SIL from hell

posted 1 month ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

No, from hell is accurate. WTAF? That poor woman. It must be so hard to be a sociopath.

Post # 6
Member
4276 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

rosegoldlover :  meh. Just keep doing what you’re doing, don’t get sucked into the drama. You’re lucky that you didn’t have to go to her bachelorette party if her friends were making comments about your appearance and laughing about it. You don’t need those kinds of people in your life. Congrats on your engagement!

Post # 7
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Theses people sound awful! I can’t believe her friends would say such terible things, seems like awful people stick together! I’d just hold your head up have your wedding and live your life and don’t let anything she does rattle you. For sure wouldnt invite her to your bachelorette though! Imagine how awful it must be to be so competitive and insecure that you would get married or have a baby before you actually wanted to just to do it first. I’d for sure limit contact and keep doing what you are doing by not telling her anything. I don’t think there is anything wrong with mentioning that you wernt included if she brought up the wedding party and such. Stand up for yourself when necessary you arnt a whipping post but also ignore and do what you are doing.

Imagine saying, “what an incredibly rude thing to say.” When those girls were being terrible. Call out bad behavior!

Post # 8
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

She sounds like an asshole, Brother-In-Law sounds like an asshole. Her friends sound like assholes. It must reek of shit when they all get in a room together.

I’d keep ignoring her because clearly she’s in the midst of some kind of battle inside her own head. You don’t even need to engage with her.

Do not invite her to your bridal shower or your bachelorette – not because it’s a tit for tat thing but because she’s an asshole and you deserve to feel good at those gatherings rather than having to deal with the stench of shit in the air. If she says anything to you, I’d say “You’ve made it pretty clear that you have some kind of issue with me. I didn’t think you would want to attend. I figured you had better things to do.”

Happy planning and congratulations on your wedding!

Post # 9
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

You know she is toxic, your fiance knows she is toxic. So, keep doing what you are doing, just push the ball back any time she attacks you and disclose even less information. These kind of people don’t like it. They hate being accountable for what they do and often retreat and give you space after. There is no way it will be peace whatever you do, so don’t even worry about it. If it was me and she accused me of not being in bridal party, I’d say something like: “I’m surprised you even want to be included, after you and your friends were so rude to me at your wedding events”.

Post # 10
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

rosegoldlover :  I think you’re doing the right thing in politely keeping your distance and not giving her the information on your wedding and life in general. I do think you were far too generous in delaying your wedding date.

That being said, part of me would love to see her reaction if you were to wear a nice, tasteful, 2 carat moissanite ring (they are fairly affordable on ebay) to the next family gathering, and just let her wonder: she will no doubt notice.

Post # 11
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

Don’t play her games or get sucked into any of her drama. Choose not to participate in it. It can only be a competition if two people are involved so don’t get involved.

Include the people in your milestones that you care about and who are positive and you enjoy spending time with. Live the way that makes you and your fiance happy. She can stew in her own juices as she has given you absolutely no reason to include her.

I think you have been pretty darn polite considering how you have been treated. Keep doing what you are doing with limited info and keeping things private. Limit contact when possible. 

All the best for your wedding. Congrats!

Post # 12
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Fighting over money is super tacky. Eww. Anyway, you know this girl’s weak spots so go ahead and push on them all you like. But I think you should just keep her at a large distance and don’t tell her anything. If she asks you about something, say your not sure about it yet. Tell her you already have your bridesmaids picked out and keep her out as much as possible for your own sanity. Or you know, you could invite her to the rehearsal dinner and have a bridesmaid make a comment that she thought your SIL was so much older than you because she was obviously already married. If she asks why she’s not invited go ahead and say “We aren’t very close, and I want people who I’m close to around me for my special day”.

 

Post # 13
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

She has a lot of screws loose. I wouldn’t invite her to your bachlorette party, but your bridal shower well ya, I guess. And I agree with Mcbee don’t tell her anything. If she asks just tell her umm well were not sure yet. She obviously is very competitive and jealous. Just keep doing you and don’t worry about her and her hubby. You seem to be doing everything right. 

Post # 14
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee

The only way to get rid of someone trying to make things a competition is to stop participating. You’ve started doing that but you need to step back even further. You and your fiancé also need to start speaking up for yourselves every time SIL or BiL harass you or pout or complain about you two. 

– We are not in a competition with you so please stop. 

– We are not interested in this competition you two have started, your comments are not welcome.

– That doesn’t work for us

– We aren’t going to be discussing that

-Your negative comments weren’t asked for or wanted. 

Your husband needs to keep telling his brother to back off, and call out all attempts by them to compete. When his brother also got a bike, your brother should have responded to that by saying, our lives aren’t a competition and each time you try to make it one I’m going to take one more step back from our relationship. 

When SIL at family functions asks you for info just refuse to give it. When she asks why you can simply tell her that you are refusing to participate in the competition she is trying to keep going. See those two a lot less, anytime they go buy something or do something you just did and then come up to either of you to show it off I suggest you both reply, “ This is not a competition, I will not be acknowledging your behavior.” And walk away. You two have more control than you think. Even better would be if your finances parents could sit the two boys down and address the competition crap and tell them it ends now. 

Post # 15
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

rosegoldlover :  I am super petty. So I would start a rumour at your wedding before she can say anything. “Oh yes, they are trying to get pregnant! It’s a very exciting time for them!” and steal her thunder. Better yet – have a bridesmaid or someone else do it so she cannot hold it against you later! 

Your ‘from hell’ description is totally accurate. I’m sorry to have to deal with this nonesense. Just keep doing your best to limit the information train with her and if she complains that she is not in the wedding party – just respond with “well I wasnt incldued in yours so I didnt think it would be a problem not including you in mine.”

ladyjane123 :  +1 to all of this.

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