(Closed) SIL's wedding or grandma's funeral?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
721 posts
Busy bee

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chasesgirl :  my familes personality too- they were never big into funerals, it was about celebrating life. My grandmother would have come back to haunt me if I was at her  funeral over going to a fun wedding.

Post # 32
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Very sorry for your loss!

I would choose the funeral, no doubt. I don’t think I could enjoy a wedding knowing that I’m missing a funeral, but that’s just me. 

Post # 33
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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Pollywog :  firstly am sorry for your loss. Hugs

I would separate and go to grandma’s funeral, letting your husband attend his sisters wedding. 

 

Post # 34
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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Pollywog :  Grandma wins.

Post # 35
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

a funeral is a legitimate reason to miss a wedding… you wouldn’t even exist if not for that woman

 

your fiance has the hard choice, stay and support his wife or go and support his sister (which is something only the 2 of you can decide, do you feel you need him there with you, you will have family there) however your choice should be easy it is paying RESPECT to the head of your family and a life with family (and a truely one time thing, you only have one funeral but can have several marriages) where as the other is just witnessing an event that has nothing personally to do with you

Post # 36
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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MrsHarryDresden :  but funerals ARE for the living… do you not think OP need to support her grieving family, her parents just lost their mother unless they where estranged thats a big thing so even if OP somehow wasnt upset about her grandma and regardless of what her grandmother might of said if she was alive she should be their to support her family

the dead dont care their dead, they dont even know but its the living that do care – you pay respect, get closure and grieve together and thats for those left behind

Post # 37
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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btob17 :  I understand that in your family’s frame of reference “paying your respects” at a funeral and group support/bereavement are integral parts of the passing of a member.

My beloved and late grandmother, however, used to quote this poem at me:

Don’t bring me flowers when I am dead,
Come see me today, while I’m sick in bed.
Don’t cry for me, when I’m no longer here,
Come smile with me, no need for tears.

Don’t try to remember how I used to be,
Come by today and you can see.
Make good use of time, while I’m still around,
Don’t wait for tomorrow, when I’m in the ground.

And don’t give me a funeral fit for a king,
The day I die everyone should sing.
Because you saw me through sorrow and strife,
And yes my friends, all through my life.

– Juan Olivarez

So yes, I’m very confident in saying that my grandma would’ve much preferred I spend quality time with her in life and miss her funeral to go celebrate someone’s happy day. Everyone’s family is different though so I can also appreciate the OP’s conundrum.

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