(Closed) SIL issues, what should I do?

posted 5 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@unhappybride:  You need to say something before it gets worse. Future Sister-In-Law has always had jealousy-type problems with me and I kept ignoring it hoping it would go away. The last straw was when she and her now fiance announced their engagement. At my engagement party. I was fuming..

Post # 4
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

As far as her outfit, what’s done is done. I think you should just resolve to speak up in the future. Practice with your Fiance or in front of a mirror. It can really help with being assertive.

Post # 5
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

My honest opinion is to go with your gut.  If you think you’ll just get over it after some time (you probably wong get over it till at least after your wedding) I think you should keep your mouth shut.  If your gut tells you that you will always be hurt by this I think you should talk to her.

Here’s the thing what do you expect to happen (if you decide to talk to her) after you talk to her.  I don’t think you should bottle up your feelings if they’ll just get worse.  It’s not fair for her to buy a new dress after she asked you and you didn’t tell her how you felt in the begining.  She probably didn’t hear you make that comment, thought you were joking, or it didn’t even hit her how much she really would outshine you and you cared so much.  I’m not saying she isn’t out to get you because I don’t know her.  If she is out to get to you talking to her might make things worse.  Some in laws start whining to the rest of the in laws and that doesn’t normally end well.

Personally if my sister got married, I asked her which dress she’d rather I wear, and she didn’t care. If I picked the one she didn’t want me to wear and tells me after I can’t return it I’d probably give her three options; deal with it, be okay with me wearing a dress I already own, or buy me a new one herself.  I love my sister and I don’t care what I wear but I’d be upset with wasting money that she could have kept me from wasting.

Post # 6
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It was nice of her to ask you so if you did not speak up you can not go back and tell her to change her dress now.

Post # 7
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Could you tell her how you feel and offer to buy her a new one?

Post # 8
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@unhappybride:  If I were you, I wouldn’t say anything at this point.  Its just not worth the drama and long term ill-will. 

You are the bride.  Its your wedding.  Regardless of what she wears she will not outshine you or take the focus off you. 

I confess I don’t know much about Indian weddings or how people dress to attend them but if you chose a simple dress in a quiet color, isn’t it possible other women will wear brighter colors too? 

Of course another option is to get another dress for yourself that puts hers to shame!  But, if you love the dress you already have, then wear it and be happy.  If what she chose is inappropriate for the occasion, then she will only draw negative attention to herself. 

Post # 9
273 posts
Helper bee

You know this was ‘likely’ your fault? She asked you which dress she should pick and you told her you didn’t mind even though you apparently mind a great deal. It’s not likely your fault it’s completely your fault.


Your only reasonable options are to put up with her wearing a sparkly dress, or offer to buy her a new one. I don’t really see what other advice you want?

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