Post # 1
Is anyone else sick of thank you cards?
I don’t send them for birthday gifts/parties or after a family Christmas together but somehow people really expect them for weddings. It’s odd because I put the most effort into the wedding and paid a lot of money for each person to come yet I’m expected to send them thank you cards simply for driving less than an hour to a party.
My mother called me today and asked me if I had sent so-and-so a thank you card for coming even though they didn’t go to the ceremony and didn’t send a gift (they’re loaded too, but hey whatever sometimes people want to go somewhere and just booze it up for free I guess). That I should make sure they didn’t think I was being rude for not thanking them. When I said that I was tired of writing thank you cards she thought I was being a drama queen. Honestly writing them takes time, if they’re too generic people think it’s rude. And with my husband gone to work several hours away for the summer (M-F) I’ve written all of them on my own and just had him co-sign them when I see him on the weekends.
I don’t expect thank-yous from people in the future. Really, it’s more work than a newlywed couple needs to do when they have so many other things to get in order with a new life.
Post # 3
First off, you absolutely don’t have to send thank you cards to people who attended but didn’t give presents. See this column by Miss Manners.
However, I have no idea why you think you don’t need to write thank you notes for Christmas or birthday presents. The only time you don’t is if you opened the present in front of the person who gave it, and thanked the person then. One of the functions of thank you notes is to reassure the giver that you actually received the gift.
Post # 4
Yes, I always open gifts in front of people and thanked them then. I’ve never gotten a Christmas or birthday parcel. You’re right about reassuring someone that a gift has arrived though, that I understand.
Post # 5
I just finished up my bridal shower thank-yous yesterday, one week past my actual party. While my wedding hasnt happened yet, so I cant really speak to how quickly those thank-yous will go into the mail, I would be a bit insulted if, after 3 months, I had not received a thank you for a wedding I had attended (and purchased a gift for). If I had not given a gift, I wouldnt expect a thank you.
Post # 6
All the gift thank yous have been sent. I would like for the process to be considered done. However, my mother keeps coming up with “let’s not be rude to XYZ” people. On the flip side, you may think it’s shocking to not receive thank-yous 3 months after a wedding but let me tell you that I did just get a gift from someone 3 months after the wedding. They RSVP’d yes to the wedding (2 people) and then chose never to show up without notifying anyone before or after with a reason why. Their meals and open bar tabs were paid for nonetheless because caters go by count. So yeah, there’s all kind of “insulting” things that happen with weddings I guess.