Post # 1
Hi bees! I have a question.
I feel as though I usually see the issues people are having with their bridesmaids on here being that they expect them to attend every appointment or help with every chore, but I sort of worry about having the opposite problem.
I have two sisters, who will obviously be bridesmaids. I have a half sister from my Dad who I’m not terribly close to, but I’ll ask her if she wants to participate because it would thrill her to death. Last, I’ll more likely than not ask my FI’s sister to be a bridesmaid, cuz I figure it’s a time to build relationships. I’m not going to designate a maid of honor. However, I worry about causing problems if I DON’T invite all of them to every little thing.
I picture my sisters being there with me to shop for a wedding dress, and to help my figure out my makeup and all of those little things, but I probably wouldn’t invite my half sister or FI’s sister, simply because I’m closer to my sisters, I get flustered with too many people around, and I know that the more people I try to take, the more of a headache scheduling everything is going to be. I mean, you know how it is when you’re with your BEST friends vs. your other friends. There’s just a very different level of comfort. Obviously I’d want them around for bridesmaid dress shopping, the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and I’m sure chances will arise to have everyone around. But I worry that if they find out I’ve been shopping for my makeup or centerpieces or going to bridal shows or who knows what else with my sisters, they’ll be upset.
Am I overthinking this like crazy? I figure they’re all smart, and surely they understand that I’m not asking them because they’re my “preferred” bridesmaids, but because they’re the people I’ve grown up with, who know me best, and whose opinions matter most to me. But I still worry that if it’s occurred to me, it will occur to them too. I truly don’t want to sound heartless or selfish. I’m just trying to anticipate whatever problems may arise so that they can be avoided as much as possible!
Any advice? Thank you, lovelies!
Post # 2
You are overthinking this! I have been a bridesmaid a bunch of times and never have been dress shopping with the bride– it didn’t upset me at all! When I went to buy my own dress, I hadn’t even designated bridesmaids yet and just took my mom. I think typically people do invite their BMs to pre-wedding parties (like showers) but you definitely aren’t obligated to include anyone in your planning outings.
Post # 3
I only went dress shopping with my mom and sister. I didn’t include the other bridesmaids and it wasn’t a big deal. I just didn’t want a crowd, just those few people who I was closest to. I think the smaller the group, the better 🙂
Post # 4
Honestly, you shouldn’t pick people to be bridesmaids with the intent that it will build your relationship. There are dozens of stories of how that backfires on this site. Pick them to honor your existing relationship and if you don’t have that relationship, it’s probably a sign you shouldn’t pick them. Your wedding isn’t a relationship building boot camp or seminar. Find other ways to build your relationship with them outside of your wedding in a setting where they don’t have the same title as others and therefore have no reason to compare why the others get treated differently.
Post # 5
scipioblack : Trust me, NOBODY is going to care about not being there to pick out your makeup and centrepieces.
I went to one bridal expo with just one of my sisters and nobody else. Dress shopping was just my mum, two sisters and Maid/Matron of Honor plus myself (obviously). I originally only planned on having just my mum and sisters but my Maid/Matron of Honor was kind enough to offer and take time off work and to be honest, I’m glad she was there. We also got a chance to look at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses while we were at it which worked out well.
I still have one other bridesmaid that wasn’t there for any of that and she’s totally fine with it because she wouldn’t have been able to take time off work anyway.
Also, just prepare yourself for the possibility that they might not even show up for the things that you DO invite them to. You’re overthinking things. Don’t stress yourself out…you’ll have more important things to worry about soon.
Post # 6
I didn’t invite my bridesmaids to anything. My Maid/Matron of Honor did go dress shopping with me but I picked my dress on a day when it was just me and my mom. No one cared that they weren’t invited to any of the planning stuff.