(Closed) SIL doesn't consider my kids her niece/nephews …. wtf?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
785 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I had no idea that if I have a husband with nieces and nephews, that I am supposed to consider them my niceces and nephews also. The only kids I would consider my nieces or nephews would be my siblings’ kids. I thought that was how it worked… It’s as if you’re suggesting that you think your SIL should consider you her actual sister… Maybe some people do, but I can’t imagine that. I have one brother and one sister, and to me marriage is never going to change that. “SIL” or “BIL” is just a word to me, a technicality. I wouldn’t consider them to be my actual sisters or brothers, and their kids would just be “Sarah’s kids” or “my husband’s sister’s kids” or something. Maybe I’m from a different culture or something, idk.

Post # 17
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

This reminds me of Thanksgiving when I was about eight years old. I was sitting next to my uncle’s wife at dinner. I had always called her “Aunt _” and had known her all my life as my auntie.

Anyway, at dinner she began to talk about how excited she was about her brother’s new baby (a girl). She said the words, “I’ve always wanted a niece.” I was so hurt! I said, “I thought I was your niece?” She quickly tried to smooth it over, but I’ve never forgotten it, haha.

Post # 18
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I call my uncle’s wife by her name and she refers to me as “her husband’s niece” although we have a good relationship. Maybe it’s because I was already 14 when they got married though. I hadn’t really thought about it until now. I think if she’s not interested in them, that might be the problem, not what she calls them. And still, you can’t force a relationship. I guess all of us were closer to some relatives than to others. 

Post # 20
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

It’s funny, I was trying to think about this, and all the possible variations in my OWN life. I consider my SIL’s boys my nephews, and they call me Aunt Liz. They were born before I was in the picture, but the oldest was only 5, so I have known them for most of their little lives.

I still consider my aunt’s (whom I never was fortunate to meet) widower my Uncle Dan, he and my dad are close, even though he has since remarried.

However, on the other side, to say I am not a fan of my uncle’s wife would be an understatement, and I never refer to her as my aunt…

I guess in my case it does have to do with familial bond and attachment, but it seems like maybe that isn’t the case for everyone?

Post # 21
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My fi’s sister’s kids are my fi’s nephew and niece. They’re not my nephew or niece and still won’t be once we are married. And “niece in law” just sounds silly. Doesn’t mean i don’t adore them– because I do– but we aren’t actually related! And while I may call my uncle’s wife “my aunt” just for convenience, she isn’t actually my aunt.

the relationship is a lot more important than the name you out on it. Stop fixating on the name.

Post # 22
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Interesting, how language change perception of relations to people. In my language, the term for niece or nephew is “brother’s-son/daughter” or “sister’s-son/daughter”. Apparently, my husband’s niece or nephew can’t be mine, because their parents are not my brother or sister. Also, terms for SIL’s, BIL’s and in-laws in general are built in a way that doesn’t say they are your sister/brother/mother/father by law, but indicate that they are your husband’s/wife’s relatives. Probably it’s part of overall difference in family dynamics between cultures.

Post # 24
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My mother has twin brothers one has been married to his wife since I was a baby. I’ve always considered her my aunt and I’m actually closer to her than I am my uncle who is actually blood. My other uncle got married when I was a young teen. I don’t consider her my aunt. To me it feels weird. Also I don’t see her nearly as much so that might be why but I really don’t see her as close family at all. Maybe because she doesn’t see them often she doesn’t have that connection

Post # 25
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
majorairhead:  Are you close to your brother? I would expect him to be the one pushing for a closer relationship with your kids. 

My Fiance has a niece but he and his brother aren’t that close so we don’t see her very often. If I’m talking about her I always refer to her as FI’s niece because I don’t really have a relationship with her. 

Post # 26
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is it weird I’m dissapointed? I’m an only child and I always looked forward to when Brother-In-Law has a wife and kids because I’ve always wanted to be an aunt! But now to think whoever Brother-In-Law marries may not even encourage the kids to call me ‘aunt smurph’ is so disappointing! I’ve never really considered my uncles who are all only related my marriage to be any less family they aunts! 

ouch! I hope future SIL ( can I even call BIL’s future wife SIL or do I call her BIL’s wife?) thinks of me as family! 🙁 🙁 I’m spazzing way too early. 

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