(Closed) significant other issue

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, that is really presumptious of them.  Under other circumstances, I would say to hold your ground, but if this guy did already purchase a plane ticket, then maybe it would be best to let this one slide, especially if it’s going to cause a rift between this family and you.  However, I would still express your distaste to them of how they handled the situation.

Post # 4
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, how rude of them to impose on you like that!  They should be reimbursing him for the plane ticket, and telling him he’s not invited.  I’m thinking you could go about this two ways:

1) Suck it up and let him come.  This unfortunately tells the aunt that it is ok to do something like this, but at the same time makes things easier and less drama-y.  If you have to pay for a minimum of people and he makes it under, at least it wouldn’t cost your parents extra.

2) Tell the aunt that unfortunately, he cannot come.  Suggest other things for him to do in the area while his girlfriend and family are at the wedding.  This could cause drama or a refusal of the cousin/girlfriend to come.

I’d probably be furious, but if a plane ticket that a 19 year old paid for came into the equation, I’d let him come.  It isn’t his fault the aunt and her family assumed he was invited.  Ugh some people!

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It was very presumptious of them to invite him without your okay and let him get a ticket.  I would feel bad not inviting him when he already has a ticket.  We invited everyone over 18 with a date but I know not everyone can afford that.

Post # 6
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

stand your ground, if that’s what you want then she needs to respect that.

It was wrong of her to make any assumptions, regarding of NO rsvp’s.

I am dealing with a similar situation – I have told them too bad, so sad.  They can come AFTER dinner but not for the whole wedding.

Post # 7
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Pretty rude…. also why bother asking if they already told him to buy a plane ticket!

Personally though, I’d let it slide.

Post # 8
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

(p.s. if you do it for one, it’ll start a snowball effect.)

Post # 9
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I think that’s really rude, and you could let your aunt know that, but then tell her well nothing we can do now, if he already has a plane ticket, I say let it slide. But I would probably let her know that I was a little upset that she did so without asking first, since you have a budget and didn’t appreciate her over stepping her bounds.

Post # 10
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree that I would definitely let the aunt know how freakin’ rude this was, but then I would probably let it slide.  I mean, he did already buy a plane ticket and there’s sort of nothing that can be done about that.

Post # 12
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

In my own life, I’d be super pissed but probably let it slide because I am not confrontational, but this is what I would really be thinking:

He is not the first person I would want to fill an open spot.  How rude and presumptuous that a plane ticket was bought without an invitation – and that the family extended an invitation without asking you.  I’m sorry he spent the money but it’s really not my fault.

That being said, of course, I would probably let him come to avoid drama.  But, man! In the words of Stephanie Tanner, “How rude!

Post # 13
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wait, he already bought a plane ticket for a wedding in October? And these kids are 19? Who the heck knows they will still be dating someone 6 months from now when they are 19? Are they super serious?

Anyways, if he really did buy a ticket (which I’m honestly suspicious of), I think you should tell her he can come, but flat out tell her, “Look, you have put me in a very awkward situation and I really wish you had not assumed an invitation is forth coming. I simply cannot afford to invite a date for every person in the family. But I am going to let this slide, on one condition: do not tell other people that I let him come and made an exception for him. If you do, it could end up costing me tons extra because everyone will want a date. I’m not talking just a couple hundred dollars, it could cost thousands. He can come, but please, keep it quiet.”

Honestly, don’t hesitate to let her know just what a sticky situation she has put you in. There is no need to be bitchy, just be matter of fact.

Post # 14
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are you kidding?  What was the point in her asking…she basically just told you tough he is coming along anyway!  And I’m sorry, but at 19 she does not need to bring her boyfriend along!  That is just extremley rude and i would tell her that its just too bad he already bought they ticket and she better call the airline to see if he can get his money back!  UGHHH!  What is wrong with these people!

Post # 15
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@monitajb: awesome suggestions.

Post # 16
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, I can’t believe that the aunt did this! Maybe he was already coming to see her that weekend and then your invite came along? Either way, I do think that unfortunately, to keep the peace, allow him to come. I’m with the other posters in that you should definitely make it quite clear what a very difficult situation they put you in. Sorry that the aunt did this, and I think you’re handling it very maturely.

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