(Closed) Signing a lease today…without a ring

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I suspect that you’ll find a lot of differing experiences, making it hard to sort through.  I can tell you tales of friends from both sides of the fence.  My best suggestions are:

1. Make sure you really are ok living together before engagement.  Think back to why you made the promise to yourself.  Are all of those reasons still valid?  If so, is there any new reason to not wait that you didn’t think of back then?  Is it significant enough to outweigh the other factors?

2. Have a clear timeline set out and plans for what you do if it doesn’t happen.  You don’t need to tell him the latter, but be clear regarding timing and make sure he truly agrees with you.

3. Relax, don’t focus so much on timing that you can’t enjoy yourself and your relationship!  (aka don’t tank it by being a b!tch while waiting because you are impatient) 

Post # 4
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you are clear that he will be able to save up enough money for the ring and purchase it by July 1, I don’t see the problem.  But if I were you, considering the promises you made to yourself, I would not sign a lease until I was engaged. Where are you living now?  July 1 is less than three months away… why not just stay where you are until then? If your leases are up, most places with let you do a month to month for a few months.

Post # 5
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i have been living with my BOYFRIEND for well over a year and i had assumed that i would be engaged very shortly after but that’s not the case (even though i know its coming) and it has been very frustrating and when we did our first leasing agreement i did not put my name on the lease i just put myself as a resident. we did a new leasing agreement after 13 months and i still didn’t have a ring and i re signed my name as a resident because i didnt want to get myself into that situation if anything ever happened. but my advice is to not sign the lease and let him do it alone πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

can you not sign the lease but live with him? have the lease in his name until you get a ring on your finger?

Post # 7
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

 You got to try to remain patient even though it’s tough. It will happen if he’s already made all those hints and everything is falling into place. I can totally understand that he just wants to buy you the kind of ring that you want and trust me, a good ring that you’re going to love is worth waiting for just like the perfect match is worth waiting for.

My Fiance and I moved in together before we got engaged so we could spend more time together. He was always over my place anyway so he was wasting money on his apartment.

I think you guys are making the right decision in moving in together so it’s a step in the right direction. You truly get to know a person much better after you’ve lived with them so I think it’s an important step when considering marriage.

My Fiance moved in with me last year in October and ended up proposing to me on Valentine’s Day this year so it actually happened much sooner than I thought it would. I think it certainly helped that we communicated pretty often about marriage and our future so he knew how important marriage was to me. I wish you lots of luck!

 

Post # 8
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A lot of Bees have already posted great advice on how to handle this situation personally. I have a professional background in property management and wanted to want to add my two cents.

I strongly recommend that you review your lease for stipulations in case one of you needs to leave the apartment (just in case). I manage several apartment buildings in DC, and have had a few instances where a couple had to live together after a break up, because they could not get out of the lease.

I don’t mean to be a “Debbie Downer”, I just want you to make sure you can get out with little or no penalty, if necessary.

Post # 9
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have a different perspective… we decided to buy a house before getting engaged because it was more important for us to set ourselves up financially. We have been living together for over 2 years now without a ring but it doesn’t bother me that much because up until about 3 months ago it was a financial reason that we weren’t engaged. Now we are just saving up for the engagement / wedding.

It comes down to trust and if you believe that this will happen. Everything you have posted is very positive so I would just go with your instincts.

Post # 11
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was in a similar pickle last december. I had told myself that I was done with the cohabitation thing until there was a ring on my finger.

I’ll spare you the long story of how we actucally managed to move in together and just say that we dated for almost two years and then had to carry on long-distance for about another year. I needed to move from the place I was living in at the time and we were both ready to move forward with our relationship. I found a great little apartment and signed the lease since he wasn’t going to move in for another 6 months or so. Prior to moving in I made it very clear to him that I needed a commitment and I wasn’t going to deal with another roommate. He told me not to worry and that he had something very special planned in a few months. Sure enough, he proposed about 2 months later.

I remember ( and being very nervous about it) asking my mom what she thought about moving in together before we were engaged and her exact words were “would you ever purchase a car without test driving it first?”. Logically, I knew she was right. I needed to know what I was getting myself into first. I was sort of angry with myself because I had promised myself that I wouldn’t move in with anybody until I had a ring but I think it was a very very good decision because it only made me more certain. 

 

Post # 12
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would also say that if you are moving in together, then you definitely want to be on the lease with him.  If worst came to pass, you don’t want to have to be looking immediately for a new place because only he has the right to be there!  It may be awkward to be there together, but at least you have time.  I was not on the lease at one place with an ex-bf and it always bothered me – when we moved, I made to get on the lease at the new place and felt more comfortable about it.

Post # 13
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Welcome- since you believe it is coming go on with your plans (you already signed the lease) and if a ring isn’t present by lease end- move out and think about your next step. Good luck- I hope it happens soon.

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the big difference between you and some of the others who commented here are that they “assumed” they would be getting engaged soon, and you have certifiably discussed and fully communicated on timelines, wishes, intents, and have a plan moving forward. There’s a big difference between poor communication based on assumptions, and what you guys have been smart enough to lay out for the future. I think you’ll be fine!! Congrats on the lease signing!

Post # 16
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

@AspenRaven:

Welcome! πŸ™‚

Being in my 30s myself, and in a relatively new relationship (just over 2 years), I went through similar thoughts last year when SO and I moved in together.  And (to spare you the whole story) we are getting engaged very soon (the ring has been ordered)!

I read your story and it seems to me that you guys will be fine!  It’s obvious that you guys are open with each other, and you’re making the commitment to live together, etc. 

Congrats on the lease and moving in!! πŸ™‚

 

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