(Closed) Sick of being turned down.. Any Advice is appreciated

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Has he been going through anything stressful lately? Also, if you do not mind me asking how old is he?


Post # 4
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you should sit down and talk to him about how you feel.If that doesnt work – whip cream & porn 

Post # 7
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MissBummedOut:  Okay, so I am assuming it is nothing health related either unless it is hormone related. Sorry, but usually I hear this complaint coming from men about the woman in their lives, not the other way around.  It is very rare to say the least and if it something that can not be solved through talking, I am wondering if a trip to the doctor’s office would be of some benefit.

Post # 8
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s time to put on your big girl panties and have a frank, open, honest conversation with him about your wants and needs.  If you’re content to live this way for the rest of your life, then by all means, continue.  If you’re not, then you need to address the issues now. If he knows that this is not the way you can continue long term, perhaps he’ll take your comments more seriously.  Also, try and stay as calm as possible during the discussion so you can focus on the issues.  Use “I” statements so he can’t argue with the way you feel: “I feel ____ when you ____”. He may perceive reality differently, but can’t argue with how you feel.  

Post # 10
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissBummedOut:  Have you communicated these thoughts with him?!  There was a time where I felt that my attempts were being shot down, but his were being embraced by me.  Granted, I could have sex every day, and he is fine with 3-4 times/week, so on the days he was ‘not in the mood’, I would still try!! Not the same, but it wears on a person definitely.  And I would feel ‘less’ than stellar, etc.  And then he would intiate, it would be great, wash…rinse…repeat.  Then it dawned on me…he cannot read my mind, and maybe he does not know that when he turns me down, it hurts!!  Or that I felt that ONLY he could call the shots in bed!!  And, I was right…he did not really ‘know’ or view it that way.  We had a long discussion about our expectations in bed, or ways when either of us are really not in the mood, it can be stated without it being harsh or irritating!  Things we could change, add, or do to bring some spice back into it, etc.  It has helped immensely.  Good lucK!

Post # 11
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think women can totally want it more than men.  Have you ever, though, point-blank asked him why he turns you down? 


@inspiredcreations:  gave some great advice. 



Post # 13
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with the others.  Try to talk to him.  But realize that it is a two way street and you two might always have different desire levels and what compromise would work for both of you.

Post # 15
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe take a trip out of town for no reason other than to get out of town.  The whole living arrangement may be at the root of the problem.  You don’t feel like you can be yourself so he might feel that you’re not enjoying it, and then there’s the weird dynamic of an adult man living under what is, for all intents and purposes, his parents’ roof. Yes you pay rent, but his parents are right downstairs… people revert to their childhood/teenage behaviors when their parents or siblings are around, and it’s got to do something wacky to the male psyche to on some level think about bringing his woman home to where his parents live.  I know when my Fi and I go to visit his parents, it’s REALLY awkward for me to get in the mood.

So get a groupon for a nice B&B and go spend the weekend together without the family dynamic. It may also be easier for you to talk openly when the family is far away. 

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