Post # 1
My bf and I have had a lot of honest conversations about when we want to get engaged and married, so I know it is coming sometime soon. He knows exactly what type of ring I want as well. However, he doesn’t make a ton of money at his job and was just recently off work for a couple of weeks without pay so I know he doesn’t have much money for a ring. A couple of days ago I found a listing on etsy that is the exact style of ring that I want just with simulants instead of the real thing and it costs about 10%-20% of what the real thing would cost. I don’t care at all if I get a ring that is the real thing or simulants. This “cheap” ring on etsy is still very pretty and I would definitely love it!
I’m worried if I say anything it’ll hurt his ego and he will be insulted because it’s “too cheap” in his mind. Any suggestions on how to mention it? Or not bother? I would much rather he save that money for us and our future and I think it’ll be much less stress for him overall.
Post # 2
Just talk to him about it and mention what you’ve said here. He might not care or he might care a whole lot.
Post # 3
I just want to thank you for not writing “stimulant.” I crack up every time I read that.
Post # 4
I guess it depends on how he is with money. My Fiance spent more than I felt he needed to on my ring. But he’s great with money and he could afford it and it’s what he wanted to spend. If your SO is normally good with money – doesn’t have a lot of debt and knows how to budget and save then I would just let him do his thing.
If he’s not great with money, then I would just show him the ring you found and say you really love it and it’s a great bonus that it would save a lot of money to use on something else! But I’d also be concerned about marrying someone I couldn’t trust to make a sound financial decision without my input.
Post # 5
Take several catalogs and circle the rings you like, ranging from simulants to gemstones. Give those to him and tell him that any of the circled rings are ones you like and you’ll be just as happy with the $50.00 ones as you would the $5,000.00 ones. I’d think that that should open the conversation up nicely with little pressure. The sooner you two discuss your sense and sensibilities about e-rings in general, the better.
Post # 6
I would send him the link to the ring and go from there. If he makes a huge fuss about it not being a diamond, you can say you’d rather go with the simulant for now and change the stone to a diamond later when it makes more sense financially.
Post # 7
When I talked to hubby about rings I just flat out told him about other types of stones and how I would feel more comfortable without a diamond. I’m very clumsy and I would feel horrible if I damaged/lost a ring he spent thousands on. He thought all engagement rings were diamond and didn’t know there were others he could pick from. Because I said I would feel uncomfortable with an expensive ring on my hand it didn’t hurt his ego at all. If you go and say I know you can’t afford what I want so this will work too, that would hurt his ego. Try and find another logical reason.
Post # 8
I would leave your OH’s finances out of it. Just let him know that, FYI, you like simulants as much as diamonds, and look at this ring! Isn’t it pretty? Totally my style!
Then you can gague his reaction and go from there.
Post # 9
He doesnt have a ton of debt or make stupid purchases, but he also isn’t super financial literate (but willing to learn!) and doesn’t make much money at work so he does struggle to save and he doesn’t have a bunch of extra money to spend on a ring. But I’m pretty financially stable and we’ve talked enough about our financial future that I’m not worried about that for us and our future marriage. He just seems to have a bit of an ego related to the ring specifically. My ex husband had an ego related to cost of an engagement ring as well. Maybe its a guy thing.
Vermont2015: I like that suggestion a lot. I’m super clumsy so that would be a good starting off point.
Secondtimecharm: lol, my iPad autocorrects it to stimulant and I thought I was pretty annoying having to keep changing manually! But the topic would have been very different if that’s what I was actually talking about!
All of you, thank you for reassurance that I should talk to him instead of just sitting back while he buys an expensive ring for no reason (in my mind). We’ve been very open about everything else related to this relationship, this shouldn’t be any different.
Post # 10
chocochai: I think someone who would get bent out of shape over their SO wanting a more pragmatic choice than a diamond ring would raise some yellow flags for me. It’s a celebratory token of your love, not a publically displayed trophy of his financial achievement.
I would much rather he save that money for us and our future and I think it’ll be much less stress for him overall.
That’s pretty much all you need to say, right there.
Post # 11
chocochai: Is he super prideful about that kind of thing? If not, he’ll probably be happy to hear that your open to diamond alternatives.
When I learnd about Moissonite I told my SO (now DH) about it and he was really into the idea. He and I both through a diamond was not the way we wished to spend out money and we were delighted to find an alternative.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario
You could lowball him: I started off saying I didn’t want a gem at all and he talked me up to a moissonite
Post # 13
chocochai: oh, THAT must be why I see it on here all the time. To funny.
Post # 14
Alright, I don’t know why I was worried about that conversation! I showed him the website and sent him the link and we talked about how my priorities were on our future, not a ring. He didnt seem to have any ego issues (like I was unfoundedly worried about) but seemed a bit hesitant that I would be happy with the cheaper version. I told him I would be very happy but our “compromise”‘is that if it turns out I wish I had gotten the real/more expensive version, he can buy me a new one for our five year wedding anniversary. He seemed happy with that solution!
Post # 15
I had a similar worry. Guys can be so weird about things! I don’t want a diamond, I’m just not very traditional, neither is my SO but he does like to spend money on nice things, and he likes to research the crap out of what’s the best of the best. So I’m sure he’s looked and some pretty pricy rings like Tiffany’s or Harry Winston, just not my cup of tea! I started by pinning things on Pinterest. Then when he told me the ring thing was stressing him out I showed him my Pinterest. When he realized the rings I liked were very affordable for what he makes (around 2 weeks pay for him) he stopped stressing. I’m sure he was lurking on some Reddit board about how much you’re supposed to spend on a ring and thinking he needed to spend $10K for something I would damage within the year. Then seeing that was the cheapest ring at the places he’d been looking. I too am a klutz and like to work with my hands…not a good combo! all of a sudden his timeline went from maybe the end of 2016 we’ll see to, this summer I have a ring picked out. I’m glad you talked to your SO and it worked out!