(Closed) SIL-zilla

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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bklynbride89 :  I’d be pretty fed up with Fiance.

List it out to him

– i suggested this dress, she bitched to you, i dropped it

– i suggested that dress, she bitched to you, I dropped it

– i told her to do what she wanted, and she even bitched about that.  You’ve gotta stop her, I can’t handle her and frankly she’s in YOUR side of the wedding party.  YOU pick her dress.

Your SIL is being terrible and bratty and if Fiance is going to let her do it at every turn, i’d let Fiance know that this is seriously hurting your relationship.


Post # 3
10513 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

She’s on his side of the wedding party, make him deal with this bullshit. If he had a best man he would pick out the suits, right? Well, he chose to have a best woman but it’s still his side. Tell him you are done with this, period. She can wear whatever she wants or he can tell her what to wear but it’s no longer your problem.

Post # 4
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

His side. His issue. You’ve given suggestions. Let him handle it. 

Post # 5
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Agreed that you should just pass responsibility over to your Fiance.  You’ve given her all the options you possibly could, so let him deal with it.

Post # 6
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would wash your hands of it, like PPs have said. 

As for the flower girl situation, I think it’s totally fair if you say no dress = no flower girl. Her declaring that the girl won’t wear a dress is like someone saying “I’ll be a bridesmaid, but I won’t wear the dress.” What’s the fucking point then? If you aren’t dressed up as part of the wedding party, then you’re just a guest. Obviously if the little girl hated dresses or something that would be an exception, but you said that’s not the case.

Post # 7
22 posts
  • Wedding: June 2018

Those kind of people are the WORST. 

“Where do you want to go to dinner”

Anywhere at all! I don’t care!

“Okay, lets go to ~Restaurant~”

Eh, I’m not really in the mood for sushi.

“Oh, okay. Let’s go to ~Other Restaurant~”

Could we actually go somewhere closer to my house?

THIS. IS. WHY. I. ASKED. YOU. Don’t say you “don’t care” when you really do. And if you aren’t willing to make any suggestions yourself, stop shitting on everything I come up with. 

It’s absurd she felt incapable of finding ANY gray dress she liked. If she needs some guidance I’d send her back in that direction. 

Post # 8
7807 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with PPs–his side, his problem. His ball, his court, wine for you. ; )


Post # 9
12 posts
  • Wedding: June 2018

Her dress is his problem.


For the flower girl though I’d be tempted to just give in – it’s not fair to a small child to say “you’re wearing the wrong thing so you can’t join in”. I totally get that it wouldn’t be your fault and your SIL should just put her in what you tell her to but trying to force the issue sounds like a recipe for an upset four year old – and she sounds manipulative enough to try to make that sound like your fault!

Post # 10
1671 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with PPs that your Fiance should handle this, but at the same time, I’d be kind of worried she’d show up in a white dress.

Post # 11
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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bklynbride89 :  Can the three of you go shopping together?  Would that make her feel some pressure to pick a dress and stick with it?  

Post # 12
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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bklynbride89 :  His side, he can pick the damn dress. As for flower girl deal, no dress no being a flower girl. That what I totally would do. 

Post # 13
10106 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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bklynbride89 :  

What an utter pain in the arse she sounds. I agree with pps it’s FI’s problem. Though, if  he is anything like my h.,  his eyes would show white like a  frightened horse at at the idea  of handling the problem alone. So I’d send him with the guidelines – written down or at least links  -the ones you have   already given more or less. ie a short ( or  long) plain coloured cocktail dress , not black or white .

As for her little girl,  yes I’d buy the dresses and I’d  actually give it to the child . And I;d have  my neice there too  receiving  hers   at the  same time  Chances are it  will all be little girls  jumping up and down  and squeaking with delight,   so SIL can do nothing.  

Post # 14
1242 posts
Bumble bee

I do not endorse 

View original reply
elderbee‘s plan to use her child to try to manipulate her…if the little girl doesn’t want to wear the dress she doesn’t need to be a flower girl, no big deal.

I agree with PPs on the SIL dress issue. You’ve been more than helpful. Kick it to your fiance. His side, his sister, his problem.  

Post # 15
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Personally, I’d tell my Fiance what I wanted her to wear, and have him tell her that he picked it. That way, you’re not involved so she can’t complain about what you asked her to do.

IHave your Fiance deal with her daughter being flower girl. He should tell her that if she’s not wearing a dress, or whatever the two of you want her to wear, she doesn’t have to be a flower girl in your wedding.

Agree with those who say your Fiance should be dealing with this as it’s his sister and his family. She sounds like a PITA!

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