Post # 1
Hi ladies I’m hoping someone could help me out with my little dilemia. I have always wanted my brothers to be in my wedding part and it is also my families tradition that siblings be included in the wedding party. That said my fiance is dead against it. He is not close to my brothers and so does not want them to be in the grooms party. My mother and brothers have already expressed their interest and told me they will feel its a slap in the face as he is now family and they see him as their brother. I realize that my older brother can be difficult and not easy to get along with. My fiance does not like him or the way he treats me or the family. But my older brother likes him a lot, my younger brother politely asked from the beginning to be included and I told him I would talk to my fiance as I WANT them to be part of the bridal party. I would preferably like to have my 2 brothers walk my fiances sister down the aisle and help with my 3 yr. old neice in case she gets stage fright. I have been struggling to get my fiance to even consider adding them to the groom party. He already has 3 of his good friends on his side and tells me if he is adding anyone else its going to be antoher friend. How do I get him to see this is important to me and my family and avoid yet another monsterous argument. He feels I’m imposing what I want on him and its his groom party so I have no say. To add insult to injury one of my bridesmaids has decided to side with him and he knows it so he uses it to prove his point.
Post # 3
Have your brothers spoken directly to him about this? My Fiance gets the same way sometimes, once he’s made a decision, he’s sticking to it. Maybe if the brothers express directly to your Fiance how much they would like to be included in the party. This way, it is not just you expressing your side, but your brothers get to say their piece also. This would also make it so your Fiance would have to directly give them an answer. Could the two of you come up with a compromise? Maybe have your brother’s be recognized in the ceremony as special guests of honor? Another idea is you and your Fiance could present a gift to them at the ceremony (kind of like how some couples present a flower to their moms or grandmothers)? They could perform some form of reading, or be ushers? Just as an example, my brother is not in the wedding party, but in honor of my dad, we are having my brother walk down a picture of our dad to be placed on a table at the ceremony (along with a picture of my Fiance dad that will be brought down the aisle by his nephews). I do have to say though, I’m not sure of the dynamic of your family in which your brothers like your Fiance, but your Fiance doesn’t like your brothers, but I can understand where your Fiance is coming from. I’m not sure how I’d feel about having i.e. my fiance’s sister in my bridal party if we’re not close. Any way, hope I helped a little bit.
Post # 4
@Cindy82: Have you considered asking your brothers to be bride’s attendants? Having bridesmen is becoming quite common these days. And that way, you have the people close to you on your side, and your Fiance has the people closest to him on his side.
Post # 5
I just got back on here to provide the same thought! Who says they have to be your FI’s attendants, they could be yours!
Post # 6
@cindy82 – Hi! I, too, had a bit of a similar dilemma. I always thought that my twin brothers would be groomsmen in our wedding party. However, my hubby has two brother’s and three good friends he wanted to stand up for him. This would have brought us up to 7 groomsmen and I didn’t want an uneven bridal party (I had 5 bridesmaids). So, the compromise that we agreed upon was to have my brother’s be ushers (in tuxes, of course). If my brother’s would’ve been comfortable doing readings during the ceremony, I would’ve acknowledged them that way as well. Just a thought…
Post # 7
We had a similar issue, my brother and FH are not close and adding my brother as a groomsmen would create more than we wanted as part of the bridal party. However throughout the entire wedding planning process we have focused on not only what we want but how this wedding will unite both of our families and what would be best for everyone. Its only one day but after that its the rest of your life this family. I think you need to remind your FH of that if thats what you really want. If he had 3 sisters he wanted in the wedding would you let him?
Post # 8
@loveyou – Hey St. Louisian! :o) Your question is a very good one!
Post # 9
Another vote for having your brothers stand up with you.
My older brother was my Man of Honor.
Post # 10
I’m with your fiancé and your bridesmaid on this one. You get to choose your attendants and your fiancé should get to choose his. There’s nothing to prevent your brothers from standing up as bridesmen on your side of the aisle if you want them there.
Post # 11
Thank you for the responses. I’ve thought about having them as ushers but my younger brother has been very expressive about wanting to be with my FH and part of his groomsmen. My parents are traditional so I doubt they would be happy having the boys in my bridal party, they would see right through it and immediately pick up on my FH as not wanting the boys on his side. In answer to the question would I put his sisters. Absolutely not even second thought. I feel family are the ones that are with you for life, even when they make you crazy they will always have you back. If he wanted 3 sisters in I’d take them. My niece is our flower girl and although I would like to have had the opportunity to ask her to be our flower girl I was bluntly told I had no choice. As loveyou said: it is only 1 day, 1 small sacrifice he could do to keep the peace for life is let them in. I don’t see how it would put him out. They wouldn’t stop him from doing any thing he wanted and I know that they’d make sure he and I got only the best no matter what. Its not that he does not like them, they just aren’t close. Right now he has invited to siblings from another family to be in his grooms party and my mother is flipping over it that he would choose 2 brothers (not twins they are different ages) from 1 family and not even have his brothers to be.
Post # 12
This is a tough situation. Unfortunately, someone is going to have to compromise. I think you and your fiance should come to a decision that you are both comfortable with and then share that decision with your families. Good luck hun!
I know your brothers don’t necessarily want to, but the usher option is sounding like a pretty good compromise for all involved…
Post # 13
The usher option does sound nice. What else do ushers do though other than just seat guests at the beginning of the ceremony?
Post # 14
I had the same problem, but the other way around. My FSILs expected to be in the wedding party and they are not going to be. I am sorry, even if it is your tradition, it is not your fiances and you want people you love and people that have supported you to stand up for you.
so instead I essentially made up rolls for them. They will walk down the aisle, not as bridal party members, but as candle carriers for the unity candle ceremony. It gives them a larger roll, they get to be part of “both” our parties, and can be the center of attention for a bit.
Can you find another more prominent roll for them?
Post # 15
@Gemstone: perfectly stated. I personally side with you, however, you have to compromise. i would try to have a heart-to-heart with your Fiance and tell him what it means to you and your family. if he’s still unwilling to budge, then let it go. what about having them do a reading in addition to their usher duties?
juat a side note, i have all 3 of my FI’s sisters in my bridal party and he has my cousin because he knows what it means to me. after all, family is family. good luck! =)
Post # 16
Just an idea here… what if they’re technically in the wedding party as part of your side… but they stand on his side during the ceremony? In our program you can just list everyone as part of the wedding party, without getting too specific with the titles. That way they aren’t technically groomsmen… but they still look like they are for your family.
I always think it’s weird when guys get all possessive about their groomsmen, because the groomsmen involvement tends be limited to paying for the bachelor party and then showing up in a tux the day of – it’s not (usually, anyway) the same kind of commitment as the bridesmaids, who end up having to spend a lot more time together.