(Closed) SIL DRAMA! Help, please!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@sheltervet:  you’ll have to explain exactly what she does wrong. right now you are coming off badly.

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@subtlebee:  Agreed. What I got from your post, OP, is that she wants to be friends but you hate her and her existence and the fact that she’s pregnant, all this despite living far away and not knowing each other well, and also you think her marriage isn’t going to work out and her mom and brother agree. Based on this….you are not the one I’d really feel sorry for or like they need advice.

I’m sure there’s more to the story, but we only know what you tell us…and what you have told us leaves me feeling bad for your SIL.

Post # 6
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@sheltervet:  Try to accept her at face value. Maybe she has personal reasons for seeking the spotlight and genuinly want yall to be good friends. from what you’ve said you should probably try to be her friend.

Or at least try to get along with his family for his sake. Even if you don’t think youll ever be friends, stop taylor swifting the situation and give it a chance.

Post # 7
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hard to give advice when you won’t give details.

Post # 8
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My secret trick is not to do Christmas with families.

ETA I do not have trouble with my DH’s sister. I do with my brother’s wife, but there’s no way I’d let that keep me from being anywhere I want to be.

I guess there’s two conflicting pieces of advice in there, hahaha.

Post # 11
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@sheltervet:  I wouldnt fake it so much as open yourself up to the possibility. Some of my best friends are people that I  (a) hated initially, (b) are nothing like me, and oddly (c) used to date my brother. Unless she has done something horrid other than be annoying I say for the sake of your future family, try to get along (in the least) and be friends (if you can).

Your future children will appreciate you effort. Cousins are the best.

Post # 12
Member
2753 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the drama will continue after you’re married. Especially if it’s personality-related and not caused by wedding issues. I have a feeling that you already knew this though. I think there’s a middle ground between becoming bosom buddies and creating a nuclear situation of actively preventing her efforts. Since she lives far away, I’m assuming the relationship would be mostly phone and internet based anyway, and really that’s not too much of a sacrifice. I mean if she’s demanding hours of your time everyday, it’s easy to GENTLY say that you don’t have the free time for that blah blah blah. For the greater good, it’s wise to do what you can to maintain a relationship.

Post # 13
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d consider her in the same catagory as an unpleasant coworker- aggravating, hard to be around, but you still have to be polite and courteous.  I’d talk to your Fiance and let him know you aren’t super comfortable around Future Sister-In-Law, and ask if he can help keep things going smoothly (like joining you if Future Sister-In-Law gets you in a conversation with just the two of you etc) when you have to be at the same event like Christmas.  Other then that I’d do my best to enjoy the rest of the family and avoid Future Sister-In-Law if possible.

Post # 14
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sheltervet:  Nevermind, PM me if you want to chat 🙂

Post # 15
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble

I’m expecting it from FH’s middle sister. The day I met her, was T’giving, and my son was with us.

First, she called my son FH’s “kinda stand in kid”. Which pissed us both off, b/c even tho my XSO and I don’t get along, he is an AWESOME father. Also, b/c Fh isn’t able to have much contact with his son, b/c of a crazy XW.

Then, my son got a tummy ache from eating and threw up on his plate(unbeknownst to me, Xh had let him have a TON of candy, even tho he told me he didn’t actually have a meal! asshole.). Like me, he’s SUPER self conscious about this kinda stuff, and while Fh and his dad/SM kindly turned their heads while I handled it, Future Sister-In-Law made her pathetic attempt to whisper loudly to Future Father-In-Law, “omg, he’s throwing up, oh no look at that”, and of COURSE my son, who’s doing “ok” handling our little issue(as in, being calm, breathing etc-I’ve lost friends due to asphyxiation(sp?! wow), so this freaks me out), anyhow, he heard her, and immediately starts crying, bc he feels like he’s been “caught” doing wrong, and now has attention on him.

After I made sure he could safely walk, we went and cleaned him up. While doing so, Fh goes out to smoke, and Future Sister-In-Law goes out and says I force fed my son, and how he’s making a mistake, and she really wants him to think it through especially if he plans on having more kids.

Unfortunately, now that she’s living back home, we don’t visit often. Not many in the family(including her dad), really want much to do with her. she’s a drama queen, who will lie and front, and then blame everyone else, all while ruining granny’s credit with a $25k truck…yep, she’s a weiner lol…

So, I understand. She’s gonna be pissed when she figures out her invite doesn’t say +1, and that pretty much the entire family is hoping she doesn’t show up, and that if she does, she doesn’t bring the doped up deadbeat she’s apparently back with. that’s a topic I won’t touch. But, I’m bad when it comes to my son. So, if she mentions him again, I’ll throw it in her face that at least when it comes to “Daddy’s”, my son has one who GAF about him, and sees him as more than a trophy.

Post # 16
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@sheltervet:  i hate to get all religion-y but maybe you should be Christ-like towards her and if she want to be peaceful towards you and accept you into her family. 

If she starts causing a ruckus, distance yourself.

But I will tell you a story (if you wish to hear it)

My SO’s sis didn’t like me at all when we first met because no girl was good enough for  her brother. Eventually my SO had to tell her to lay off and that I wasn’t going anywhere. It hurt my feelings that she didn’t accept me when all I was trying to do was be nice. So please don’t be a C-word to your SIL if you can help it. 

If she is being nice to you. please be nice to her

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