(Closed) SIL really pissing me off (VENT) and advice

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 18
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

She is 23 and married with kids…and by the time she is 26 she will be divorced with two kids if she keeps this bullshit up. As if getting “knocked up” is an accomplishment! I mean yeah, most people want kids and it’s important, but it is also important to establish yourself first. So what has she done in those regards? Does she work? Have a college degree? How accomplished is she in her career? I would just counter like that or not even talk to someone as dumb as that. 

Post # 19
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You could try taking whatever she’s bragging about and turning it around on her as something negative. For example, if she’s bragging to you about how young she got married in comparison to you, you can say (very sympathetically and sweetly): “I know, I had sooo much more time to have adventures and experiences as a young single girl than you did! And my husband and I will have plenty of time to enjoy just being a young married couple without children, which you and brother-in-law missed out on. That must be hard for you… I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about it.”

Post # 20
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

Jijitattoo:  I LOVE the idea about acting concerned for the person and wondering out loud if they need help for their potential insecurity and anxiety. This is a great idea for how to handle someone who is being obnoxious and rude. You could apply this concept in soooo many situations other than what the OP has discussed. Its seriously genius haha. I love that you can pretend to be caring and concerned when really you are finding a way to make them embarrassed of their behavior. It also doesn’t give the SIL any reason to believe that her comments make the OP feel insecure, which is a response that she probably feeds off of to fuel her self esteem. Regardless, a comment like that might help the SIL see that pretending to be mature just makes people who are ACTUALLY mature think you are pathetic, rather than tricking them. Someone needs to teach her that. 

 

I’m totally stealing this tactic for future annoying people. 

 

OP, I also like the idea to be honest if SIL complains about you not spending time with her or whatever. I have also had to tell people straight up that THEIR behavior made me feel unloved/unappreciated, which in turn made me not want to spend time with them. It fixed the problem in one of two ways depending on the person- either they decided to change their behavior or they decided to leave me alone and completely dropped the relationship (which sometimes is an even better solution).

Post # 23
Member
6436 posts
Bee Keeper

MrsA44:  I’m your SILs age, well closer to 24, but that’s not the point, I’ve also had a daughter as well. But unlike your SIL I don’t use that a bragging right. It’s just how my cards fell. Wouldn’t change it for the world, I love my lfe, but would I fault someene else for being older when they got married? Of course not, that’s what worked for them. Your SIL is just being an immature person.

Post # 25
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

From her past and present behaviour she sounds like she’s going to be a brat, no matter what the circumstances. Particularly love the idea to tell her how boring the topic is, although she might pout a little!

Just gear yourself up for her harping on you with resentment in ten years for the same reason she’s boasting about now.

Post # 26
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

MrsA44:  She sounds immature for her age and life may kick her in the ass. But the attitude you’re taking lowers you. You don’t really know the relationship she has with your brother. If she is abusive, or they’re only together for the kid, that’s one thing, but you probably don’t know how they are alone. And any one with sense knows that 26 is not old so there is no argument to win. Don’t argue with dumb, don’t be mean to her, just ignore her comments. She doesn’t seem to have anything more important to do, but it seems like you don’t either. I understand; people get under my skin too, but I always feel petty and crappy when I worry about it…and, to be fair, a hostess job requires being on your feet all day and could be tiring to a pregnant woman.

Post # 28
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee

Perhaps it’s time to let her know that while you desperately wished you could have gotten married a whopping three years earlier and started in on the baby-making and all that, you simply felt it was far more important for you and your fiance to concentrate on the finer details…like a firmly established career that allows the purchase of a ring (or a house) with one’s own funds instead of riding a parent’s coattails. Or having the thrill of actually experiencing a man asking you to marry him rather than painting him into a corner and “making it happen.” Orrrr…enjoying travel and alone time with one’s husband before children. But you say tomato, I say tomahto. 

Your other option is to just giggle. Because she is pretty funny. If she asks why you do this, just tell her you find her hillllarrrious! And then let her know you’ve got to go, planning a trip to Fiji. With no children in tow.

Post # 29
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017

You could get snappy and say something along the lines of some people like to make sure they’ve got their shit together before doing anything stupid, or tell her if that’s the only thing she’s proud to have done in her life, then maybe she needs a wake up call. 

Idk I don’t deal with people’s crap well and tend to confront those that irritate me. :/

Post # 30
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Well she’s obnoxious

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