(Closed) SIL DRAMA…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m so sorry 🙁  I agree with your Fiance on this one, as hard as it is, let it go and move on with your lives. I honestly don’t think there’s anything you could say to her right now that is going to drastically change how she treats you. If nothing else, trying to talk with her right now will probably only lead to her verbally abusing you more than she already has. It sounds like she has some personal issues that she needs to work through, and things probably won’t change until she has made some progress. I do believe that people can change, but not until they’re ready. Sounds like she’s not ready yet, and a relationship with her right now will only lead to more heartache for you. Unfortunately, we can’t change who we are blood related to. Focus on the people that you choose as your family, even if they aren’t related. I’m sure that they love you and want only good things for you and your Fiance. Try to surround yourself with these people instead.

I’m even more sorry to hear about your father. I’m sure he’s been a wonderful dad to you. Please don’t give any value to what your Future Sister-In-Law said. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs.

Post # 4
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

First off im so sorry to hear about your father. 🙁

I can relate to you in so many ways with the whole SIL drama. I wont go into details but let’s just say, i know Im not her favorite person and neither is Fiance or our kids. I really think theres only so much you can do/take from people who are suppose to be your family and from the sound of it you did nothing to deserve her rudeness. I also agree that you should let it go and move on with your lives. To me it sounds more like bitterness towards you and your families for doing well and childishness from her because her relationship is in shambles. I say let her be the miserable one!

Post # 5
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m sorry about your father, and that someone could be so unkind to you during a very emotional time in your life.

She sounds like a self-absorbed, bitter and all around nasty person.  That probably doesn’t make what she said hurt any less, but at least you can assure yourself that it has nothing at all to do with you.

Agree with your Fiance that the healthiest thing to do for your family is keep your distance from her and carry on as though she doesn’t exist.  You have your Fiance, your son and your own sibling who love and support you.  No need to waste precious time or feeling worrying over a person who seems bent on making everyone else as miserable as she is.

(Hugs) and good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I am so sorry that your Future Sister-In-Law was so awful to you.  I am also very sorry about your father’s health and wish him the best of luck. 

Since your Fiance does not seem to have a good relationship with his sister it seems unncessary for the health of your marriage to mend your relationship with her.  She sounds like a very unhappy person who is trying to deal by making those around her equally as miserable as she is.  It appears she has drawn her line in the sand (not attending the wedding, the hurtful comments, etc.), as if to challenge you to try and do something about it.  Do not let her take any more pleasure in hurting by trying to mend this relationship.  She is just looking for a punching bag so to speak.  Someone to direct her hatred and anger towards.  Also, you mentioned that you have a son…this is not a woman who your son deserves to grow up around.  Regardless of being his aunt, she is doing him a huge disservice by attacking his mother.  If I were you, I would try to distance yourself from this woman for the time being.  I would also thank my lucky stars that she is not attending the wedding for fear she may make a scene (which it seems like she has no problem doing).  If SIL is really meant to be in your lives, she will come to her senses and begin treating both you and Fi with the love and respect you deserve.

Stay strong!  Don’t let her get you down.  Enjoy your time with your father and your new marriage.  You deserve every happiness in this world!

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If her own brother has given up, I think it’s a pretty hopeless case.  I can understand that you feel bad for her, but until she changes you can’t help her.  Your response sounds good – I might just add to that, that you and Fiance as a family will be letting her be as she does not seem to appreciate your help, and if she changes her mind about you please let you know since you would be happy to resume a relationship in that case.  The exception I think is her kids – is there any way to keep up with them without her?  Keep babysitting them while avoiding as much contact as possible with her?  Cause they probably need a stable role model pretty badly, someone they can trust if they need help.  If you have to talk to her, I would just refuse to engage.  Change the subject, don’t respond, and she might eventually stop from boredom.  As long as you’re not actively mean back, and leave the door open for a reconciliation based on her good behavior, she might come to her senses someday and then she can ask for help with whatever’s wrong with her.  Obviously something must be wrong – her poor kids.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Wow. She actually said that she hopes the marriage fails and you lose custody of your son? No sane person says that about anybody, unless they’re like an axe-murderer or something (and I’m guessing you’re not!). She sounds mentally unbalanced. I would stay as far away from her as possible. She sounds so full of rage that she might even try to hurt you. I would stop doing things for her and just stay the heck away.

Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i am so sorry about your father. =(

 

now if her own brother doesnthave a relationship w her, you both need to cut all ties. she is unhealthy for anyone to be around. my Future Sister-In-Law is psychotic too. she is like in love w my FH and has this warped idea in her head that they are the bestest friends ever! its pretty sad actually cause FH NEVER talks to her. ever. she doesnt like her other brothers wife at all and i know that will be me shortly. one time we got in a huge fight and she called me every bad name you could think of, so of course FH stopped talking to her, so she threatened to kill herself and asked my FH “how does it feel to know you killed your baby sister” and THAT is where we both stopped caring about her. shes poison. we were always there for her for years and now, thats been done for over a year and our lives are sooooooooooo SOOOOOOOOOOO much better! i really think you guys need to cut ties. she might be family, but sometimes family isnt everything.

Post # 11
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

are your FI’s parents in the picture? Do they like you? If so I might show them this letter after cutting her out of your life and just mention that you’re worried about her mental health… normal people don’t do things like that.

Post # 12
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I mean to show them so that they can get her help, btw. should have been more clear, sorry!

Post # 14
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

PRO.  If it’s between “bad” family and no family, no family wins every time!

Post # 16
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Spend as much time with your father as your can and create many happy memories with him and your Fiance.

I agree with your Fiance and say to let it go and move on, mulling it over will only drive you crazy.  Since they don’t have a close relationship either, you woulnt be forced to have to speak/mend bridges and etc.

As for SIL stories?  My FI’s sister is a certifiable nutjob.  the Fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years.  The 2nd year into our relationship, he brought me home to meet his family, and everything was smooth, the Future In-Laws love me and everything was ‘peachy-keen’.  Next thing I know, I find out my Future Sister-In-Law has been calling me a b*tch, fat, ugly, unattractive and obnoxious. That her brother ‘could do so much better’ and how she’ll find a sweet, skinny and pretty girl to introduce him to.  so yeh, I hate her.  Totally. with every fiber of my being.  MY Future Mother-In-Law had asked her years ago why the Future Sister-In-Law and I dont go out together, and the Future Sister-In-Law told her mom that I’m always too busy and I don’t have time.  WHAT?? She never even tried to call me!!  My Fiance and I have been engaged snce October 09.  Not one congratulatory word, doesnt even glance at my ring once, but tells the Fiance to ask her if he needs her help to plan our wedding.  if she asked ME, my response would be:  HELLO? are you STUPID?!  Why the %&^#%&$% would I want YOU to help ME plan MY wedding??? A relationship which YOU never approved of cuz I’M A FAT, UGLY and OBNOXIOUS BITCH. oh yeh, and apparently all my clothes should belong to YOU, cuz YOU would suppodedly wear them better.

but she will never hear this because I will never deign to speak with her.  EVER.

 

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