Post # 1
Hi girls! I just wondering what your take on this is:
The facts: My parents split when I was 7 , and both had remarried lovely people by the time I ws 10 years. I bounced back and forth a bit between living with my dad and my mom, but mostly with mom so dad’s house was always just a summer once a year as we always lived so far away form him.
This was obviously hard growing up as I was a major daddy’s girl, but we spent much time on the phone and I talked to him about EVERYTHING. He is a couselor, and so I feel like we had very deep conversations weekly and I felt closer to him growing up than I did to my mom because of these long phone calls.
I grew up, and I feel like we don’t have a relationship. I live 3 hours away from him, and in the last 10 years that I have been on my own he has visited me 3 times, and I have visited him COUNTLESS times, several times a year up until a few years ago. And this man has called me on the phone probably 3 times in 10 years, in fact I’d be very suprized if he even knew my number. When we talk it’s like old times, but I have mentioned to him several times that a telephone works TWO ways, and he always appologizes and agrees, but nothing ever changes and I’m really pissed that I have put 100% of the effort into a relationship with him, and his lack of effort make me feel like he has other priorities in life than his youngest daughter.
So now I have stopped calling him, even birthdays and christmas time, and I know that I would regrett this when he’s gone, but I’m at a loss here. I called him when we got engaged and I told him again that he needs to make an effort, he agreed and that was early January and now it’s April and I know that I won’t hear from him. I get really upset when I talk about it, so I don’t know if I can really get into it with him on this without becomming a blubbering frikken mess and not effectively communicating. I’m not a crier, but this is obviously a hot-button issue for me.
What do you guys think? What should I do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: County courthouse
Sounds like he’s the type if parent that expects the child to call and visit…my parents r the same. i stopped calling and now i don’t hear from them unless they r coming down to call”visit”…in which i only see them once for a few hrs. some ppl r so rapped up in there lives that they just don’t care…or they think they r better then you. i say fuck it….it’s their regret. keep living your life your way. don’t look to parents for approval.
Post # 4
We all have a fairy tale in our head about re what our parents and our relationship with them will be like. Many of our fairy tales don’t come true.
Your Dad is not going to change. You can accept him for who he is and be the one to maintain contact. Or, you can keep hoping he’ll be the one to initiate contact, and be disappointed for the rest of your life.
Post # 5
Same story with my dad, who lives overseas. He never calls or emails me regularly (I email him a lot and he never responds) and then he has the nerve to, when we speak, complain about it. Plus he has been really depressed lately for various reasons. I want to be there for him but it’s all he talks about, there is only so much “yeah…I know…that’s too bad…”‘s a girl can give without feeling bored. I love him but his constant melancholy is awful so I feel for you.
My advice is tell him about your feelings in an email or a letter so you can get it all out without crying (again, I am the same way!). Lay it all out on the table calmly and rationally, and let him know exactly what the repercussions will be if he doesn’t start showing a bit more interest/putting in more effort, and then stick to your guns. It will be hard and you may have regrets but the biggest regret will be you pouring your heart and soul into a one-sided relationship that drains you in your best years.
Post # 7
I am so sorry. This is a very frustrating situation. In this case, it is all about you. You may have to put in all of the effort, so maybe just pick and choose the times that mean the most to you… holidays, birthdays, etc. If you will be happier in the long run, because that tie is still there, then just put in the minimal effort so that you can be happy. He may never change. If you are ok with losing the connection, because it is so one-way and too emotionally draining, then you have to do what is right for you. Your happiness is everything!
Post # 8
Thanks for the input guys. I suspect that since I have already spoken to him about this, that things are likely to remain unchanged, Itès just reayy hurtfull knowing that if I stopped calling he would pretty much fall off the face of the planet.