*hugs* While I don’t know what you’re dealing with, I understand some of what you’re going through. I have some chronic health issues that are currently flaring. The past few weeks have been really awful – and despite this being one of the worst health times in my life (at least 3 times have been worse), my partner proposed. He proposed to me while i was sitting on the bed and had just thrown up less than an hour before. I’ve spent several days telling him to not marry me b/c he should be with someone he can count on to be able to do things and even clean the house. However, my partner loves me – warts (well, I don’t have those, so maybe, throwing up) and all. Dependent on a certain issue, we will either be planning a summer 2012 wedding or 2013. I kind of prefer 2013 b/c it will give us more time. While we want to do a fair amount of DIY elements, I know that realistically I can’t push myself. One of my good friends has offered to help in any way she can – and she knows a lot about my health so she knows that this can very easily be me sitting on the couch slowly working and taking plenty of breaks. Last night I cried and told my partner I’m worried that I’ll be this sick on our wedding day and he said that if that’s the way it is, we’ll deal – but I have plenty of time to get a little better. He said if I have to walk down teh aisle with a cane, then we’ll decorate it! A girl I’m going to have be one of my bridesmaids has MS, and uses two canes (which we’ve already giggled over how we’ll decorate).
Since you seem to already be active in a support group online, I say use it as much as you can. I’m going to start going to support groups in person again (mostly b/c my work place has been really, really terrible about my health lately – as in, I legit had my adviser say “But you don’t look sick”. My jaw dropped. I cried on my way home). If you aren’t a member of Chronic Babe (http://chronicbabeclub.ning.com/), I highly suggest it. There is even a Chronic Bride group! Even though it isn’t as active as another online group I’m in or this site, I’ve found some great support there. It’s also very reassuring for me to log on there and see so many women who understand what day to day life is like, even if they don’t have the same health issue.
Obviously, this is easier said than done, but with any health issue, stress does not help. I really blame stress for my current flare. I think that I also did let stress get to the level it was at, and am kind of mad at myself for that. Do you have any outlets for stress or ways of controlling it?
I say cry if you need to. I hate hate hate crying in front of people, and have allowed myself to let down my guard and cry in front of my partner lately. He doesn’t make me feel bad for crying and has encouraged me to cry if I need to – and oh boy, I’ve cried a lot lately! That isn’t to say that I’ve just been sitting around our house feeling bad for myself. But, when baking a pie for Thanksgiving (we were going to my partner’s parents so I felt pressure to really bring my A-game!), I broke down b/c I honestly couldn’t stand enough to bake. So, my partner and I talked about what accommodations I needed to bake. Also, he’d NEVER made a pie (I bake, it’s one of my stress outlets and I love to bake anyway! So i was shocked he never made a pie). So, he learned and did a great job. This meant that I made the pie crust sitting on the couch in the living room and it took twice as long. That’s fine.
Do you have it in your budget for a wedding planner or even a day-of-coordinator? We’re making room in our budget for at least a day of coordinator so it’s one less thing for ME to stress about. That’s worth it for us and we’re lucky enough to haev that extra money in our budget. If you don’t have the money for that, what about a friend or four that could step in and help? I have a few friends who I know I can trust to do some tasks that day and I plan to absolutely ask them to help out.