(Closed) Sick of putting all the effort into a relationship with dad, what do you think?

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
2686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

Sounds like he’s the type if parent that expects the child to call and visit…my parents r the same. i stopped calling and now i don’t hear from them unless they r coming down to call”visit”…in which i only see them once for a few hrs. some ppl r so rapped up in there lives that they just don’t care…or they think they r better then you. i say fuck it….it’s their regret. keep living your life your way. don’t look to parents for approval.

Post # 4
47382 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We all have a fairy tale in our head about re what our parents and our relationship with them will be like. Many of our fairy tales don’t come true.

Your Dad is not going to change. You can accept him for who he is and be the one to maintain contact. Or, you can keep hoping he’ll be the one to initiate contact, and be disappointed for the rest of your life.

Your choice.

Post # 5
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Same story with my dad, who lives overseas.  He never calls or emails me regularly (I email him a lot and he never responds) and then he has the nerve to, when we speak, complain about it.  Plus he has been really depressed lately for various reasons.  I want to be there for him but it’s all he talks about, there is only so much “yeah…I know…that’s too bad…”‘s a girl can give without feeling bored.  I love him but his constant melancholy is awful so I feel for you.
My advice is tell him about your feelings in an email or a letter so you can get it all out without crying (again, I am the same way!).  Lay it all out on the table calmly and rationally, and let him know exactly what the repercussions will be if he doesn’t start showing a bit more interest/putting in more effort, and then stick to your guns.  It will be hard and you may have regrets but the biggest regret will be you pouring your heart and soul into a one-sided relationship that drains you in your best years.

Post # 6
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
@julies1949:  +1

Post # 7
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am so sorry.  This is a very frustrating situation. In this case, it is all about you.  You may have to put in all of the effort, so maybe just pick and choose the times that mean the most to you… holidays, birthdays, etc.  If you will be happier in the long run, because that tie is still there, then just put in the minimal effort so that you can be happy.  He may never change.  If you are ok with losing the connection, because it is so one-way and too emotionally draining, then you have to do what is right for you.  Your happiness is everything!

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