Post # 1
I know this was likely my fault and I could have avoided it but now I’m stuck. I am having an indian wedding and my outfit is not very loud. We went shopping and my SIL picked up two outfits one that was very blinged out and one that was not so much. She did ask which one I liked better, and i said honestly to her that they both looked nice. Whereas inside I was thinking that that one outfit was so blingy she looked like a bride. I made a comment saying you will outshine the bride and she still picked that one. The whole top is covered with bling. I was kind of disappointed and felt that she should have picked the more subtle one. I told my fiance when I got home, who get upset and said I should have said something then. I made a mistake and I guess I didnt want her to really know what I felt. He saw the outfit she got and said that the work was cheap and a little tacky but still I feel that she wants to stand out more than me. She cant exchange or return it now. I regret not telling her to get the other one. Am I over-reacting? Shes been pretty jealous this whole time, from when I got engaged to when I go on vacation to my clothes etc. I dont participate in her “games” but I feel that since it’s my wedding day she should be not trying to outshine me, especially after I made that comment. I’m kind of afraid to talk to her about it b/c I know how she is and will get upset, especially after spending $ (although it wasn’t too expensive considering) and I feel it may ruin what we have (when she’s not acting weird). I’ve been told I am too nice and let ppl do what they want instead of saying what I want, I wish I said something then. How should I get over this?
Post # 3
@unhappybride: You need to say something before it gets worse. Future Sister-In-Law has always had jealousy-type problems with me and I kept ignoring it hoping it would go away. The last straw was when she and her now fiance announced their engagement. At my engagement party. I was fuming..
Post # 4
As far as her outfit, what’s done is done. I think you should just resolve to speak up in the future. Practice with your Fiance or in front of a mirror. It can really help with being assertive.
Post # 5
My honest opinion is to go with your gut. If you think you’ll just get over it after some time (you probably wong get over it till at least after your wedding) I think you should keep your mouth shut. If your gut tells you that you will always be hurt by this I think you should talk to her.
Here’s the thing what do you expect to happen (if you decide to talk to her) after you talk to her. I don’t think you should bottle up your feelings if they’ll just get worse. It’s not fair for her to buy a new dress after she asked you and you didn’t tell her how you felt in the begining. She probably didn’t hear you make that comment, thought you were joking, or it didn’t even hit her how much she really would outshine you and you cared so much. I’m not saying she isn’t out to get you because I don’t know her. If she is out to get to you talking to her might make things worse. Some in laws start whining to the rest of the in laws and that doesn’t normally end well.
Personally if my sister got married, I asked her which dress she’d rather I wear, and she didn’t care. If I picked the one she didn’t want me to wear and tells me after I can’t return it I’d probably give her three options; deal with it, be okay with me wearing a dress I already own, or buy me a new one herself. I love my sister and I don’t care what I wear but I’d be upset with wasting money that she could have kept me from wasting.
Post # 6
It was nice of her to ask you so if you did not speak up you can not go back and tell her to change her dress now.
Post # 7
Could you tell her how you feel and offer to buy her a new one?
Post # 8
@unhappybride: If I were you, I wouldn’t say anything at this point. Its just not worth the drama and long term ill-will.
You are the bride. Its your wedding. Regardless of what she wears she will not outshine you or take the focus off you.
I confess I don’t know much about Indian weddings or how people dress to attend them but if you chose a simple dress in a quiet color, isn’t it possible other women will wear brighter colors too?
Of course another option is to get another dress for yourself that puts hers to shame! But, if you love the dress you already have, then wear it and be happy. If what she chose is inappropriate for the occasion, then she will only draw negative attention to herself.
Post # 9
You know this was ‘likely’ your fault? She asked you which dress she should pick and you told her you didn’t mind even though you apparently mind a great deal. It’s not likely your fault it’s completely your fault.
Your only reasonable options are to put up with her wearing a sparkly dress, or offer to buy her a new one. I don’t really see what other advice you want?