Silent treatment/break? SO and I NOT talking to each other

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 17
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

beelinetowhere123 :  Based on your updates (I still didn’t look at your previous posts, sorry) I think you might have done something a bit out-of-line (turned to someone else for help) because of a serious irreperable communication breakdown between you and your SO. You can lead a horse to water, bee, but you can’t make it drink. Sometimes we think if we just SHOW people the light through a movie, or an article, or a happy couple that we know, they will see that they were wrong all along and change. This almost never works. If you are unhappy, it’s time to cut and run. You can’t game this relationship into being successful. Find someone who is on your emotional level and you will be much happier. 

Post # 18
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

beelinetowhere123 :  That is exactly what mutually not talking to each other means.

Post # 20
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Your relationship really doesn’t sound like it’s going anywhere. I don’t think him being ambushed by your friend is a good idea. It’s not right to be talking to a male colleague about your relationship problems. Is this even a relationship you want to try to save?? There is a point where it’s just not worth it anymore. If you do want to save this relationship, why do you? If it’s just because you’ve already put in a lot of time and you’re not getting any younger, that’s not a good reason. 

Post # 21
9694 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

beelinetowhere123 :  you say he can’t communicate, but he is communicating. He is saying nope. He isn’t saying it verbally, as you would prefer and your coworker seems inclined on. He is irresponsible perhaps and immature. But he is communicating.

So read his actions and move on. I know it hurts but you’re not helping yourself or him.

Post # 22
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

beelinetowhere123 :  I think you’ve heard the message that what confiding in your co-worker and working with him to try to coax your SO into a converstion was a bad call, so I won’t harp on that.

I read this and your previous post.  As you have said yourself, you and this man aren’t happy.  I think that you have just been with him so long that you want to move to the next step, when really, he’s not the one for you.  Getting married isn’t going to fix your underlying problems.  And no matter how well intended your friend is, HE is NOT the same person as your SO and he will not “fix” him.

I think you should be single for a while, and I think you should spend some time just working on yourself.  You seem to think that other people are responsible for/cause your feelings and emotions.  That’s not a healthy attitude and isn’t going to help you have a healthy, fufilling relationship.

Post # 23
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

BalletParker :  

Very well said.

If I were the SO, I would be *livid*.  It absolutely was a complete and total ambush.

Post # 24
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

beelinetowhere123 :  You really ganged up on him there.  I think you two need to walk away before you or him damage each other any further. 

Post # 25
403 posts
Helper bee

beelinetowhere123 :  This isn’t a healthy relationship and it’s not going to magically turn into a fairytale marriage.  You’ve been waiting over a decade because your SO doesn’t want to marry you. The relationship sounds like a torturous drama fest so I’m not sure why either of you are sticking around. This ambush isn’t the issue–the issue here is that you can’t seem to walk away from a relationship that isn’t ever going to make you happy. 

Post # 26
2391 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If someone I barely knew gave me that shit car analogy to my relationship I would be ready to leave too. Give me a break

Haven’t read your other threads though 

Post # 27
18 posts
  • Wedding: September 2017

beelinetowhere123 :  Hm. Ok. Speaking from experience here: MOST men don’t openly sit around and chat about their emotional problems or relationships with people they don’t know (or even with people they do know). They aren’t wired like women are. Simply, they just aren’t. I’m not familiar with your past posts, so I’m not defending or condemning one or the other here, as I’m not sure what your relationship looks like usually. But here’s what I see: you did ambush him. You confided in a male, married friend (your first mistake), brought your SO to his house and yes, ambushed him. The intention there WAS to get him to open up about his side of your relationship, but why would he open up about that to someone he doesn’t know? relationships are frustrating sometimes… they’re hard work. Men and women are wired differently. Forcing him to speak with people he doesn’t know is only going to push you two farther apart. And to think only one of you is the one with issues is a huge mistake on your part – you both bring issues to the relationship. I’m sure there are things about you that he doesn’t like. It’s just the way it is – two messy people coming together and trying to make it work. Good luck to you. 

Post # 28
5773 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

I’ve had better relationships with a bowel movement than you have with this guy.

Post # 30
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

He has communication problems? How about you screaming at him all the time? Why can’t you have a normal, adult conversation with him instead of screaming? The poor guy probably gives you the silent treatment because he needs some peace in his life!!

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