SIL and XMas lists

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 62
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

taytay41 :  she wants friends for Xmas,oh my god my heart is hurting reading that. Poor poor girl 

I actually want to punch your sil clean on the nose

Post # 63
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

taytay41 :  Believe it or not, it made me a stronger person. My Grandmother wasn’t really a consant part of my life or my childhood because my parents felt that she was too toxic.  I had parents, sibilings, and friends who loved me and helped build me int the person that I am today. Your niece has her mother saying and doing these things to her, and is being pitted against her brother. There’s no escaping that. Is there any way that the family could band together to present a united front for your niece? Instead of just you showing up to events, maybe the family as a while could? This would prevent your SIL from lashing out at just you. 

Post # 64
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Your SIL is an awful person.  I think showing your niece that you care about her is probably the best thing that you can do – in all honesty I wouldn’t bother about being concerned that you’re overstepping with your SIL, because fuck her, she’s certainly not behaving like a parent to her daughter.

Post # 65
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Gross. I’d be giving her a gift card just to spite het.

Post # 67
Member
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

taytay41 :  it’s fantastic that you’re taking positive steps. Hopefully then she will also feel able to confide in you.

One thing I would say though is to also keep an eye on your nephew, as in these kinds of dynamics then golden child can often end up more damaged than the scape goat. My husband was the golden child of a narc, and he has a number of issues, including narcissistic traits which have made our relationship very difficult as he can be abusive. So although your neice is the one more obviously suffering/affected, just keep in mind that this favouritism will do significant damage to your nephew which could have a major impact later on in his life and make having or maintaining relationships difficult.

DWIL is worth a look as they can probably offer more constructive advice than I can; also Out of the Fog. Because I’m not sure how you would go about dealing with this.

Post # 68
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

How heartbreaking. I’m also alarmed that the girl seems to have significant delays and has never been evaluated or had them addressed, if that is true. Would Brother-In-Law be more receptive if someone talked to him privately? 

Post # 69
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sugarcloud :  omg I love this idea!! I’m definitely using it if anyone ever gives me a list like this lol

Post # 70
Member
6100 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

taytay41 :  I’m glad to hear that the family is coming together to show up for your niece. SIL sounds like a piece of shit but she may have inadvertently managed to give her daughter the best possible gift with her selfish holiday demands. I hope the kids are able to get the love and support they need. It sounds like the entire family (mom, dad and kids) could use some therapy.

Post # 71
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

WOW.  This whole situation is insane but I’m glad it sounds like the rest of your DH’s family is normal enough to see the issues.  Your niece is lucky to have you all!  Such a sad, strange situation.  Has SIL always been this crazy or is this a new level of it?

Post # 72
Member
9616 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My heart breaks for this little girl! She wants friends for Christmas, that is just the saddest thing. She is lucky to have family that not only sees the problem but is actively working to find a solution. That family environment sounds so toxic for her, is it possible that talking to Brother-In-Law without SIL could be ther could be more productive?

Post # 74
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

taytay41 :  You’d be amazed at how bad a parent has to be before the courts will get involved, especially when the parents are married and parenting how they see fit. 

Not that either one of them are fit IMO. 

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