(Closed) Simulant ring without hurtin SOs ego?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
9363 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Just talk to him about it and mention what you’ve said here. He might not care or he might care a whole lot.

Post # 3
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I just want to thank you for not writing “stimulant.”  I crack up every time I read that.  

Post # 4
Member
9890 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I guess it depends on how he is with money. My Fiance spent more than I felt he needed to on my ring. But he’s great with money and he could afford it and it’s what he wanted to spend. If your SO is normally good with money – doesn’t have a lot of debt and knows how to budget and save then I would just let him do his thing.

If he’s not great with money, then I would just show him the ring you found and say you really love it and it’s a great bonus that it would save a lot of money to use on something else! But I’d also be concerned about marrying someone I couldn’t trust to make a sound financial decision without my input.

Post # 5
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

chocochai:  

My $0.02?

Take several catalogs and circle the rings you like, ranging from simulants to gemstones. Give those to him and tell him that any of the circled rings are ones you like and you’ll be just as happy with the $50.00 ones as you would the $5,000.00 ones. I’d think that that should open the conversation up nicely with little pressure. The sooner you two discuss your sense and sensibilities about e-rings in general, the better. 

 

Post # 6
Member
7669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would send him the link to the ring and go from there. If he makes a huge fuss about it not being a diamond, you can say you’d rather go with the simulant for now and change the stone to a diamond later when it makes more sense financially.

Post # 7
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

When I talked to hubby about rings I just flat out told him about other types of stones and how I would feel more comfortable without a diamond. I’m very clumsy and I would feel horrible if I damaged/lost a ring he spent thousands on. He thought all engagement rings were diamond and didn’t know there were others he could pick from. Because I said I would feel uncomfortable with an expensive ring on my hand it didn’t hurt his ego at all. If you go and say I know you can’t afford what I want so this will work too, that would hurt his ego. Try and find another logical reason.

Post # 8
Member
3003 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I would leave your OH’s finances out of it. Just let him know that, FYI, you like simulants as much as diamonds, and look at this ring! Isn’t it pretty? Totally my style!

Then you can gague his reaction and go from there. 

Post # 10
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

chocochai:  I think someone who would get bent out of shape over their SO wanting a more pragmatic choice than a diamond ring would raise some yellow flags for me. It’s a celebratory token of your love, not a publically displayed trophy of his financial achievement.

I would much rather he save that money for us and our future and I think it’ll be much less stress for him overall.

That’s pretty much all you need to say, right there.

Post # 11
Member
5876 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

chocochai:  Is he super prideful about that kind of thing?  If not, he’ll probably be happy to hear that your open to diamond alternatives.

When I learnd about Moissonite I told my SO (now DH) about it and he was really into the idea.  He and I both through a diamond was not the way we wished to spend out money and we were delighted to find an alternative.

Post # 12
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

You could lowball him: I started off saying I didn’t want a gem at all and he talked me up to a moissonite 

Post # 13
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

chocochai:  oh, THAT must be why I see it on here all the time. To funny. 

Post # 15
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I had a similar worry. Guys can be so weird about things! I don’t want a diamond, I’m just not very traditional, neither is my SO but he does like to spend money on nice things, and he likes to research the crap out of what’s the best of the best. So I’m sure he’s looked and some pretty pricy rings like Tiffany’s or Harry Winston, just not my cup of tea! I started by pinning things on Pinterest. Then when he told me the ring thing was stressing him out I showed him my Pinterest. When he realized the rings I liked were very affordable for what he makes (around 2 weeks pay for him) he stopped stressing. I’m sure he was lurking on some Reddit board about how much you’re supposed to spend on a ring and thinking he needed to spend $10K for something I would damage within the year. Then seeing that was the cheapest ring at the places he’d been looking. I too am a klutz and like to work with my hands…not a good combo! all of a sudden his timeline went from maybe the end of 2016 we’ll see to, this summer I have a ring picked out. I’m glad you talked to your SO and it worked out! 

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