(Closed) Since I have been married…..

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

breathe.  that’s a lot of crap going on.  your sisters sound a bit nuts!  i think you need to get out of town for a weekend if you can, even if it just camping or something, to clear your head.  just some time for the two of you.  i’m sure he hates seeing you this way and his internalization of the stress isn’t good either.

Post # 4
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow, that’s a lot to go through in your first year of marriage. I remember reading about the in-laws’ trip for Christmas and then you go through all the rest. I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, paying off student loans is a HUGE thing. Both of you should be very proud of that. I hope you enjoy your “no looking for places to rent or talk about us living on the streets day.”

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not sure I have a lot of advice, just (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))). All of that certainly sucks, is beyond your control, and is no fun. No kidding that’s going to take a toll on you! I think making V-day a drama free day is a great idea. Just remember that you can’t control what other people do. You can’t shoulder everyone else’s burdens and issues. You are a great daughter, sister, and wife, but it’s not your responsibility to take on the emotions of what everyone else is going through. It’s okay to put yourself and your marriage first sometimes. I’ve had to learn that myself. Focus on finding yourself a new apartment and try to let the rest roll off you as best you can.

Post # 7
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you need to STEP AWAY FROM YOUR NEGATIVE FAMILY and take a breather.  This will be funny in a few years trust me but my goodness you have a shit ton of stuff going on!!  Make a list and try to do things one by one, not all at once.  Take a night, get a hotel, go out to dinner and screw like a bunch of crazy people and then laugh about all of this later.   When my Fiance need a breather from laugh, we go right downtown, eat dinner, have many drinks, screw like rabbits wake up and then return to reality, with a greener outlook on things and a fresh perspective.

Post # 8
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

also, i think you should treat yourself to a mani/pedi this weekend (without the sisters)

Post # 9
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

uber mega hugs coming your way.

You guys have had a crap ton of stuff thrown your way and its ok to have an overwhelming day.

You need to keep sight of the fact that y’all are going to get through this together.

breathe…Its all going to be ok. 

 

Post # 10
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Aww @Baileyh – sending hugs your way!

I’d say get a little space from your family since they’ve seemed to be dragging you down. Usually when it rains, it pours.

You guys WILL find a new place to live (I know that not knowing where or when is frustrating) and maybe it’ll be even better than what you have now. Plus June is only 4 months away – you can make it!

Post # 11
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hugs from me too! It sounds like you’ve been having a horrible time of it, but I’m glad you’ve had each other. It’ll eventually all work out (and delete FI’s friends, because they sound like jerkfaces).

Post # 14
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Baileyh: Omg Bailey I am so so sorry. I remember some of the things you are referring to from being on the boards and I always felt bad for you in certain situations. I’m really sorry that the past 7 months has been hard for you guys. I’m glad that you and your husband have each other and support one another, but sometimes thats not enough to keep you happy and in high spirits. I wish I had great words of wisdom for you, but I am at a loss. Have you tried calling your one sister? I dont really understand why she isnt speaking to you specifically? Seems like its an all or nothing thing for her. And your ILs sound a little bit like jerks and that really sucks. I also understand the frustrations of dealing with a sucky landlord – we dealt with this back in October and November and I cried a lot and was really stressed because we didnt know if wed be able to find a place. I would love to say that these types of things have a way of working themselves out but thats such a BS line. I think your idea of having a stress free day on V-day is a great idea for the two of you. I am so sorry you guys are dealing with all of this. I hope that the good that comes from it is that you find comfort and faith in you and your husband as a team and lean on one another and feel happy that you at least have that. I hope that all of the family drama settles down and that you guys can get to a point where you are actually enjoying your lives together.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!

Post # 15
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh, hugs for you for sure! That is a lot of horrible stuff to have to deal with… at any time, let alone in your first year of marriage. Though everyone’s situations are different I can kind of relate to family situations not being as they should be. Sometimes I worry that some of my joy in being a bride will be/ has been stolen because things aren’t as they should be. When I get down like this, I just try and focus on the good and rejoice in the very small wonderful moments that do happen.

I definitely second @bakerella:, it can be very difficult to separate yourself from other’s problems and junk, but sometimes it needs to be done.

And I hear you on the rental market in Vancouver, ick! I’m steaming mad for you that your landlord would pull such a trick. Definitely illegal! Maybe you could use that to your advantage and try for a bit later move out date, maybe Mar 15 to give you more time to look? Sometimes if landlords are fixing up a place between tenants they will put places up for rent on the 15th?

Anyway, more hugs for you! You’ll get through it!

Post # 16
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

AWWW I’m sorry you’re going through all this! You hear about people’s healthy family relationships but honestly I think the majority of families are not like that. Mine’s certainly not!

Just do what I do when my family gets to be too much – AVOID! Try not to get cought up in their crap (obviously some things you have to but just completely stay away from the minor stuff and other people’s negativity)

Good luck and I hope next year is better! Try to focus on your wonderful relationship with your husband (who you chose to be in your family) and try not to focus on those family members you didn’t choose! (sisters, mom, etc)

 

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