SIL and XMas lists

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Reading your update–that is seriously fucked up. I second the idea of giving both kids something as an experience so she cannot return/withhold it from them.

Post # 32
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Having seen the update, yes, I would gift something to both of them to share, preferably an experience like the zoo or a museum. That’s just so cruel and gross and ugh.

Post # 33
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee

taytay41 :  holy fucking shit. Your SIL…I can’t even. I’d have blown up and bitched her out for that bull about her daughter. So what if she’s “delayed”…she doesn’t get nice things then?! 

I’d get the most annoying and loud toy ever and gift it to him to spite the mother. And give everyone gift cards. Lots of little $5 ones. Just to be annoying. 

Post # 34
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

taytay41 :  ugh my best friends SIL sends her lists like this for everything!! I think doing this is incredibly rude and self-centered, unless of course someone asks for some suggestions on what their child would like. She sent her a list for Easter saying “I don’t want the kids to have candy, but they need new t-ball gloves and cleats,  etc”. My best friend was with me when she got the text (which was a group text, BTW) and I burst out laughing. She rolled her eyes and said she does this all the time. My friend ended up giving her kids some bubbles and chalk and stuff like that, and luckily the SIL didn’t say anything about it. 

Get her son what you want. Don’t even give the list any more thought. I cannot believe people do this. If I ever got a list like that without asking, I would definitely tell whoever gave it to me where they can shove it 😇

ETA: after seeing your update, I would definitely get them something they can both share. Your SIL sounds like a seriously horrible person. 

Post # 35
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was going to say confront her and say “I plan to spend $50. What should I get him?” before I saw your update.

Now I’m just absolutely disgusted. Don’t punish the boy bc it’s not his fault his mother sucks….but I’ll tell you want. That daughter would be getting a huge gift from me this year. I don’t care if I blew my budget. 

Post # 36
Member
4603 posts
Honey bee

NOPE.  F that and F her.  Either get the kids the same thing or give them an experience to share together.  She can shove her photo ops up and spin on it.  And I realize your list is an example, but how do stuffed animals and a sports jersey enrich him?  It’s not a chemistry set or a trip to space camp.

Movies, zoo, etc.  Or if they live close by take them shopping themselves.  For my cousin’s oldest kids I just take them to the mall, give them a dollar amount to pick out their own gift, and then we also pick out a toy to drop in Toys for Tots.  We spend quality time together and usually also grab lunch and the kids get what they want and learn about giving.

Post # 38
Member
6302 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I might pick one item for the boy (just so he has something to unwrap- though if the list specifically focused on him, he might be covered already). And it would be cheap.

I’d get the daughter a lovely gift (or an awesome experience gift).

I’d get that mother an etiquette book with the section on gift giving highlighted so she can’t return it. I would give it to her separately from everyone else, though.

She’s teaching her kids so many terrible things. She needs to be called out, I’m glad to hear that people are doing it.

Post # 39
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee

taytay41 :  is the child living with a learning disability perhaps???? Has SIL even tried to get the girl evaluated? 

If it’s so obvious that she favors one over the other, what has been said/done to protect the child here and make sure she’s not being emotionally abused by this? If she needs help she needs to be getting it.

Post # 41
Member
702 posts
Busy bee

Do we have the same SIL?! Mine also gave a list of “acceptable” items to purchase for her son, although she left out the money part. I’ve sent gifts on two occasions, once for the baby shower and another from the birth and I never received a thank you so I stopped sending gifts. I wonder how long she’ll send me lists of gifts before she realizes I’m not sending anything.

Post # 42
Member
11578 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

taytay41 :  well, children have no advocates except the grown ups in their lives so screw this woman. Yes, I would call her out. 

I would write back :Option 4: therapy for the favored child and the scapegoat. Your poor daughter. You’re welcome. 

Post # 43
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

She is being completely ridiculous! I would ignore the whole grouping thing and buy $50 worth of legos (like a batman set and starwars set since those are on the list). I feel like many people have forgotten the real meaning of Christmas. I always buy my nephew and niece fun gifts and leave the clothes for the parents to buy.

Post # 44
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

taytay41 :  I would refuse to participate in this. Either do the experience thing like others suggested or set $50 aside for their college fund. FYI, we always gave our nephews and nieces experiences for gifts and they loved it. They’re adults now and still talk about how fun it was.

Post # 45
Member
2845 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

F*ck that jazz. Is Fiance up for calling her out on her nonsense? Her poor poor daughter, I can’t even imagine. I would definitely do the experiences gift for both children and maybe plan an extra experience for the daughter. It sounds as if she could really use an advocate in the family. 

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