Post # 1
This is a purely hypothetical situation that hopefully will not come to fruition but it got me thinking today.
I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant with our first, which will also be the first grandchild on my side of the family. My brother and his wife are also pregnant and are now 11 weeks along, so we’ll be having two grandchild in quick succession in our family.
Darling Husband and I are set on not finding out the gender of our baby and want to be surprised at birth. My brother and his wife are going to find out their baby’s gender at the 20 week ultrasound.
Darling Husband and I have decided on two boy names and two girl names for our LO but are keeping them fairly quiet for right now, although my mom and sister know the names we like. I’m not sure whether my brother and his wife have talked about names for their LO yet.
It got me thinking, what if they decide on a name once they find out what they’re having and it happens to be a name we had chosen for our baby. Granted we have two options for each, but we definitely have a strong preference for one over the other with each gender. Since our baby will likely be born first, would we still go ahead and use the name, or defer to them since they found out the gender earlier and therefore settled on a name earlier?
This is all just hypothetical and I will probably tell my brother our name choices soon so it doesn’t become an issue, but I was just wondering people’s thoughts on the matter.
Post # 3
I think whoever produces a real live baby first gets first dibs. That said, if a sibling mentioned a name that I was considering, but had several others that I liked almost as much, I’d at least have a quick “negotiation” with them.
Post # 4
If I were you, I’d probably throw your favourite names out there now, to sort of “call” them, haha. I voted that whoever has the baby first gets to choose their name first.
Post # 5
It’s tough when it’s a hypothetical situation, because you never really know how you would react.
For now, I’m in the camp that it is ok to have someone with the same name in the family. If the last names are the same, it gets a little more tricky, but it is still up to each set of the parents.
ETA: I agree that whoever has the baby first gets to name the baby what they want, but if that’s the same as the only name that the second baby’s parents want to name him/her, then they get to name him/her that too.
Post # 6
My 2 Future Sister-In-Law had this issue. The oldest twin wanted to name her kid Brady and so did the other twin. The older twin had the kid first and got to name him Brady and when 2nd twin had her kid she name her kid Brody. By The Way do you know how confusing it is when I try to call them because I get all sort of confused.
Post # 7
I am actually terrified of this happening to me. I’m sure it’s an irrational fear, but still. I know I wouldn’t want to tell the name beforehand to a lot of people, but if it had to come up or it was a family name or something I probably would try to “call” it if I was due first.
Post # 8
I don’t know, I think it can be a bit complicated. Especially if it’s a family name, for instance.
I do think that whoever has the baby first gets “dibs” on the name. But…it gets complicated when other factors come into play. Say they found out they were having a girl (and say you guys did too) and they chose Olivia Marie as their name. They had all these monogrammed baby gifts, etc, given to them for Olivia Marie and then…you guys choose it. Yes, I think that may induce hard feelings. Right or Wrong, Dibs or whatever, it would be super awkward.
Post # 9
DHs and I’s families both have multiple cousins with the same first names. I actually have 6 cousins with the same names (I have a really large extended family). So obviously my family doesn’t stand on name formality.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Whoever says it out loud gets dibs first!!! 🙂 I hope this never comes to “reality” however I’m curious to hear from someone who ever had this happen to them (even with just a friend…not necessarily family).
I don’t have kids but we do have baby names in mind (1 for girl, 1 for boy, not a long list or anything) and I’d be super duper bummed if my SIL/BIL had a kid and named it with one of our names…even though, no I’m not pregnant and don’t intend to be for a while. Maybe more than bummed…super pissed!
Post # 11
Interesting points all!
@AmeliaBedelia: I definitely had not thought about all of the monogrammed and personalised gifts the other baby would get, which of course would make things super awkward. I don’t think I would take the name if they decided on it, but I would be a bit upset.
@Juliepants: That is definitely what I’m going to do! I just sent my brother an email now asking if they’ve talked about names. I also think my mom would say something to him like “hey, that’s the name your sister is planning on using” so I don’t think it will become an issue.
@tksjewelry: oh my, 6 cousins with the same name?! That’s a lot! We already have enough confusion in my immediate family as my brother’s wife has the same first name as my sister. SIL took my brother’s last name and my sister didn’t change her name after marriage so we have two people in the family with the exact same first, middle, and last name. CONFUSING. As a side note, my sister sent me the u/s picture from my SIL’s scan today and when I saw the name on the scan, I immediately thought it was my sister’s and started freaking out because she’s been so adamant about not wanting children. Silly me.
@sexxysheddy: Brady and Brody? Yeah, I can see how that would cause all kinds of confusion!
Post # 12
@penguin: Yup, now I’m thinking maybe I should send my brother an email saying “These are the names we like, so stay away!” I think I would be really upset if we lost our first preference name for our boy or girl, but we have a pretty good relationship so I’m going to assume all will be fine. I too would like to hear from someone who has experienced this actual sitaution though….
Post # 13
I really think that it’s absolutely fine for more than one sibling to chose a favorite name! In my family, my cousins had this situation with a couple extra facts. My older cousin wanted to name her firstborn son… after both her father and her father in law… which just so happened to be her father’s first and last name and her brother’s first and last name… Additional more specific details would let you know that this name order was also important for other complicated reasons within her side of family… But it was definitely intended to honor both sides of their family. Her brother pulled the card that since it was his name that he thought that he should have the right to first dibs, and since his wife was due within a few months of her due date, she honored his request. But She had the boy, and he had a girl. Her father-in-law died unexpectedly within a month of his grandson’s birth, and so it was an honor that she was not allowed to give. That wasn’t the end of the story though because her brother did eventually have a son, but didn’t use the favored name, and so this generation has lost a really nice name basically because of a hypothetical question! I remember thinking it was fun to have a friend share my name and i think it would have been fun to have two cute kids with a great shared name!
Post # 14
@Ree723: I have roughly 80+ cousins in my generation, so that makes the 6 really no that bad, LOL. In my dads generation, all the brothers are called bubba and we just call all their first born boys ditto’s. Weird, but everyone is easily remembered that way.
Post # 15
@Ree723: I really should have said CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy, by the way! And good luck with the names. I’ll bet whatever you won’t have any issues with the other couple. A lot of the names I love, other people probably think aren’t really that great and TBH, almost every name I’ve heard here on the Bee baby name polls are really not for me! Chances are there is nothing to worry about!
Post # 16
Not the exact same name but my brother is Ryan and our cousin is Brian and we were all very close growing up so you can only imagine how many times they were called by the wrong name. Sometimes my grandma even called me Brian or Ryan and I’m a girl lol. Furthermore, my mom’s BFF named her son Brian as well.
I think if you and your brother have a good relationship, you should all just discuss potential names ahead of time to avoid any issues. If the kids will grow up together, I think it amy be annoying fo the whole family. On the other hand, if you don’t live in the same place, it’s prob. not a big deal to use the same name.