Post # 16
I think of weddings as a celebration of marriage but also as two families symbolically coming together. So yes, IMO barring extenuating circumstance I think it’s a very nice gesture to include opposite sex siblings. You don’t have to be BFFs to extend yourself in this way. In laws are going to be in your life, hopefully forever. TBH I can’t recall the last wedding I know about personally where this wasn’t done unless the couple eloped or had no wedding party at all.
That said, I’d keep my mouth closed if it didn’t happen.
It would also be inappropriate for you to presume or say anything to Future Sister-In-Law ahead of the fact, such as she shouldn’t feel obligated to ask you. That could be seen as insulting. If you have a real or perceived obstacle to being in the party, for example finances, then address it with her if and when the time comes.
Post # 17
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
I think you should be prepared to be asked to stand on his side, just as much as hers. My SIL won’t be in my party, but neither will one of my blood sisters. My Fiance on the other hand could certainly ask his sister to stand with him. I have no issues with her at all, but she’s closer to him than me and belongs on his side.
Post # 18
I am 100% in support of anyone who chooses to have a sibling of the other sex be on their side. DH and I didn’t actaully do that, but I do think it’s a lovely jesture! If you’re brother wanted you on the grooms side that would be awesome!
When it came to our bridal party I pretty much declared a “siblings only” rule early on. Firsltly I didn’t want to offend friends, and secondly DH would have wanted 8 or 9 groomsmen if left to his own devices, so I had to reign him in. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. DH has 1 brother. 2 BMs and 2 GMs — That’s a no brainer to me! DH and my brother aren’t close, and he asked about having his friends in the wedding instead. I told him his friend could officiate (and he did) and a different friend could walk my mom down the aisle (and he did) but no, my brother is family, and damn it he was going to stand up there with me when I got married.
DH said yes.
I know this is not applicable to all couples, and not to all sibling relationships. I understand different priorities previal. But for me personally, there was no way I was getting married without ALL of my sibligns by my side.
Post # 19
I’ve never attended a wedding where the siblings were not all included in the wedding party. I have 2 sisters and all 3 of us were bridesmaids when my brother married my sister-in-law. Similarly, my 2 brothers will both be groomsmen in my upcoming wedding. If my fiancé didn’t want to include them, I would have had them both stand up on my side as my bridesmen because it’s very important to me that all my siblings be included.
It might be similarly important to your brother that you be included in his wedding. It’s not necessarily just about your relationship with the bride! Don’t you want to stand up to support your brother on his wedding day?
Post # 20
- Wedding: June 2017 - Greenspot Farms
My fiance wanted his sister in the wedding. I said great, I love her, put her on your side! She’ll be wearing a grey dress that matches the grey groomsmen and standing on his side as best woman. My bridesmaids are in navy.
\I believe each person gets to pick their own side. I don’t think I would go out of your way to tell her she doesn’t have to have you… that already sounds presumptious
Post # 21
I honestly have never been to a wedding where ALL siblings were included. And personally, I feel like sides shouldn’t be segregated by genitalia so if they are YOUR sibling and you care about them then they should be on YOUR side. Each person picks their own side made up of their own nearest and dearest. If you want to do it where it’s segragated by anatomy and each side is fine having the other’s siblings on their own side, have at it. It’s just not the choice for me and I don’t quite see the point.
I also think it’s presumptuous to “let her” not include you. You don’t even know she was going to include you in the first place. I think I would side eye a presumptive decline in advance of actually being asked WAY more than I would side eye a gracious decline once asked.
Post # 22
DH has 3 sisters – I only asked 1 of them to be a bridesmaid and the other 2 just attended as guests. I originally wanted to ask all of them, but DH kept pressing me for a reason other than “I feel like I should”. He said that I’m only close with 1 of his sisters (and she’s the only one he’s close with too) so it makes sense if I want to ask her, but it doesn’t make sense to ask the 2 whom neither of us are close with. In the end, I realised he was right. We did ask his other sisters to do a reading each during the ceremony so they were still involved.
Honestly, whether the bride includes the groom’s sisters and whether a groom includes the bride’s brothers will depend on a whole lot of things. In some families it’s expected that the siblings will be included (and all hell will break loose if they’re not), whereas in others there isn’t any pressure. I had no pressure (from DH or my MIL) to ask any of my SILs and they were happy to be bridesmaids or attend as guests. When one of my SILs got married, on the other hand, her in laws expected all siblings to be involved. Her husband has no sisters, but he was expected to ask DH. Luckily, DH and his Brother-In-Law are relatively close anyway otherwise it could have been pretty awkward.
Post # 23
Some interesting responses; I’m glad for the discussion! To those who may have misunderstood – I’d actually be quite happy to stand on either side! I love my brother but I also know that it is INCREDIBLY unlikely that I’d be asked to stand on his side; I wouldn’t be surprised if a few people in either family might think that weird/tacky/inappropriate, though more likely I think it just wouldn’t occur to the bride and groom. I’ve only met the bride’s parents once (for like 2 minutes) even though they are frequently in town to visit her and her brother, so I have NO idea what they even envision for her second wedding. I think one reason I brought it up to begin with is that they’ve both (bride and groom) already been married before and so far intend to have a ‘small’ wedding. Again, even interpretations of a small wedding can vary so much!
I think it’s also worth chatting about because when the time comes for my own dude and I, there is NO WAY all siblings could be included – my guy and I EACH have 3 brothers and we want a small wedding. That also means that, while I’m the only daughter and intend to include my mom a lot, I also want to include his because she has no daughters of her own and I don’t know that her two married sons were able to include her much.
It’s always fun to hear how different people feel different things are appropriate, how they made different choices, how they would feel in a certain situation, etc. Some might tell me I don’t really HAVE to include either mother, after all!