SIL from hell

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

rosegoldlover :  I would say brother & sister-in-law from hell. 

Like others have mentioned, just do you! Don’t allow their actions to dictate how you live your life!

Postponing your wedding was enough and actually, unecessary, but I totally understand that you wanted their wedding to be over so that you could keep your ideas for your own without them stealing any. 

 

Post # 17
Member
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper

rosegoldlover :  she sounds awful, but also I’d be pissed at my husband for putting up with that shit. If my husband’s brother had told him “hey brother and best man, can’t wait for you and the kid to come to the rehearsal dinner but your fiance/mother of your child has to stay home” my husband would not go to that rehearsal dinner out of respect for me. Your in laws suck but your husband enables it. 

Post # 18
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

LilliV :  Agree with this 100%. You have a fiance problem too at the moment. You and your future husband are a unit. If you are excluded by his family it is his JOB to speak up for you and tell them that isnt’ acceptable. When you were not included in the rehersal dinner but he was and your niece was? He should have said, my daughter and her mother are a package deal with me. You can’t exclude any one of us. His family, his job to stand up to them. And if he doesn’t start doing that, than this is how your entire life is going to look. 

His brother or SIL made comments about your ring to him? He should have said, your comments about our ring choice is inappropriate and mean. I am not going to discuss this with you. STOP. 

It isn’t hard to stand up for you. He should WANT to stand up for his family, and the moment he decided to marry you that is the moment his family now comes second to you and his daughter. 

You two should sit down and discuss how you are both going to handle disrespect going forward. Make a plan, then stick to it no matter how uncomfortable it is in the moment to say something. it will get easier. 

Also dont’ let anyone tell you SIL should be more involved in your wedding. IF she complains say, it is my wedding, that doesn’t work for us. or, she wasn’t obligated to have me in her wedding, and im not obligated to have her in mine period. 

Post # 20
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

rosegoldlover :  “Would it be too petty to bring up that if my fiancé and I, who have higher incomes than the both of them, can’t afford these new toys and show off items with the mortgage and a baby, that there’s no way if  they have a baby or get another house that they will be able to afford The lifestyle they are living or continue to buy the nice or big ticket items and would be more restricted financially than us,  and have to give up the vehicles that still have a loan payments ?”

Don’t do this. They are awful, but it’s not your place to point this out to them. It is petty and makes it look like you’re stooping to their level. Let them figure it out the hard way, and focus on your future with your FH.

Post # 22
Member
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper

rosegoldlover :  I’m confused – your fiance’s father died and left the house to both his sons? But Brother-In-Law lives in it? And your fiance got….what? Was he bought out? Does he collect any rent? It sounds like there is a whole host of problems with your fiance just letting his family walk all over him. He needs to grow up and stand up to his family. 

Post # 23
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

OP, lol, I think they’re laying out their own karma. If they are this immature, i doubt their marraige will be successful. Even if it is, if they’re buying carelessly, and they have a baby, and start racking up the bills, they may have to sell those bikes or toys and jump into reality.

I laughed when you said he was looking into being a landlord. No. The history he has had regarding his financial responsibility, indicates he’s pretty far from appreciating how to invest in a liability that could become an asset. 

Post # 24
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

She sounds like a total asshole who is jealous and wants to be you. You are doing the right thing by not telling her much 

Post # 25
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

So instead of responding to everyones advice about things you can do to shut down their competition conversations and ways, or the advice about you and your fiance needing to stand up for yourself to his family you decided to come back on here and give us another long story about how awful they are. 

So basically you just want to complain and not change anything. Got it. 

Post # 26
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

That’s what I was thinking… then I thought, if Darling Husband is on the title and wants to be really petty, he should tell the brother he wants to sell the house and split the profit due to Darling Husband growing family…. then let’s see if they can afford all their shit. LilliV :  

Post # 27
Member
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Shoot4theMoon :  yea if my brother had treated my SO the way this Brother-In-Law and his wife are treating OP I would force a sale for sure. Either take the cash and run or buy him out and keep a nice little rental property for my own portfolio. But brother just living in the house because he wants to would not fly. 

Post # 28
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Banning you from events is a finance problem. It was pretty thoughtless of him to take your daughter to a rehearsal dinner to which you were specifically uninvited. Shame on him for kowtowing to his family. You need to explain to him the meaning of a united front, because he clearly doesn’t get it.

As far as a place in your wedding, you can continue the feud and tell SIL that you didn’t have a place at her wedding, why would she have or want a place at yours? Or you can decide not to continue the feud and nominally invite her to be in the bridal party but exclude her from any of the pre wedding events including dress shopping.

Post # 30
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

rosegoldlover :  It’s probably best he declined since 7K is likely way less than the house is worth. Do you have any recourse? Can your fiance rent out his half of the house? It may be worth talking to a lawyer. Also, can you qualify for special financing now if you were to be able to sell?

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