Post # 17
Well said Meghan and that’s where I find the humour in all this. It means more funds for his bachelor party and yep the only other thing is they show up in tuxs. Mind you I know my brothers will be just as diligent as briadesmaids, wanting to help make sure everything goes as planned running last min errands too. I like this idea of having them on myside but still getting them to stand on his side, or the unity candle thing..and usher. I love the ideas ladies they are really helping.
Post # 18
I would have your brothers as your attendants and your Future Sister-In-Law as your FI’s 🙂
Post # 19
I don’t agree with having your brothers talk to your Fiance directly – I think that would be awkward and set up a weird dynamic for the future. He would feel ambushed by your family, and your brothers may feel rejected and resentful of him. I think the posters who suggested a special role have the right idea – you can come up with an important thing for them to do, perhaps in addition to being ushers, and you can include them in some of the bridal party pictures. You can explain to your family that you don’t want uneven numbers and that you still want your brothers to be included.
On a slightly tangential note that is absolutely none of my business – I think part of transitioning to marriage is becoming a little less of a team with your individual families and more of a team with each other. Not that you should forsake them, but I would try to make your FH look good to your family by defending him, but also by standing up for his rights. Yes, your brothers will become his brothers, but you will become his wife, and you two should be united and not side with other people against each other.
Just my opinion.
Post # 20
Cindy82, I don’t want to burst your bubble but I don’t think you and your family could be more wrong. Everyone here is telling you to find another role for your brothers, which is great advice. But they are skirting the main issue: You are putting your fiance in a really crappy position. No matter what tradition you have in your family, your fiance should be picking whoever he wants for his side of the party. He shouldn’t have to deal with your mother’s and brother’s highly unusual and terrifically rude request that your brothers be a part of his wedding party. Seriously? They actually asked that a grown man select them to be a part of the wedding party? Who does that? Your family—no matter how hurt they are—cannot dictate to this person who is going to be standing up for him at his wedding! He has a lifetime of friends and his own family to choose from. It’s also terrible that your fiance is going to get blamed for this awkwardness. Your fiance didn’t create this situation. Your family did by imposing this request upon him. He said no. That’s the end of it. There are very few things that the gentlemen get to pick for the wedding… the one thing every man should get to pick is his wedding party.
To make things worse, you’ve been working with your Mom and brothers to get him to agree with them! You should be backing him up on this, instead of making him look like he’s a jerk. At the very least you should be privately talking to him about it—not conniving with your family against him. So my advice to you on your dilemma is to stop trying to get your fiance to agree with your family’s request, acknowledge to your groom-to-be that you agree that their request was out of line, and then work with your fiance on a spot for the brothers to be in the wedding elsewhere. Throughout all this, you should defend your fiance’s decision everytime a bitter family member brings up how disappointed they are. But that’s just me.
MeganV: the men aren’t being selected because they are good at crafts or will help the groom with stuff. They are there for support—often selected simply because those men are very important to the groom.