Post # 1
A majority of my good friends are from college, and while most of us started out as friends through the years there have been a LOT of splits. Several people downright and openly hate each other, often talking to me about their dislike of one another. I have tried my best to stay out of it or delegate from the middle because I want to remain friends with them all (and thus far, I have succeeded in doing so).
However, with a wedding looming on the horizon I’m starting to get a little… panicked. I’m completely terrified about choosing a bridal party at this point because I don’t want any personality conflicts to happen, so I’m stuck on who to choose and who to leave out. There’s no way to make my choices 100% neutral because if I choose one person, another will be hurt and etc.
If I could have it my way, there are 7 girls I’d like to ask. Four of them are more-or-less neutral and I don’t believe would give me any trouble. Three, however, I’m positive would because as I said, there’s animosity (or when it comes to another, massive potential for it because she rarely gets along with people and makes snap judgements on who she likes/doesn’t like).
I’ve cut it down to 4 people who would probably work well together, but even then I’m afraid of bad blood getting in the way just having certain people as wedding guests. Amongst our friends, there are break ups and wrecked friendships. People who literally will not come into the same room as one another.
Have you dealt with this for your guest list? How did you handle it? And do you have suggestions for me on letting people down with not choosing them for my bridal party? There are a couple of girls I’m sure expect to be asked, but I just don’t think I can given their history with other people.
ETA: Also, I know some might suggest not inviting these people but the problem is I love them all equally. They hate each other, but that doesn’t effect how much I care about them and value their friendship. I want all of them there on my wedding day.
Post # 3
Wow, that’s a toughie! I guess the most obvious thing I thought of is whether you think they might just be aduilts and suck it up for your day? If they love you (like they should if they’re going to be your BM’s!), then I would hope they could just get over it for a day and at the absolute least be civil.
If you really don’t think they can do that, then definitely don’t ask them, because obviously you want to avoid inviting drama. I don’t get the whole “expecting to be asked” thing, and then people getting upset….I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man several times and I never “expected” it. It’s an honour, and the bride’s choice, and I really don;t think you should have to justify why you asked who you asked. However, if you really think they are going to be hurt could you give them other jobs? Ushers, maybe one of them takes photos or does makeup, etc etc? If it gets ugly, then just tell them flat out that you didn;t want fighting in your wedding party. You have every right to feel that way.
Post # 4
Personally, I think you should have it your way and ask the 7 girls that you want. They should understand that this is your wedding, and they should be adult enough to at least pretend to get along for one day. The way I see it, it is their problem that they don’t get along, not yours, and they need to deal with it. I actually had two friends in my bridal party that didn’t get along, and apparently there was some drama between the two while planning my bachelorette party and at the actual bachelorette party, but on the wedding day, they at least made an effort to be civil towards one another for me. You can also individually talk to the 3 that you think would cause trouble and let them know your decision on who you are picking as bridesmaids just to give them a heads up.
Post # 5
I dealt with this a little while planning who to ask to be in my bridal party, so I’ll share my experience. My Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my BMs had a very bad history (lots of talking behind each other’s backs, they would not even be in the same room as each other for a while). I went ahead and asked both of them to be in the wedding party and I stressed to both of them that it was important to me that they both be there for my day and I asked both of them to try to get along (at least to be civil) for things that involved the wedding. I told them that I was not going to choose between the two of them because I love them both. And to my surprise….they’re friends now! After I sat them down separately and told them how important they both were to me and how I wanted them to be there for me. They both made the decision to act like adults when we went shopping for bridesmaid dresses and after being civil with each other they realized that they were grown women and should get along because their fued made things sooo uncomfortable for everyone else.
So if I were you I would sit them down and stress how important they all are to you and to please be civil for your sake and forget their past for a few hours. You never know, if you put it to them in an adult way, maybe they will realize how much their choices affect other people.