- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 1995
That said, I don’t think you should take offense to how she sees your kids, it may be a cultural or even a personal view she’s entitled to hold. Personally, I view my BIL’s kids as my niece and nephew and they call me aunt, maybe your SIL doesnt see things that way.
majorairhead: Maybe she doesn’t feel tht she has earned that title? It doesn’t sound like she is that close with your children. If she was very close with her family maybe it feels weird to call kids she doesn’t know very well her nieces and nephews? Like she hasn’t earned it? I don’t think she means to be offensive.
My situation: when DH and I married his brother and sister each had kids. Two girls over 18 and one in high school. Shortly after we married his brother and brother’s girlfirend had a little boy. A year and a half later my brother and my Future Sister-In-Law had a little boy. (I’m 32, DH is the baby of his family) DH and I dated for approx. 5 years before we married.
TBH, until recently I’ve always felt awkward calling my nieces and nephew on DH’s side my nieces and nephew. With my nieces, I’m equally close in age to them as I am DH’s siblings. It took awhile for me to feel like I was close enough to the to deserve the title. Even my my nephew, DH’s brother’s son, who I’ve been an Aunt to his whole life, I felt this way with, since we only see him 2-3 times a year. I never held him much as a baby becuase my Mother-In-Law, SIL and my nieces were crazy for him, I though they should have priority of his time over me.
The closer I’ve gotten to my nieces, the more and more I refer to them as my nieces without thought. I’ve only been comfortable with it the last 6 months or so. Calling DH’s brother’s son my nephew still feels awkward, but I’m sure I’ll feel that way with him too, when he gets bigger and can interact with me without shying away. I honestly still don’t know Brother-In-Law and SIL that well. DH”s family is very quiet and reserved compared to mine. This may be why it felt awkward for awhile too.
With my brother’s son, I instantly felt like his Aunt. I was in the room when he was trying to be born, helped my brother and Future Sister-In-Law care for him that first night in the hospital when she had a c-section. The relationship was instantaneous. My brother and I are very close as our mom was killed and we had to wade thorough that mess together. My brothers, Future Sister-In-Law and DH I feel are my immediate family, as I have a strained relationshp with my father. I was the first one my brother and Future Sister-In-Law told when they found out, and the one my brother called with worries and excitement through the pregnancy. I think how close we are has something to do with how I feel about my brother’s son.
Another perspective: I also have an Aunt by marriage that I still refer to as my Aunt, even though she and my dad’s brother divorced over 15 years ago. That uncle has a new wife who I’ve rarly met, as since they married shortly after the divorce he rarely comes around the family. I have a hard time calling this new woman my Aunt. The one who I had a relationship growing up with- she is my Aunt, divorce or no. I also consider my mom’s best friend and her husband my Aunt and Uncle.
Unless you’re a genealogist, who cares?
calling a child “niece ” or “nephew” does not guarantee a close relationship, and calling a child “my partner’s nephew” doesn’t prevent a close relationship. nit picking the name is just looking for an excuse to feel slighted.
This is weird to me. My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years and I consider his brother; my brother. We have a 3 year old daughter and she adores her uncle. He’s one of her favorite people in the whole world, and he does so much for her and spoils her rotten. He has a baby boy on the way (in june) and I would never not refer to the baby as my nephew. I’m going to treat him and do for him the same way my brother does for my daughter.
My husband has a couple nieces that were older when we got married, so they don’t call me auntie. He has a nephew I’ve known since birth, but I don’t see him often. When he talks more, maybe he’ll call me auntie. My nieces and nephews refer to my husband as uncle. But I refer to his nieces and nephew as his and he refers to my nieces and nephews as mine when talking about them to others. Nothing personal. I’ve never thought to do it differently. Just a way to show who is related to who I guess. Just like I call his sister my sister in law instead of sister.
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