(Closed) SIL Disaster – Attempted Wedding Day hijack

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Which date would you get married on?
    Anniversary : (8 votes)
    22 %
    Date chosen by SIL to avoid family drama : (15 votes)
    41 %
    Any other day but with no overseas guests : (9 votes)
    24 %
    Need more info... : (5 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6221 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    If it were me, I wouldn’t want to have my wedding 10 days after my brother’s and would probably wait a few months, at least. I would be annoyed, too, if one of my siblings got engaged after I’d already set a date and set their wedding for so close to mine.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Is there any way you can compromise? I think waiting would be a nice consideration. You could always put a proposal for them to go on their honeymoon after your wedding too. Maybe suggest that it would be a great time for them to get their thank you notes together? 

    I know people only get one day and that a whole week/month etc. should not center around their wedding. Having it 10 days after theirs seems to be awfully close and inconvenient though.  Are you only keeping it that day because of your anniversary or is it also because you have out of town guests that would still be around? Did they pick their day first or you? I think you should consider your guests in all of this too. If a lot of them will be traveling they may have to pick between one wedding or the other which may be irking them. 

    ETA: I should also mention that I would be pretty upset if my sister chose to have her wedding that close to mine. She’s kind of attention needy though so I tend to have a history of problems like that with her. Maybe your Future Sister-In-Law sees this as you trying to steal her moment from her and doesn’t know how to tell you in a better way?

    Post # 5
    Member
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Why do you need to do it on your anniversary date?  I think that two weddings in 10 days is way too much, honestly.  For you, your family, and your friends.

    Also, your poll is biased because you only give two options and you also make it sound as if this is about meeting/ not meetng your SIL’s demands.  The truth is, there is a lot more involved including rational reasons, not to have a wedding 10 days apart- not just because we “need more info”- and are there not more options?.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4324 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    If you REALLY want your brother to attend, I would push the wedding back. There’s nothing worse than being rushed out of your honeymoon on someone else’s account.  If they had saved up for a few years for a long, 3 week honeymoon and you choose to have your date conflict with their in-place plans, try not to get upset if they didn’t want to disrupt their own marital bliss to rush back home. Let them enjoy being newly weds. No matter what you decide, don’t be angry with them. They only want what you want, and that’s to have a memorable wedding celebration, including a honeymoon.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Oh and if you are worried about having it on your anniversary please don’t! Any day that you pick will be special! We wanted to share our anniversary with my best friend’s parents. Her dad was like a father to me and passed away from prostate cancer a year and a half ago. It was really important to have that day, but we had to change our date for financial reasons and it’s ok. Our new date doesn’t have significance like that one did, but the day will still be just as wonderful and important in years to come. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Nic01:  Have you explained the bit about wanting your relatives there to your brother and his FI? 

    Post # 11
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Was your plan for the out of town family to stay for over a week in order to be able to attend both weddings? I mean, that in itself is expensive, right? I’m not sure how that would work out.

    I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I wouldn’t have mine close to a sibling’s date – I’d also not wait 20 months, though.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2157 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would be a bit annoyed, I’m sorry. My Future Sister-In-Law almost set her date 2 weeks before mine and I was a bit upset at that. I understand your reasoning between the closer dates, but 10 days is still a long time for people to stay if they are from overseas.  And if it interupts your brother’s honeymoon, you really can’t expect him to cut that short to come to your wedding.  Sorry, but I would suggest changing the date.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2157 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I also would not suggest to the SIL to change their date. By rights they picked their date first so they should not have to change it.

    Three weeks after would still fit in the relatives if they stay for up to 4 weeks and it’s only fair to your brother and his future wife.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Nic01:  Huh well since they don’t want their honeymoon interrupted you could always offer to do yours the weekend before and explain that you don’t mind waiting for your honeymoon. : D Ugh I’m being a bad influence right now! That would probably tick them off, but if the honeymoon is what they are worried about then that sounds like the best way to go about it if your family can plan the time around it for their 2-4 week stay.

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