Sick to stomach over job offer – tips for deciding

posted 6 days ago in Career
Post # 3
277 posts
Helper bee

I am also considering a move from NYC to the southeast and am sick to my stomach over it, albeit our reasons for moving are different.

I will say this though in relation to your questions – TN is less expensive so the odds are, you’ll find a far better apartment for half the price. If you have hobbies, you can make new friends through them – join a recreational sports league, or a French class, or a figure drawing meetup, or a movie group, or whatever it is that you enjoy doing. Clearly even if you don’t feel qualified, they feel that you are qualified. Doing things beyond what we feel is our limit is how we learn and grow.

I would ask yourself the following two questions – is there anything irreplaceable in NYC that you will desperately miss to the point where it will negatively impact your overall happiness? Secondly, if you do not take this career opportunity, will you look back and regret that you did not take the risk to grow within your field and try something new?

I know how scary it is to move (pretty much all of my threads are about my fear of moving….lol) but good opportunities don’t come around every day. Your personal growth is important and sometimes the scary option is ultimately the best one. I wish you courage and good luck.

Post # 3
343 posts
Helper bee

I made a big move several years ago. Similar to the one you will be making. And it’s scary! But it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. I made friends through work and at meet ups and joining recreational teams/clubs. And I met my husband. Also, professionally, I’m in an amazing place. A position I would never be in, had I not taken the chance. I think you have to play the “what if” game. What’s the worst that can happen? Will you regret it if you don’t take the chance?

Also, you’re young… it sounds like an amazing opportunity and there’s obviously a reason you’ve continued to pursue it. It’s natural to be scared and nervous. You never know what will happen, but nothing great ever happens, if you do nothing. Congrats!

Post # 4
3106 posts
Sugar bee

I would go for it. I moved cross country for a job in my early 30s. I had no real friends there, just a few business acquaintances. I was so anxious, but it was the best thing I have ever done. It set my career off in a great direction, and I met my husband shortly after. 

You will find your people. It may take awhile but it will happen. I will admit the first few months were hard (winter did not help). Some days I was so lonely that I went and sat in a coffee shop just to be around people and hear conversation. But in time I developed a robust friend group and social life.

As for the job, research has found that women don’t apply for jobs unless they meet 90% or more of the criteria. Men apply if they meet 60%. Obviously, the company believes you can do it. So channel their confidence in you and (your inner mediocre guy) and go for it. And if you hate it, you will find another opportunity (I landed in the wrong job after my second cross country move, but it helped me land an even better job I adore).

And don’t worry about the apartment. You can always move. I moved 12 months after my solo cross country move because my neighborhood was boring. It was no big deal. 

The second time I moved cross country (with my husband), we put all our stuff in storage and subleased/Airbnb’d a couple of furnished places to check out a variety of neighborhoods and housing types. Highly recommend this approach.

Post # 5
4387 posts
Honey bee

Cause change is scary.  Sometimes good scary and sometimes bad scary.

Not only will you find an apt. you like, in TN you could probably have an entire house for what you’re paying in rent in NYC if not even less.

Yes, you’ll make friends.  It isn’t easy necessarily, but most of my closest friends now are people I met in my 30s.  You just be friendly and find people with common interests and say yes to opportunities.

And people, women especially, tend to doubt their qualifications.  They clearly thought you have what it takes, so you should, too.  Just study up and take every opportunity to advance your skills and learn from your co-workers to grow into the role.

Post # 6
256 posts
Helper bee

Feeling nervous or nervous/excited is normal upon changing your life up. It’s so normal. It’s also normal to be scared about such a big change in your life. But, there is a difference between that good kind of nervousness and the feeling that something isn’t the right decision. 

I took a job that, when offered to me, made me feel sick and panicky. I dreaded even getting the offer.  I should have paid more attention to how I felt at the interview, but I took it anyway because it sounded amazing on paper. It was a full time job, it was more money than I had ever made, it was a union position etc etc etc. It ended up being the worst three years of my career. I look back now and I can see that I knew it was wrong. Even as I was accepting it I knew it was wrong. 

Since then I have been a big proponet of following your gut instincts. When I accepted the offer for my current job I was terrified – but also excited, nervous, ready. I don’t think so much about what something looks like, just how it makes me feel. 

Edit: I’m not trying to discourage you from taking the job. Just want to point out that you have to listen to yourself. Only you ultimately know what the right decision is. 

Post # 8
256 posts
Helper bee

anonbee58 :  How are you feeling now about your decision? It sounds like you have a lot to think about. I can’t really help other than tell you to follow your gut, and do what you think is right for you. 

Post # 9
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

anonbee58 :  

What part of Tennessee?  I was grew up in Chicago, spent my adult life in SoCal, and moved to East Tennessee four years ago. I am a pretty cosmopolitan woman.  And I LOVE it here.

Don’t buy into the foolishness from people who have no idea what they’re gassing on about.  I have yet to meet a racist, sexist, bigoted homophobe.  I am actually seeing better diversity here than I did in SoCal.

Our city (pop ~200K) has an opera company and it’s excellent. I’m on the guild.  Palm Springs, my former home, had no opera company or symphony.  We have both.

Our downtown is sophisticated for a city this size.  And we have an endless supply of restaurants.  Due to my annoying (and often pointless) dieting, I have yet to scratch the surface.

Gas is about $2.35/gal.  Please don’t tell anyone.

The scenery is incredible.  We have mountains, lakes and rivers. The best part, for me, coming from the desert, has been all of the greenery.  It just never gets old.

We have four distinct seasons (gawd, I love that), but, they are mild, though summers get hot and muggy.  So did Palm  Springs.  Dry heat, my arse.  Not anymore.

By far, the best part is the people.  It’s been rare to meet an unfriendly person.  Everyone just sort of counts on other people being helpful and kind.

The one stereotype that *is* true is the one about Southern politeness.  

I totally love NYC.  I don’t think I could actually live there, but, I really enjoy going there.

Post # 10
3401 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

anonbee58 :  Change is terrifying. I have never experienced exactly what you’re going through, but I’m going into a very niche line of work (I have to move across the country next week for 5months, just for the internship I need for certification, and there is a huge chance I’ll uproot our lives for a job). And just a year ago, my husband and I moved to Colorado simply because we wanted to.

For the move to Colorado, we put in so much effort to prepare. We moved in with my in-laws to save money. My husband had to retake teacher certification exams just to apply for jobs. We gave up an apartment we loved! All we talked about was how amazing it would be when we got job offers in CO and finally got to move. And then it happened – my husband got a job offer, and two days later so did I. And then the panic set in. Once it became real, the fear of change totally overpowered my initial happiness. 

And now the same thing is happening with this internship. I cried tears of joy when I got it, but now the reality of going across the country for a semester by myself is totally freaking me out.

Thing is, I’ll be ok. And so will you! You applied for jobs in Tennessee for a reason. You have an amazing opportunity in front of you and you need to take it. You will miss your friends, but you’ll make new ones. You’ll miss your apartment, but you’ll find a new one (which btw is going to be way prettier than your current, simply because of the lower cost of living). 

New York will always be there for you. Go do something different and exciting! If it doesn’t work out long term then at least you can say you tried. It is seriously so much fun to live somewhere new, and explore a new area every weekend. They wouldn’t have offered you the job if you weren’t qualified. Go for it. Your gut reaction is purely based on emotions and a fear of change. You applied for the position because you knew it was the right move – trust your past, logical self.

As far as tips for deciding – never underestimate the powers of a pro/con list! However, to me it seems like a no brainer that you need to go. Your update that you don’t see yourself in NYC forever anyway solidifies that for me.

Post # 11
171 posts
Blushing bee

If you’d be moving to Nashville, there will be tons of people in your exact situation. It seems like half the population of NYC is moving here. There is a ton of growth, new companies moving in every month, tons of new people (there are about a million people in the metro area now and about a hundred new people move here everyday). New restaurants opening constantly, nightlife, festivals and activities every weekend, constant stream of tourists, etc.  We have a direct flight to London now which makes traveling to Europe SO much easier, and there are tons of direct flights from Nashville across the country. Obviously it’s not going to be as vibrant as NYC, but you never have to be bored. As for apartments, developers have been falling over themselves to build brand new high-end apartments (with tons of amenities) to keep up with the city’s growth. If you are of a more liberal persuasion, Nashville is definitely liberal. For the most part the rest of TN is not. I’m frequently enraged by state politics, but I’m just as enraged by national politics, so there’s that.

There is also a lot to be said for going with your gut. If your reaction is moreso fear of the unknown, it’s worth doing some research (could you fly here for a weekend to check things out?) to alleviate some of your fears and see if that reduces the sick feeling. If you learn more about it and still have the sick feeling, that’s when I would seriously question the decision.

Post # 13
3401 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

anonbee58 :  Bee, there is a reason why you’ve got friends, family, and strangers on the internet telling you that you have to take this offer! Your concerns are very much a fear of change. I mean, look at the cons here – you are panicking about your commute, even though you stated that it’s actually a faster commute! 

Look, I get the concerns you have. I get the fear of change. But based on everything you have said in this thread, you HAVE to accept this job offer. Please do not turn it down. Please do not think that flying out to Nasheville in this anxious, panicked state is going to help anything. You seem like a super logical person who has gotten caught up in anxiety. So listen to us, listen to your family, and listen to your friends, and accept the offer.

Post # 14
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If you don’t take it, I will. 

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