- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
Long story short, my future SIL does not like me and thinks her brother is making a mistake. They are extremely close and she has a sick child, so he has a hard time setting boundaries and saying no to her. I try very hard to just keep my distance and be kind/open-hearted. My wedding planning is going great and is very relaxed. Our wedding’s going to be a small not-too-fancy affair, in a garden, in June. I feel like I am so relaxed, and my SIL is being the “bridezilla.” Can I get some perspective??
SIL is my fiance’s “best woman.” Only our sisters are in our wedding party, so my sister is my matron of honor. SIL is causing a lot of anxiety around what she wears. At some point, I had a thought that she and my sister would wear something similar. I sent them a link to the J Crew bridesmaid dresses, where they could pick different dresses in the same color. SIL told FH it was a horrible idea, and that she’d considered the J Crew dresses for her wedding but didn’t like them. Fine.
Next, I thought because my FH will be wearing a gray suit in the wedding, it might be nice if SIL wore a gray dress – any one she liked. But she complained that “all of the gray dresses look like bridal gowns,” so she wouldn’t wear one. What? Fine.
Finally, I said that she really should just wear whatever she likes – a nice cocktail dress and preferably not black or white. My sister will be a few months post partum and also has free range on her outfit. I really just want everyone to be comfortable and happy! Just wear something pretty!
Ready? Now SIL is complaining that I haven’t “given her enough guidance.” She told her brother she’s worried I’ll hate whatever she wears and it will “ruin our relationship.” It’s this weird manipulative thing – somehow she makes it sound like I am so vain and controlling that her outfit carries this huge significance. It doesn’t. I really genuinely don’t care.
What am I supposed to do? My fiancé wants me to just pick a dress for her to wear. But I’ve tried that, and that upset her too. Am I missing something here??
Also, we invited her 4-year old to be a co-flower-girl with my 6-year-old niece. SIL said, “fine, but she won’t wear a dress.” This child wears dresses all the time – SIL is truly just protesting at any opportunity. Is it reasonable for me to buy the girls dresses, and invite SIL’s daughter to wear the dress and participate, or sit it out? There’s not really an alternative fancy outfit for a 4-year-old girl. I think part of the flower girl “duty” is wearing a cute dress, and if she won’t wear a dress than she doesn’t have to be in the wedding. Is that mean and out of line?
This woman makes me feel like I am in high school again. Please send help!