SIL won't stop forcing our baby niece on us?

posted 2 years ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
682 posts
Busy bee

jannigirl :  Wow, so if she doesn’t hold and fawn over a kid, she’s going to get shunned from her family? That’s not melodramatic at all.

Post # 47
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t know, unless they taped that magnet to you or your fridge, “forced” sounds way too dramatic. And you certainly don’t have to sit on the floor and play with the baby, but holding her once by way of introduction is probably no biggie? 

amanda3334455 :  this!  I’m just as annoyed as anyone that I can’t have a complete conversation when kids are around, but it’s a necessary evil. I do have to be aware of them at all times until they’re old enough to take care of themselves.

Post # 48
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

bamabelle2017 :  Just take a breath and bite your tounge.  There is a new baby in the family.  People are excited.  It’s normal.

Post # 49
Member
997 posts
Busy bee

pearlrose :  And you don’t think epople constantly trying to force something on you that you repeatedly say no to is not rude? There should be understanding on both sides, especially if it’s close family like OP. 

Post # 50
Member
997 posts
Busy bee

jannigirl :  She doesn’t like holding small babies, how does that translate to hating children of all ages at all times? You are insinuating anyone who is CFBC hates children and that’s simply not true – some do, some don’t. Normal people have limits. That’s not a hard thing to ask of family.

Post # 51
Member
2579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If you don’t want to do something then be respectful and firm. It just sounds as though they’re excited. If you cannot successfully change the subject every now and then, just reduce the amount of exposure. 

Silly aside – I assume you’ve shown a little interest in the child? Given a nice card and/or gift? Picked it up and made a fuss? Perhaps they’re just insecure. With babies it’s usually anyone ever talks to you about, so they may be thrown if you’ve remained sane(!).

Post # 52
Member
8 posts
Newbee

To be honest, this is the culture we live in. You are only valid as a human once you are married and “settled” and heaven forbid you’re married with no kids. And then once you have the kids, they are the only concern. My advice is you are stuck. You can’t say anything because believe me your SIL would be so offended beyond repair. The conversation will always be about the kids (speaking from experience as I am childless) BUT now you know what you are getting into so you can take that swig of wine before dinner and talk about all the freedom you have not having a child!

Post # 53
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee

lalanono :  yeah, I was a little shocked at the hostility of many posters. 

OP, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with refusing to hold the baby just because they want or expect you to. I also don’t think it’s a sign of jealousy to expect people to adhere-granted a bit more loosely in this case- to a social norm that you pay attention to the person you’re conversing with. If the baby isn’t in trouble/need, not everyone needs to interrupt what they’re doing and give all their attention to the baby… a quick ‘aww’ is understandable, completely ignoring others you were engaging with is rude, in my estimation. 

If social gatherings are at the baby’s house, I’d be a bit more engaged because baby is practically a theme of the hosts. This would mean for me holding the baby to help out if they insisted to be a gracious guest. But if I were really uncomfortable, I’d help in other ways.

as for the magnets, I understand them taking a ton of pictures, but think it’s weird they would spend money on mangnets for others when they’re struggling financially. 

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