Post # 1
So, my sister-in-law and I have never been close. She’s always been competitive with me and finds ways to put me down nearly every time I see her. When I got engaged, she asked me point-blank if I was going to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I had to tell her no (I wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her much larger wedding). I’ve had a weird feeling she might try to upstage me or make herself the center of attention on my wedding day, and she seems to be trying to do just that.
Over the weekend she asked my mom if she could borrow the gown that my mom wore to her wedding to wear to mine. That gown is a) long and b) ivory. (SIL is from a country where it’s traditional for parents of the bride and groom to wear white or ivory to confuse evil spirits who might want to bring bad luck on the wedding couple.) My wedding is informal and no one is wearing a long dress besides me. SIL has been in this country for 15 years and has attended enough American weddings to know it’s inappropriate for her to dress like a bride at mine.
My mom told her she would not lend the dress (it wouldn’t fit her anyway — my SIL is 6 inches taller and 4 dress sizes larger than my mom although she says she’s been ‘starving herself’ to be thin for my wedding). Mom told her that long is too dressy and ivory is not appropriate, but I’m concerned SIL will just go out an buy herself a different ivory gown. What do I do?!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t worry about it. No one is going to confuse her for the bride and she isn’t going to upstage you. It’s not going to make you look bad it’s going to make her look back. And you’re guests will think poorly of HER not you.
Post # 4
Well, if your SIL is going to dress up like a bride, she’ll look INCREDIBLY foolish. If anything, she’ll get negative attention. Everyone will be commenting how tacky and rude she is. Then, they’ll forget all about it and move on with the night. It’ll reflect poorly on her. I’m glad your mom spoke up, though, and if you guys aren’t close, why is she even asking favors of your mom?! That’s ridiculous.
Could you have your Fiance mention to his mom that he thinks his sister may try to wear ivory? If you are on good terms with his mom, she can put a kabosh on that.
Post # 5
I agree with shaydenise everyone will be looking at her like she is CrAzY!
Post # 6
Oops…clarification: SIL is my brother’s wife (not on my FI’s side).
Post # 7
Are you close with you brother? I would probably recomend talking to him casually about this and just mention that it isn’t appropriate to wear ivory or white to someone else’s wedding in our culture.
Post # 8
I’ve actually been to a wedding where the MOB tried to upstage her own daughter by wearing a ridiculously ornate, bright red ballgown.
Moral of the story is, unfortuently this happens and I’m so sorry its happening to you! Try to get your Fiance and Mother-In-Law involved on your behalf, since its their moral duty not to let crazy family members interfer. But other than that, theres not much you can do to prevent her from showing up in ivory. If she does, don’t worry about it becuase no one will confuse her for the bride. Trust me 🙂
Post # 9
I say not to do anything about it. Your SIL will look like a complete idiot and her evil little plan will backfire royally on her! Aside from that, you will look absolutely stunning I’m sure and all the attention will be on you….any attention that is turned towards her will be negative attention for the foolish mistake she made.
Post # 11
I agree with others above, if she tries to be the center of attention and be the bride, everyone will think negatively of her as it is NOT her day and it’s wrong of her to think she can make it so.
Post # 12
There’s always one person who wears something ridiculous. My SIL (husband’s side) wore a one-shouldered long gown (not ivory mind you, but it had sparkles on it) to my afternoon wedding and was the only one besides me in a long gown. I didn’t even notice until I was looking back at pictures.
It will be fine no matter what happens. It sounds like she’s desparate to upstage you, but it’s just not possible on your wedding day when you are glowing (and she is fainting from starving herself into a dress).
Post # 13
Awww…thanks everyone. I was ballistic for about an hour yesterday, but I’ve relaxed and am pretty amused by the whole thing now. I think I might make an extra flowergirl basket, just in case. If SIL shows up in ivory, I’ll just hand her a basket and send her down the aisle as an overgrown flowergirl 😉
Fiance was joking that maybe she’ll just show up in the sequined tulle ballgown that she wore to her own wedding. Whatever. <–(new favorite wedding planning motto.)
Post # 14
Yikes. I agree that if she showes up in ivory, everyone is going to shake their head at what a desperate bid for attention her dress is. That being said, if you want someone to talk to her I’d recommend being super over the top sweet about it. Like, “Oh goodness I just had to talk to you and make sure you know that in the US no one is supposed to wear white or ivory except the bride. If a guest does, then people interpret that she disapproves of the wedding and is trying to take attention away from the bride! Can you believe it? Aren’t cultural differences fascinating? Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you knew, because I know that’s the last thing you’d want, and I’d just feel so guilty if you made that mistake and felt uncomfortable at my wedding because other people (who don’t know you like I do) misinterpreted your outfit.” After that conversation, there’s no way she could wear white or ivory without having basically told you to your face that she wants to steal the spotlight. And, by being so sweet about it, she can’t make it sound like you’re being a “bridezilla”, since all you’re trying to do is warn the poor dear 😉
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2010 - The Glen Manor House
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. SIL is being ridiculous. The extra flower girl basket is hilarious!
Post # 16
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Just ignore it – she is the one who will look absolutely ridiculous if she chooses to wear a long white gown!
Love the idea about the extra Flower Girl basket