(Closed) SIL is an addict – Don't know what to do (sorry, long)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@UndercoverBuzzer:  PHew. That is quite the conundrum. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. From experience, dealing with addicts (especially ones that are family members) is a very emotionally difficult situation.

My advice? Would be not to get to close to the situation. It doesn’t sound like your SIL is ready to take her situation seriously. It sounds like she has some serious trust to win back from her  family. I’d be there for her to talk to, but try not to get too emotionally involved. Let her show eveyrone that she’s ready to be an adult – by getting a job or by showing that she’s going to choose her children over some random guy.

Good luck…

Post # 4
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I totally agree. I’m the daughter of addicts, and I know that until they are ready to take it seriously and want it, recovery won’t work. It doesn’t sound like your SIL is ready to let go of her addiction yet. She moved back in with someone who she once partied with, is resistant for help, and she’s not making a huge effort to be around her sons. I know it’s hard to accept, but she has to want the help, and right now it doesn’t sound like she wants it.

Unfortunately there isn’t anything you can do, it’s all her.

Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

As the daughter of an addict, I can tell you that she won’t change until she is really ready. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize you need help to pull yourself out.

Post # 6
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

As the sister of a newly recovered heroin addict (9 months!!!!) you can do nothing beyond what you have offered. 

The best you can do is help the kids. They are the innocent victems in this. Maybe take them for a weekend and bring them to the zoo. Buy them school clothes etc. They need the love SIL would have taken your offer up for help if she wanted it. You can not force it.

Post # 7
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS )) because I feel for you…

I was married to an Addict (alcoholic) for over 20 Years, so I know the frustration of which you speak.

Sadly there really is NOTHING you can do for the addict… the addiction is all about them, they are the one who have to make the change

That said, doesn’t mean there is NOTHING that you can do to find INNER PEACE with this situation

I suggest that you get some counselling… a good place to start is by going to an Al-Anon Meeting… it will answer a lot of Questions for you about the behaviour of the addict, and how you can learn to deal with it (and the consequences from “the wake of destruction” that they leave in their path).  Beyond that (or leading from it) you might want to also find therapist or family counsellor who can help you cope specifically with the issues you are faced with (there are both support groups for family memebers of those with addictions like Al-Anon, but also Counsellors who specialize in this type of issue / family services

Hope this helps,

 

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