(Closed) SIL doesn't consider my kids her niece/nephews …. wtf?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
4501 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

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Aqualov:  I agree totally about the depth of relationship thing, and thanks for not being judgy. It is not like I don’t care about the children and their welfare, but they aren’t ‘mine’. 

 

Post # 63
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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majorairhead:  She refers to them that way so she can differetiate that they’re not her siblings kids but her husband’s siblings kids.  She probably has referred to them as her niece and nephew and someone probably said “Which of your brothers and sisters kids are those?” and she got tired of explaining. 

Post # 65
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ummmmm….I’m just finding out that this could even be possible! I grew up thinking the way you did OP. My DH’s nieces are now my nieces, and vice versa. Also, I don’t think this is a Mexican family thing, I think it’s a your lovely SIL thing. 

Post # 66
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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majorairhead:  I meant when you’re NOT all together and she is talking about your kids with other people who are NOT part of the family or are not there when you’re all together. 

For example, my friend will say “Joe’s niece, Amy” so they know that it’s a kid from his side of the family and not her side of the family.  Saves me (and friends) saying “Which of your brother’s has an Amy?” or “Did one of your brothers have another kid?”.

Post # 68
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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majorairhead:  ok … I didn’t realize she was doing this around people who knew the relationships between her and your children.  Maybe it’s just the way she was raised and what is familiar to her?  Why not ask her?

Post # 69
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

I can relate to you. My grandma got remarried when I was in high school and her husband (my step grandpa) calls me his wife’s grand daughter and I gotta tell you, that hurts a little bit. i consider him my step grandpa because it’s approperate. 

Post # 70
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I had honestly never really thought about this. I do not consider my BIL’s children my niece and nephew. There is absolutely no blood relation there. When referring to them to others, I have always said BIL’s children (using his name or his and her name). My children would be BIL’s niece and nephews (blood relation), but not his wife’s. 

The terms Aunt and Uncle are somewhat different, because they have commonly been used to express a close family-like relationship, even when a person is not family. My mum had a close male friend who we referred to as “Uncle”. Plus, it is harder to explain relations by blood or by marriage to a child, so the universal terms of Aunt and Uncle are just easier. I have always referred to Brother-In-Law and his wife to our children as Uncle and Aunt. Given that BIL’s wife has always been distant with us, I do not know how she refers to us to her children. 

Post # 71
Member
15135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I call my SIL (husbands sisters) kids, hubands nieces too. Theres no blood relation to me, so techincally they aren’t my neice/newphew since if I were not married to DH, I would be nothing to them.   And It just clarifies who’s side of the family tree the kids are actually on.  

Same goes for spouses of SIL or Brother-In-Law.  Would my SIL’s husband be my BIL?  No, not really, they are my SIL’s husband, or my husbands Brother-In-Law.

Post # 72
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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majorairhead:  I definitely think that’s weird….but it’s possible she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it. A lot of times I hear people say stuff like that in conversation (like “my husband’s sister” rather than SIL or “my husband’s cousin” even though they’re technically your cousins now too) just out of clarification and to avoid confusion, especially when there’s a big family involved.

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