(Closed) *sigh* wedding planning on my own..rant

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmm..it sounds like there is a bit of an issue since he is not getting involved at all. I mean most guys won’t be into all the details of colours and flowers etc, but they should be interested in the bigger stuff like money, venue, guest list, music, bridal party.


The budget does need to be set up at start for sure! Otherwise you won’t know how much you can allocate to each item and how much you have actually spent. If you do this at the end you will probably overspend. Is he nervous about it all do you think?


Post # 4
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We are planning our wedding ourselves, but my fi is very supportive.

I do feel that you should set a budget. You don’t have to start buying things now [although we are, we’re about $4k in], but its good to start socking the money away.

Maybe your fi assumed someone would pay for your wedding? In a perfect world, sure, but it doesn’t always happen that way.

Post # 5
46672 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@haychard:  Well now you have a whole community to help you with the planning. There are quite a few Lower Mainland Bees here too!

Post # 6
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

my Fiance isn’t super involved; i have done a very large majority of the planning, but he has helped with some things (dj, band, limo, honeymoon, choosing food/cake, etc).  i didn’t actually set a budget ever really tbh.  i had absolutely no idea what things would cost and found it difficult b/c of that.  i basically went on a case by case basis as to whether certain things were worth the $ and decided that way.

Post # 7
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

My Fiance isn’t doing a lot of stuff either. I am not sure whether he expected magic elves to come in during the night and plan this, or what, but he always acts bewildered when I’ve planned something. Like he wanted a say-so, but he never seems that interested when I am trying fo figure stuff out. I’ve been devoting so much time to this since we got engaged, and he mostly just does work stuff and plays video games, so I don’t know what to tell him.

The worst part was on the day we went to meet the caterers, I asked him to make a list of stuff he really wanted there, foodwise, so I could look over it, add my contributions and we could talk about it. He didn’t do anything. So we get there, we both just start throwing ideas out, and then when we get the menu it’s only the stuff he suggested that I would have tried to talk him out of/get him to compromise on because it’s not stuff I care for. Argh!

Post # 10
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Mine isn’t part of the planning either.  He doesn’t see the point in having a celebration and just wants to be married.  Bah humbug!  At the very beginning I was completely alone too (when I had to make some big decisions) but now my mom is able to help more. 

My advice from personal experience, don’t force him to be involved.  You will only frustrate yourself.  Do you have any friends that wouldn’t mind being a sound board?

Post # 11
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have a gut feeling my fiancee may be like this too, if I ever start/attempt to plan a wedding. He has asked, “When are we getting married?” I am like, “I don’t know, wanna run away?” He said, “Ya, totally.” It’s basically because of my insurance that I have nothing planned – I am on some meds – expensive meds – and his company insurance will only cover after high deductible. But I am serious about getting married – not sure when – even when I bring it up – it’s like vanilla.

Post # 12
4436 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@haychard:  Hi fellow Van Bee! I’m sorry your Fiance isn’t very helpful at all:( It’s a lot of work to do on your own, esp as your family is far away. If you need someone to go dress shopping with you, I would definitely go!! 

Post # 13
855 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance is not at all interested in planning. I’ve done 95% of the work and his 5% was sitting next to me while I asked him questions. I’m pretty sure he just cycled through “yes, no, what do you think”. He says he just wants to be married and let’s just elope.

i figured he would be no help though. Since I knew it going it I’m not stressing out or badgering him. Maybe once a week I ask for help and make him listen to plans, he just smiles and says he loves my ideas….not helpful but whatever.

im not stressing out, it’s a wedding but at the end of the day all that really matters is that we both show up and say I do. help would be amazing but I knew how he was about planning before he ever proposed

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