(Closed) Sigh. One thing after another

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Sending hugs! I was not aware of this. What’s the *acceptable* time frame for going to a wedding after a family death?

Surely her mother would want her to go to her son’s wedding?

 I wish i had more help but i’m not familiar with traditional chinese cultural stuff

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think your fiance should talk to his mother.  I don’t understand the importance of all of the traditions, so I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but there is no way you can change plans  because of a death in the family that is over three weeks before your wedding.  Make sure you respect their mourning time, but let your fiance communicate with his family that you’re not going to change the date and you hope they will understand and attend anyway.

Post # 6
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow, a year? I had no idea. I guess it depends how traditional this family is. I can imagine that it’s difficult to get married because I’m sure if i thought about it, somebody in my family dies every year due to old age! 

Maybe it has to deal with the situation surrounding it, like how old she was, etc? 

I’m sure your Fiance will get some good info from your family. You just simply cannot change the date out, it’s just not going to happen.I hope there’s a happy solution for this.

Post # 7
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

JoesWifey – sorry to hear about your FI’s grandmother and the difficult situation it puts things in. That said – you’re correct that in Chinese tradition a family will wait a year before attending functions like weddings (my family isn’t traditional at ALL – but THIS tradition they did abide by). I know you said that you can’t post-pone this wedding again (not sure if you have in the past) but once family members hear of her passing you’ll likely have more empty seats at the wedding than just your Future Mother-In-Law…so post-poning it might be your best bet.

I’m sorry if that information isn’t very helpful but I do sincerely hope things work out.

Post # 10
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

JoesWifey – *hugs* I really don’t know what I would do in your situation..but as I said before..if you’re inviting other family members (from FI’s side of the family) there’s a good chance a good lot of them won’t attend.

As I understand it – the reason we don’t attend celebratory functions (like weddings) is b/c it’ll bring bad luck or bad fortune (in this case to the bride and groom)…and attending something like that would be considered poor taste and disrespectful (to the person who passed away and also to the bride and groom).

Post # 11
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If that’s the case then I’m sure you’d be able to work out things w/your Fiance and fmil. Once again – I really hope things work out! Having an interracial relationship is often hard enough (I’m in one too!) but having big cultural differents is even harder when it involves the extended family and traditions. *HUGS*

Post # 12
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Good luck!

That’s awful for everyone invoived. If your Mother-In-Law can’t go (or won’t) is there anyway to include her later on with a small reception? Maybe even go to China to celebrate with his family? 

Post # 13
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

You might take it as an honor that she won’t attend the wedding?  That sounds bad, let me explain.

She believes that it would bring bad luck to the bride and groom if she attended.  So if she really didn’t like you, she would attend anyway, give you a big hug, and basically jynx your marriage (in her eyes).  The fact that she is torn about it means that she accepts you and the marriage, so you might think of that part of it as a good thing.

I doubt that there are penalties in China for postponing the wedding due to death.  Perhaps they don’t understand the amount of money you will lose?  Let us know what happens when your Fiance talks to her!

PS-Your Fiance might be really upset about his grandmother, so you may not want to hit him with this right when he walks in the door…

Post # 14
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I am so sorry about this.

Actually I believe the custom is, if there is an immediate death in the family, you either have to get married within 100 days or wait 1 yr. In your case, I think you said 3 weeks away, which will fit that 100 days rule.

 

Post # 16
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Adding onto what I just wrote…

Q: My Fiancee and I are planning a wedding next year.  My father passed away a month ago.  I was told that if we were to get married, we should do it either within 100 days of the death or 3 years later.  Is this a traditional rule?  How does one apply today?
A:  It is an old tradition that in honor of a deceased parent, the children should mourn for three years.  Any entertainment or social activity will be disallowed.  Wedding is considered a celebration where entertainment will take place.  If a marriage has been planned in the near future, the children would either get married within 3 months, called "hot mourning", or have to wait till after 3 years. 

http://www.chinabridal.com/etiquette/bfaq.htm

The topic ‘Sigh. One thing after another’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors