(Closed) SIL wants to be a bridesmaid, but I don't want her in my wedding at all

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@mydeadfriendx:  Your wedding, your choice on who is your bridesmaid.

Same with your FH. If he wants your brother, then your brother will decide if he wants to be a groomsman. He shouldn’t require her permission to be in a wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I do not believe in obligatory BMs, groomsmen, etc. It’s YOUR freaking wedding for heaven’s sake! Why people let themselves get coerced into have attendants they do not want is way beyond me. Don’t let anyone bully you into having someone you do not want!

Post # 5
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

While I get the whole “your wedding do what you want” sometimes family dynamics don’t work that way. If it is going to cause a huge issue with your bro and family,  including her might be worth it. But if it will just make more drama then don’t. 

Post # 6
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mydeadfriendx:  Brother is closer to the couple than brother’s wife, so it’s perfectly fine for your fiance to have your brother as a groomsman without you having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. In my experience it’s pretty rare to have brother’s wife as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and you’re certainly not obliged to.

How old is their daughter? Flower girls under 4 are liable to not perform as expected (which some people are fine with), and in any case there’s no law saying you have to have a flower girl at all.

Post # 8
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@mydeadfriendx:  Maybe she can walk down with the flower girl?

I’m sorry.. but shit like that pisses me off. Slap some sense into your brother. He is his own person and her husband, not her child. 

Post # 9
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i like the idea of having her walk down with the flower girl (daughter)!! that was she’s still involved but isnt technically a bridesmaid

Post # 10
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@mydeadfriendx:  If your wedding is a ways away, I would just tell them you hadn’t decided on anything yet. When it comes down to it, just tell her you went with (some good friends, you wanted to keep it small, or if it’s big, you didn’t want it getting too big. Or you wanted her to focus on her flowergirl, etc.

It’s your wedding, don’t be bullied into who’s in the party. Besides, I don’t understand why people make SUCH a big deal out of if they are in someone’s wedding or not.

Post # 11
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mydeadfriendx:  18 months? Too young to be a flower girl. She might walk down the aisle with her mother – or she might get nervous and need to be carried (or worse, have a tantrum).

Were you a bridesmaid when your brother married?

Post # 12
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@rachie576:  Exactly! I mean.. why is it such a big deal? From what I’m getting here… OP and SIL aren’t exactly friends. I wouldn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for someone I’m not particularly crazy about..

Post # 13
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@mydeadfriendx:  Don’t! I think it would be different if she were your FI’s sister, but she’s not blood-related to you or your Fiance and doesn’t automatically get a spot just by virtue of being married to your brother.

 

ETA: If you’re going to make your niece a Flower Girl and your brother is supposed to be a Groomsmen, then she definitely needs to be able to take her daughter in case she has a total meltdown (aka not a bridesmaid).

Post # 15
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t do it. If that means your brother isn’t a groomsman, that’s his choice. (He doesn’t actually NEED her permission for anything, unless she keeps him on a leash.)

And 18 months is probably too young for a flower girl, unless you’re OK with her wandering off the wrong way or bursting into hysterical tears halfway down the aisle.

Post # 16
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mydeadfriendx:  Even if the little girl isn’t a flower girl, she needs a parent not in the bridal party to hold her. So I think an acceptable “excuse” is, “someone needs to mind your baby during the ceremony”.

Having been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her makes it a little awkward, but I think if your brother is a groomsman then “balances”. (I’m assuming in all this that your fiance actually wants him as a groomsman. If not, a possibility is asking your brother to do a reading instead).

The topic ‘SIL wants to be a bridesmaid, but I don't want her in my wedding at all’ is closed to new replies.

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