(Closed) Simply cannot click with FSIL–advice appreciated

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: What's best?
    be super nice, even if it seems fake : (11 votes)
    33 %
    just be yourself, even if she'll think you don't like her : (20 votes)
    61 %
    other (please explain) : (2 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    1414 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Be yourself!

    Post # 4
    748 posts
    Busy bee

    I would continue trying to be nice. Fake it till you make it. Try to show her interest and ask her lots of questions about herself, maybe she will warm up. Hope it’ll all get better!

    Post # 5
    2603 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Unless she’s done something or said something unkind to you, just be courteous with her and move on–yes, say “hi” and go about your business. You don’t have to “like” her and she doesn’t have to “like” you–you just have to be respectful of each-other. 

    In life, we don’t click with everyone. And the world would be incredibly boring if we did!

    Post # 6
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Be yourself but throw some fake enthusiasm in there. It’s hard when you don’t click with someone but you are going to be family so you might as well make the best of it (even if talking to her is like talking to a wall 😉

    Post # 7
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would suggest a middle ground…don’t ignore her, but don’t be fake either. Say hi, and chat her up a bit, act interested in things that actually do interest you that she talks about, but don’t force it.

    I think we all have this dream of being BFFs with our SILs, but it never seems to work out.

    Post # 8
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Just be cordial…greet her, participate in conversations, etc. FBIL’s girlfriend has been around for about three years, and I just can’t have a conversation with her. She is nice enough I guess, but she has zero personality and comes off really fake and forced in social situations. We say “hi, how are you” when we’re around each other, but it rarely goes further and that’s fine with both of us – we’re mature enough that we don’t need to try and force a relationship.

    Post # 9
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Is there a middle ground you can hit b/t being fake and just saying hi?  Especially since she hasn’t done anything outright mean or nasty to you.  You don’t have to be best friends with her but you can be interested in her life b/c she is your FH’s sister.  

    Post # 10
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @violet25:  what makes you ‘dread’ the interaction?  Simply because you can’t click with her?  Or because it’s too much work to make small talk, etc?  

    Since this girl will be in your life for a long time, presumably, I’d do my best to be nice and friendly.  Since you’ll likely be around her with other people, you don’t need to make a beeline to her.  Just say your pleasantries, try to have a conversation with her (every once in awhile) and do your own thing with the rest of the family

    Have you noticed if she’s like this with other people in the family or is it just an issue with you?  

    Is there something you want her to do that she’s not doing, etc?

    Post # 11
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Stop pressuring yourself to be a certain version of “daughter/sister in law” and just be yourself — but if they haven’t done anything mean to you, then I think being pleasant is called for. If it stresses you out to make small talk, maybe put the focus on asking them what’s going on in their lives, so that they’re being expressive? Or maybe you’re both “doers” rather than talkers and it would help to have some activity or experience in common to have a place to build from.

    Post # 13
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @violet25:  Ugh I have had similar dilemmas. Lol.. My biggest hurdle with my boyfriends  sister in laws were that they were pretty close with his ex-wife. So there was that in our way. The thing that has helped me the most is being myself and not forcing the issue. That seemed to make it way worse at least in my case. With the one sister in law I was able to find common ground because she just had a baby so I can kind of relate because I have two little girls. I think if you find something (anything) you two have in common it could be the ground a little more level. I wouldn’t force things though, not everyone has the best relationship with their sister in law. I know I couldn’t stand my ex-husbands sisters. lol.. Good luck hun!

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