(Closed) Sigh. Waiting sucks.

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That DOES suck. IF? After 5 years? OUCH. Have you talked to him about how much his word choice hurts you? He may not mean it as you hear it, but it’s definitely important that you clarify!

Post # 4
6253 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

After five years he should KNOW whether he wants to marry you. There might be things holding him back from asking you right now, like finances, or wanting to finish school, or not feeling quite ready for marriage yet, or maybe even not being sure how YOU feel about it. But he should be sure about whether he loves you and wants to marry you by now.

I don’t want to worry you, but it seems like perhaps it’s time to have a long, serious talk about where the two of you see this relationship going. Tell him you’ve been together too long for “if” — unless you’d be fine with never getting married — and that while you don’t expect a proposal right away or anything, you want to make sure you’re both on the same page before you go any farther. After five years, you deserve at least that. If he isn’t willing to give it to you, there are guys who would be sure about you one way or the other in much less time. It kind of sounds like he is stringing you along, from what you’re saying above. Hopefully I am just being overly pessimistic.

Post # 5
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

I dont think you have to worry tooo much about how long youve been with him.. Sometimes boys just dont get it! they get happy with the way things are so why fix it.. it took my FH ages to get the hint.. and id just about given up on the idea.. i had been waiting for AGES! lol it felt like it! and i just thought it wasnt a possibility! he brought it up while we were doing the washing up.. i thought he was joking.. nearly told him to stop being a d***.

i know it doesnt help you at all, but hang in there for a little longer.. drop hints back at him.. maybe casually talk to him about it.. dont sit him down to “talk”. boys hate that.. and also give him a few seconds to reply.. they usually think about what they want to say before they go to say it, unlike us who usually blurt anything out.. lol!

good luck!

Post # 6
147 posts
Blushing bee

Ugh. The IF makes me cry a little each time. At first it was fun to talk about the if but now I want to know if he thinks I’m really it. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to come out and talk to him about it or not, because it is just a silly word. I just want him to know it bothers me that he says that without him feeling bad and having to watch everything that comes out of his mouth. 

Post # 7
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
@hottlips: What if you were to playfully just correct him and say “you mean when” whenever he says “if”? This might spark the conversation in a non-confrontational way. Then you can tell him that after 5 years you are sure he is the one for you. If he had any question in his mind about whether you want to be with him, this would erase all doubt and maybe make him confident enough to start declaring that you are his future wife.

Post # 8
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@WestCoast: I sorta second lizzieloverex. I wouldn’t read too much into the “If,” but I totally understand your feelings. Five years is a long time, but every relationship is different. Have you ever had serious talks about marriage and knowing that, assuming all goes well, you’re headed that direction?

Also, somewhat like what Reign14 said, how about next time he says, ‘If we get married…’ just casually asking him, “Hey babe, you think we’ll ever turn that ‘if we get married’ into a ‘when we get married?’ Not tomorrow, but I’d love to know your thoughts on it…” or something to that extent? Not sure if that would work for everyone, but I think maybe bringing it up without saying “it kills me when you say that” or something will help steer away from either making him feel bad or defensive, and hopefully open the door to some constructive but casual talks. 

Hang in there!

Post # 10
3311 posts
Sugar bee

Definitely tell him no more “ifs”- he should know by now— good luck honey *hugs*

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