(Closed) Sick of certain wedding planning or etiquette rules? Sound Off Here

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Why not put a card with the names of the stores where I am registered in my shower invitations?  My mom and Maid/Matron of Honor are throwing me a bridal shower.  I saw a cute card here on the Bee that someone made that had the logos from the stores where the bride was registered.  I told my Mom and Maid/Matron of Honor that I would make those and print them out on cardstock so they could put them in my invitations.  It saves them a bunch of writing (I’m registered at 4 stores) and it makes it so very easy for anyone who wants to buy me a gift from my registry to do so.  I’m tired of hearing about how “etiquette says” you shouldn’t put a registry card in your shower invitations.  I’m not demanding that anyone buys me anything.  I’m just making their life easy so they don’t have to track down all my registry info IF they want to buy something from it.

/end rant

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.  Smile

Post # 4
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I just wish that people would realize that etiquette is intended as a guideline.  It’s not always black and white and sometimes you have to (and should) use your own judgement.  I also feel like following etiquette to the letter for your wedding when you never have makes no sense to me.  It also assumes that your guests know all the etiquette rules.  THEY DON’T.

Post # 5
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MapleMoose:  You can include your card in shower invites just not the wedding invites, per etiquette.

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I just think a mob mentality sometimes crops up on here and starts to freak others out.  What’s normal and accepted in one family or one culture could be the opposite of what’s normal and accepted for someone else.  I think when people are asking for advice on here about etiquette, others shouldn’t respond with how rude or offensive the OP is being – rather, they should say what’s normal in their circles or culture.  This place is very diverse and I think it’s great to see all the things that everyone does differently!  Like you said, the wedding should be a reflection of the couple because it is a celebration about them!!

Post # 7
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

LOVE this thread! The archaic etiquette rules are such a downer!

“Don’t you dare put registry information on anything other than your shower invite or wedding website!” This just doesn’t work for everyone – so why do they all have to conform or get blasted for suggesting otherwise? There are so many factors that would contribute to whether or not this is appropriate from bride to bride (cultural, social, etc.)

“Don’t you dare print your address labels!” Really? Not all brides can afford to hire a calligrapher or have the time to address a hundred or more invites. What if you have really crap handwriting to boot??

“Don’t you dare expect anything other than one day of service from your bridesmaids!”   I get it, I get it. They aren’t indentured servants for my sole use…but it’s silly to think that anyone who is asked to be a bridesmaid doesn’t expect that the bride might want some help with DIY projects or company at a dress fitting/shopping excursion. I think that the truth of being a bridesmaid lies somewhere in the middle of the Bridezilla’s bridal tyranny and the lackluster, disinterested bridesmaid.

I could probably think of a ton more examples, but I feel better having that off my chest. Hopefully, these are accepted as my opinions and my opinions alone. I am the type of person that is a “live and let be(e)” kind of gal. You do it your way, but I’ll do it my way! We’ll all be happy in the end! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

This really isn’t an etiquette thing– but someone please tell me WHY I “have” to wear a veil?!? 

I don’t like things on top of my head, I don’t like things blowing in my face, and my dress has enough lace on it already.  But for some reason, every time I tell someone new that I’m not wearing a veil or a damn tiara (sorry ladies, but I am just NOT that kind of girl!!!) they look at me like I’ve sprouted tenticles or something! 

And somehow “I just don’t want one” isn’t an acceptable answer! 

Ok, sorry– I feel better now! Smile

Post # 10
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@juliette.eliza:  PSSST! I’m not wearing a veil either. Because “I don’t want one!” 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

Well I know/ think this falls under etiquette… More like traditions but I love a good money dance ( dollar dance) at a wedding! We also skipped favors because I don’t really see the point of them!

Post # 12
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t like that people expect a huge all out event.  Just because my Fiance & I have “good” jobs… it doesn’t mean I want to invite 200 guests and get married in a hotel ballroom.  I want a backyard wedding and a BBQ and family only.  And if you aren’t invited, I don’t want you to whine.

Also, I get annoyed with the idea of ANY registry.  I don’t want to register for gifts.  You don’t have to give me anything.  I’m a big girl; I’ve been working for a while, and I don’t really need anything.  Please, just come and wish me well in my marriage.  (No, this does NOT mean I want cash!)  If you feel the need to send a gift, please choose something meaningful that will remind us of you.

And (no offense Genesis31) I get so sick of hearing “It’s your day!” – if it were really MY day, Fiance and I would have eloped months ago.  Our wedding is for our families.

Post # 14
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

I think things like favors and programs are such a waste of money. At the end of the day, no one is going to judge your wedding based on those things. A program will ge thrown away and I despise spending money on useless trinkets that people often leave behind as well.

Fiance and I are thinking of doing a monetary donation to a charity in memory of our grandparents that have passed away in lieu of favors.

Post # 15
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

not an etiquette thing, but something that has annoyed me during my planning… I feel bad though because my parents are paying and being SOOO generous, too much though, and that’s probably why it’s bothering me.

My parents are used to big, fancy, weddings with the hors de voures being almost a meal… then dinner an hour or two later. So my parents want more and more hors de voures and my mom is soooo worried we won’t have enough (we have PLENTY, even the coordinator was like- too much, too much!). I sarcastically mentioned to my mom that I had seen a sushi bar at our venue before, and that’s all she got to thinking about! I don’t even like sushi! It was hard to change her mind away from that! Once again, I feel bad for complaining about this because they ARE generous and paying, but it’s MY WEDDING! My parents say “but we are paying and we want our guests (they have tons of friends coming) to have enough food.” They will have plenty.

I guess my mom just has the stereotypical “jewish mom” mentality. food food food!

Post # 16
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Genesis31:  Thanks!  =o)  I just hate seeing some people get dogpiled on when it’s pretty obvious some of these “rules” don’t apply to everyone.  Sure, thank you notes are universal.  Registries or open bars?  Very dependent on the family, culture, religion, and personal preference of the people directly involved.  If something bothered me that much that I’d consider talking behind the couple’s back or giving less of a gift, then I probably just shouldn’t be attending because that’s not what friendship is about.  Wedding are a celebration of something very personal, after all!

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