(Closed) SIL doesn't consider my kids her niece/nephews …. wtf?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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majorairhead:  they call me by my first name. They call my Fi “Uncle X”

Post # 33
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

I now consider my fiances ieces and nephews my own, because i love them to pieces. At first i would refer to them as ____’s niece/ nephew when telling stories, and it was kind of odd to make the transitition. It’s odd that she was aorund when they were born though.. I think that changes things. Are there other cousins in the mix who she was not a partof the family for at birth?

Post # 34
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am an only child- so no siblings with children. My DH’s nieces and nephews are fine- but they don’t feel like mine. I prefer they call me by my first name, but they call me Aunt. I think if I had siblings with children it would seem more like they were “mine”.

Post # 35
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7398 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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majorairhead:  She sounds like a real peach. I consider ALL stepmoms nieces/nephews to be my cousins – even though we are not blood related and hardly see most of them. 

I will say though, I think a lot has to depend on age. My stepmom has 3 siblings, one lives locally to us. I consider her my “aunt”…I call her by just her first name but refer to her as my aunt. The other two, I don’t really consider an aunt/uncle because I have no connection with them. I was also 13 when my dad/stepmom got married so I wasn’t raised around them. 

Post # 36
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4168 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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majorairhead:  So, I will try to say this in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a total asshole, but my FI’s two brothers each have young kids (with one on the way). Fiance isn’t particularly close with his oldest brother, so I’ve only met the one nephew four times since he was born three years ago. Their other son was born in October and I’m not even sure when I’ll even see him. I don’t consider them my nephews. FI’s brother has never once made an effort to call me “Aunt _____” and I just feel no emotional attachment to them. FI’s other brother is expecting a baby next month. He’s super close with this brother but the wife is a nightmare and there has been a lot of tension because his wife doesn’t like his family, never comes around to see anyone, and I haven’t even seen her since she got pregnant! I haven’t seen her in a year…so I’m not sure I’m going to see that baby, either. Again…I don’t feel excited or any other particular emotion for that child. Perhaps it will be different when she’s born and I do get to see her…but still. I don’t know if I’ll be an “aunt” to her, either. However, when MY siblings have kids I know it’s going to be a whole different ballgame. I will 100% be their “aunt” in every sense of the word. Sorry if I sound like a total asshole, but that’s just kind of how I feel. 

Post # 37
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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Inmara: actually, the in-law part literally indicates that the familial relationship is tied to legal martial status. 

Post # 38
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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majorairhead:  Does she have siblings with children? Maybe it’s like “not the other nieces and nephews I talked about.”

I’m not sure how I’ll phrase that type of thing yet. I already had 5 of them and now that we are married, I have 7!

Post # 39
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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MrsMeowton: if feeling that way makes you an asshole, put my pea in that pod. 

Post # 40
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

if you’re not mexican, and i’m assuming you aren’t, maybe she’s just nervous because of a cultural difference. maybe she doesn’t know she’s being offensive. maybe since she’s family you should give her the benefit of the doubt. 

Post # 42
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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majorairhead:  you said “Oh and oddly enough she does refer to her kids as my nephews … ?….”

are her children not your brother’s kids? Because if they aren’t his kids and she calls them your nephews that’s a bit odd.

Post # 43
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I honestly think it’s a family thing. I will say that I have more of a bond to my sister’s kiss than I do too DH’s niece and nephew. But that could be for multiple reasons. One being DH’s sister and her family live 15 hours away, so we only see them a couple times a year. I still consider them my niece and nephew though and I love them dearly.

Post # 44
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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majorairhead:  Technically speaking, your neices and nephews are the children of your siblings, his are the children of his siblings.  My mum always refers to her siblings kids as her neices/nephew, and my dad’s siblings kids as his neices/nephews.  I think she does it when talking to other people to show the lineage… (which side of the family the children are from.)  She’s very close to some on both sides, so its not for a lack of relationship or closeness.  

We call everyone Aunt and Uncle (even people who aren’t actually related, like close friends of my parents.)  My FIs family calls all their aunts/uncles by their first name, but refer to me as ‘the new aunt’ (as in, you can go visit with your uncle and new aunt! Or they’ll say to the baby “How about you go sit with your auntie.”  When they’re handing her over.)   It’s cool.  I don’t have a problem with the first name thing.  The title doesn’t make the relationship, IMO.  Our kids will call them by their first names and my sister Aunt X.  

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