(Closed) SIL from hell… no really

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 4
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am not really sure what you CAN do, other than be there for him, encourage him to get some impartial support and counselling, ensure he PROMISES to make contact with your US equivalent of Lifeline if he has suicidal or self harming thoughts.

I am so sorry, I know what it is like to experience pain on behalf of a loved one. All you can do is love him, reinforce that being a good man has nothing to do with $$ in the bank, and be a soft place for him to fall.

Not much more to say, but want to send you a hug 🙁

Post # 6
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mrsc630:  so sorry you’re facing a tough situation. It sounds like you obviously care a great deal about him and your neice and nephew. I’m not sure there really is anything you can do at this point other than keep telling him you’re there for him and the kids should he decide to leave her. I hate to use a drug related metaphor in this situation but I can’t think of anything better. He hasn’t fully admitted that he has a problem yet. He’s not ready to accept help from anyone since he hasn’t hit bottom yet. Hope that makes sense. 

I hope your husband is able to be your rock for you since it sounds like you’ve been “parenting” everyone close to you in your life out of necessity, which is very admirable and honorable. Just make sure you take care of yourself too. 

Family stuff is tough.  Hope things work out for the best. 

Post # 7
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this – drug problems are TOUGH on everyone involved and unfortunately it’s something that you’re pretty much powerless over unless SIL wants to clean up herself and makes it happen.

I guess all you can do is be supportive to your brother and niece and nephew – maybe spend time with the kids when they visit. By The Way did you say your SIL has 4 other kids that have been taken away? Why were they removed from her? If she’s been unable to look after children before, your brother may have a good chance in getting custody if they should separate, but does he want to leave her? Do you think he’s mentally able to leave?

Post # 9
47 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sure is difficult to see close family members struggle. 

However, I share a different opinion of the situation after reading your post. Sorry in advance….you probably won’t like what I have to say.

You commented that you just want him to live a happy life. I don’t think you’re allowing him to do that though as it is not your job to tell him how messed up his life is and how terrible his wife is. Do you realize that you are in fact attacking him? It was his choice to give her control of the finances. It was his choice to marry her. It needs to be his choice now to correct that problem. It is not your job to police him on what he knows to do. You are not his parent, but rather a sibling and he is a grown man. 

I would suggest you stay out of his marriage. Apologize to him for few what you told him. You are entitled to your opinions of her, but you were out of line by telling him how abusive his relationship is and how you hate to see him so miserable. You commented how you wanted to make him be happy, but noone can do that for him. He has to do it for himself And I suspect he will when he is ready. All you can do is reassure him that you love him and will be there to help if he asks for it. He needs to learn how to be a man by himself and take care of his family. 

As for your feelings on his wife, I agree with you, but there are always two sides to a story. I’m sure shes a real douche, but I wonder why he ran away from your family to the other side of the country. He also knew what he was getting when he dated and then married a woman with 4 kids already that she didn’t have custody of. 


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