Post # 32
This is currently happening in my family. My husband’s brother is having a baby a couple weeks before his other brother. The other brother (whose wife is due after the first) are not finding out the gender. Brother and SIL #1 are. Brother and SIL #2 have decided to use husband’s grandfather’s name if it is a boy. He told Brother and SIL #1. They just found out they are having a boy. Though Brother #2 may end up having a girl, Brother #1 is not going to use the name since he knows that even if Brother #2 has a girl, he will save the name for when he has a boy.
Well that was mighty confusing. Hopefully you can follow along! Anyways all that to say that Brother #2 said they want to use that name at some point for one of their children. Brother #1, while having a baby first and knowing for sure it is a boy, is fine and he and his wife are choosing another name. I’m not sure if it matters but Brother #1 and wife don’t care about naming after family members (first child isn’t) while Brother #2 does. Just something to think about.
Congratulations and good luck! I’d let your brother know your names just in case 🙂
Post # 33
I think this is one of the risks of keeping the baby’s name a secret… someone else may unknowingly take it.
I think every situation is different. If you have 8 names you like, you can’t dibs them all. It’s just like boys in middle school, you can only claim one. If you’ve had a favorite baby name for years your friends and family should probably stay away from it unless it has some significant meaning to them.
But if you don’t tell anyone the name, you can’t expect them not to use it. And if they announce the name and it turns out to be what you chose, you really can’t expect them to go back and change it. I also don’t think you have to change your baby name after finding out… but at some point you’re going to have to let the cat out of the bag so you may as well just tell them your name choices in the beginning to save the trouble. (I use “you” in general, not referring to the OP)
Post # 34
That’s tough. While I don’t believe in “calling” a name, if one family (who is currently expecting, this does not count for a potential baby down the road) has already picked a name, taken to refering to the unborn baby by that name, and perhaps even had items personalized with that name, or decorated the nursery with that name in mind, and then finds out 5 weeks before the birth of their baby that one of their siblings has been silently planning on using that name and went ahead and took it, yeah, I think that’s a pretty jerky move.
In the case where couple A was due first, and picked a name (and did not share it with anyone) and then found out that couple B just happened to pick the same name and publicized it, I think couple A has two choices. They can either 1. forgo the name, or 2. Tell couple B-right away– that they are planning on using that name so couple B has another 4-5 months to come up with another name.
*I only think this way in the matter of siblings having babies though. My best friend could name her child the same name as my daughter and I wouldn’t care. Distant relatives are the same. This only pertains to first cousins, as I think it’s unfair to have the same name with such close relations.
Post # 35
I would tell them your names. If they tell you theirs first, then I think the names are theirs.
My husband always wanted to name a daughter, if he had one, after his Grandmother, Lillian. We had talked about this, before we were even married. When DH and I were dating, my sister had her first child. She named her daughter Lily. So for obvious reasons, DH could no longer name his daughter Lillian in the future. He mad jokes about breaking up with me at the time. So now we are going to use it as a middle name instead, but still not the same.
Post # 36
Ah this will be my issue! My sister and I like the same name for a female. I think it’s because we both did gymnastics at a gym where the owner’s daughter name was a longer version of it – or at least that’s where I got my inspiration for it, when I was about 10 years old. She was *pissed* that her sister-in-law choose that name for her kid. She felt it was one that she and her husband had talked about while they were dating and therefore it was “hers.” I tried to calm her down about this to no avail. I know she’ll be even more pissed if I choose it for my kid. At the moment, I am just waiting and should I get pregnant later with a girl, I’ll talk to her then. She’s had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant a second time, but even so I don’t think she’s given up on having a girl with that name.
So it doesn’t even take two simultaneous pregnancies to get someone upset. In this case, I’d say whomever officially decides on the name first gets it, whether that’s at the gender scan or at the birth. I’d be frustrated to have two weeks to think of a new name for a kid, so if you are pregnant at the same time, best to discuss this in advance and resolve the issue (if it is one) then.
Post # 37
I just thought I’d share how our daughter and our niece inadvertantly got exteremly similar names- not on purpose. Brother-In-Law & SIL named their daughter Gabriella and we named our daughter Tabitha. Different right? Not so much: Gabby and Tabby. Yep. Its kind of funny now, it never occurred to any one on the family beforehand though.
Post # 38
I’d say that once you have a bun in the oven you can call dibs. Both my fiance and his brother want pass their dad’s name to a son, but his brother and his brother’s wife have not had a son yet and it’s a little up in the air if they’re going to try again. If we become pregnant with a boy, and they still don’t have one before the kid’s born, we’ll be using it.
If we were pregnant at the same time, we’d definitely conceed to them as they mentioned wanting the name first. There’d be no push to pop the baby out first to get dibs.
I’d say if it is really important to you to have these names, you should mention them now.
Post # 39
My Future Sister-In-Law and I found out we both want to use the same name for our daughters if we ever have them. I said the name and then she said that’s her dream name too! I love it (Lillian) because it’s after my grandmother. She said it came to her in a dream. I feel kind of silly for being upset about something that is totally hypothetical (neither of us is pregnant or planning to be soon … and who knows if we’ll both even have daughters?) but it still upsets me. It doesn’t help that my Future Sister-In-Law and I have not had the warmest of relationships, either.
I don’t know what we’d do if we really did get in that situation. I know I won’t stop loving the same because of its sentimental value, but I’m hoping the power of her dream fades. If not, I guess whoever gets pregnant with a girl first will get the name. Maybe the other can use it as a middle name?
Post # 40
I think if they declare the name they intend to use at the ultrasound, they sort of are calling dibs. You can always trump them but going ahead and giving your child that name if you give birth first, but that’s not a very good way to keep positive relations in the family. If they plan on using that name for the entire second half of their pregnancy, and then you steal it at the last minute with no warning, I would be pretty upset if I was them. What if they already painted the name on their nursery wall and bought products with the name on it?
I think if they declare a choosen name that you are hoping for, you guys should discuss it. Otherwise it might be considered kinda of passive aggressive to keep your mouth shut and just take the name.
If they neither of you discusses names, it’s fair game. Maybe you could bring it up first and say you want to make sure you’re not planning on the same names – there are four names you guys really like – and state them. It at least allows you to declare first which names you are trying to claim, and allows you to find out if there is even an issue? Because it would also suck for them if you claimed a name and then couldn’t event use it because you gave birth to teh other gender.
Post # 41
Luckily, I won’t have this issue on my side, since my brother is older, has his 2 kids, and doesn’t plan on having any more.
On the other hand, my fiance is the oldest of 5, and his younger sister got married in January. I don’t think she has plans to start a family for a while, but it could end up that we are pregnant at the same time. He wants to name one of our sons after his grandfather/uncle/brother, which I love, and don’t think anyone would mind if his brother eventually did decide to have kids and wanted to name his son after himself too.
I think it all depends on how the family and people involved see it. My aunt had her heart set on naming her daughter Alyssa. About a month before she had my cousin, my other aunt (her sister) had a daughter and named her Allison. The first aunt was really upset and when her daughter was born, she named her Meghann Alyssa, because she thought Alison and Alyssa were too similar.
Post # 42
It’s like the “Seinfeld” episode where George says his favorite name for a girl, and another couple takes it for their baby; he gets angry even though he doesn’t even have plan for a child!
I’ve seen this happen in real life tho; a girl told people what name she wanted for her daughter (due in a couple months)- her cousin’s twins were born a month earlier than her daughter and she took the name! So the girl chose a different name…
Post # 43
The only time I see this kind of thing being a problem is when you have a lineage of names. For example, SO is a fourth. He wants to name a potential first-born son the fifth. If his brother and Future Sister-In-Law took that name then I think there would really be some hurt feelings. I agree with him on this one. It is his name to give. If we have only girls, then Future Brother-In-Law is free to use the name.
I’ve seen the same situation in my best friend’s family. Her cousin named her oldest son after their grandfather. For this example we’ll call him “Michael.” This wouldn’t be a problem, except they have an “Uncle Mike” who is actually a Jr. The uncle’s wife was pregnant at the time and it was well known within the family that they had planned on carrying the name as “Michael, III”. There were a lot of people very upset over this at the time.
A lot of times, I think family politics comes into play. In some families repeat names might not be a big deal, but in other’s it could be a dealbreaker.
Post # 44
This post hits close to home for me. Currently I’m 18 weeks pregnant. We find out the gender in 2 weeks. We have names picked out for both genders, using traditional family names. My sister is three years older and not in a relationship, however, she apparently has told my mother that she is going to adopt a baby from China and name her my grandmother’s name — the same name we have picked out. The thing is, she has done absolutely no legwork at all to adopt a child from another country — or even domestically! She has no savings account to pay for this adoption. And, according to China’s adoption criteria she must be married for at least 2 years before she can even be considered for adoption (and she must have a BMI of under 40, which might be a challenge as she is very overweight). I have decided to not take her intentions very seriously on this matter. It would be one thing if this child actually existed, but this sounds like some kind of strange fantasy that probably will not happen within the next 5 months. I hate to be insensitive, but if she wanted to name her child after our grandmother then she should be doing something to ensure that she actually has a child to adopt (or through natural means).
Post # 45
I didnt vote because my option wasnt on there but its pretty simple. I think whoever came up with the name first should get it. In this case though I think you’d have to decide on ONE name for each gender in advance and “call” the two names as a PP suggested.