(Closed) SIL's wedding or grandma's funeral?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My grandma is like my best friend. I could never forgive myself for missing her funeral.

Post # 17
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
Pollywog :  If it’s the Rehearsal Dinner, I would go to the funeral with my family.  I think your husband’s family would completely understand if the family is not there for the Rehearsal Dinner.  If on the same day as the wedding, I would split up and bring my 6 month old with me.  I also feel bad for parents that have to bring infants to weddings.  Weddings are loud, and babies often get cranky during them.  I wouldn’t want to miss my grandma’s funeral.  

Post # 18
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

If it was me or my daughters, we would have to be hospitalized, to miss the funeral of our grandmothers, on our maternal side. In fact, I might have crawled in my hospital gown, on my hands and knees to get there.

In my case, I was an only child and only grandchild; in contrast, on my father’s side, I was one of 10 grandchildren and no one was very close to that grandmother (emotionally distant). The same type of relationship continues, unfortunately, into my daughters’ generation.

Post # 19
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry or your loss, Bee!

I need the closure of the funeral to grieve properly. For me, I would have to attend the funeral and arrange to see the couple at a later date to celebrate and see pictures. However, I would encourage my DH to be with his family for the wedding, if he has a close relationship with them. 

I hope you are able to figure it all out. Sending hugs! 

Post # 20
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I would go to your grandma’s funeral and tell your husband to go to the wedding. It will suck to not get to be together for these happy/sad events, but I think that’s probably the best option. 

Post # 21
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

There’s no way I would miss an important family members funeral – a celebration of their life and to commemorate them and support my family. 

Post # 22
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

Another vote for you going to the funeral and your husband going to the wedding. It would show both of your families that you were making an effort to honor them.

And I’m so sorry for your loss.

Post # 24
Member
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
Pollywog :  What a tough call, so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are doing the very best you can.

Post # 25
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

So sorry for your loss. Id go to the funeral. No question about it. Id never forgive myself going to a wedding instead

Post # 26
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee

Funerals trump weddings in my opinion.

Post # 27
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think this one depends on what you need.  I don’t think I’d be able to miss my grandparent’s funeral if I could help it (because of distance it sometimes can’t be helped).  We’d either split up for the day or FI/DH would need to come with me… I’d be an emotional wreck if I missed my grandparents funeral, but only slightly sad if I missed a wedding.  You can always take the couple out for dinner after, you know?

That’s just my logic.

Post # 28
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I hope that this doesn’t seem terribly insensitive but can’t this just be avoided by waiting to hold the funeral until monday? or on the other hand acting very quickly and having it on thursday?

I know that tension and emotions can run very high when someone passes but hopefully someone who is in charge (your mom?) can consider either of those options

Post # 29
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry for your loss!  I think it’s hard to make decisions about things in the midst of grief anyway and trying to figure out these logistics has to be hard!  It sounds like you have a good plan.

for what it’s worth–my grandmother would have told me to go to the wedding, too–but I would have ignored her because, in a way, the funeral is actually for those left behind, and I would need to be there for my mom and myself.  So I think splitting up for the days sounds like a really good decision to let you both be part of important family events.

Post # 30
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake

So sorry for your loss bee!

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