Post # 1
I’m planning a wedding that is a destination for most my guests. I’ve thought about bringing in babysitters, since there could be about 12 kids all under the age of 8yrs old. Since everyone’s from out of town, I figure it’s better that they bring their kids to the wedding instead of trying to orchestrate getting sitters for the hotels, which I think would make parents feel uneasy about leaving their kids with strangers.
The thing I DO NOT WANT is babies and toddler terrors at my ceremony. I have experienced way to many bratty kids ruining ceremonies because of pansy-ass parenting and I’m just not going to allow it. But on the flipside —- i really want my well behaved girlriends kids to be flowergirls. I love flowerchildren, they are so fun. But am I just asking for a huge nightmare? Is this considered a doublestandard?
Are any of you facing this dilemma? what’s a girl who actually loves kids to do?
Post # 3
luckily everyone’s entitled to a wedding they want, but straight up telling people that you love well behaved kids but not THEIR kids, well it doesnt go over very well. if you can, use $ or space restraints as a reason instead- parents will have nothing to say but "ok". and if they start a riot the day of the wedding when they see the flower kids, have someone inform them that flowergirls are generally accepted to be cute props & not actual children 😉 im not sure how the babysitting for only the ceremony would work but im sure it could! again, just tell the parents that there will be a seperate "children’s room w/ provided sitter during the ceremony" ahead of time. then let the parents reclaim their kids for the reception. cost to you: 1 hour of babysitting time & no ruined ceremony.
Post # 4
Yeah, sitters don’t seem to be all that popular with parents. I just talked to a couple of other wedding consultants this weekend, and they’ve found that no matter how qualified the nanny/sitter is, parents just aren’t using the service. To be fair to the parents, I wouldn’t leave my kid either.
Post # 5
I suppose it depends on the circumstances. The club where we are having our reception commonly provides a kids’ room with staff supervision, and they say it is generally well used. However they are actual club staff, in uniforms, and so look official. Also the kids’ room is right around the corner from the actual reception, so parents can look in at any time. And since it is a private club, it will be closed except to staff and guests at the time. I don’t think I would leave my kid, for instance, in a hotel room with some teenager I had never met.
Post # 6
We have a nanny service at the wedding venue – so they bring their kids, but they are in another room with lots of nannies, kid foods, kid games, kid stuff. We will have so many friends with infants (something is in the water!!!), plus we know some people have no choice but to bring their kids (though many are trying to leave them at home for a romantic weekend). Oh, everyone will need to get on a plane to come to the wedding.
Anyways, our coordinator said that parents love the nanny services when they are on-site, so they can check on their kids and have them come out for the dancing if they choose. I’d rather not have kids at the wedding – but I really want happy guests, so an onsite nanny service has been the way to go. They’ve done a lot of weddings that are coordinator has done, they are licensed (like a day care), so we are feeling good about it. Now, once we know the total number of kids (under 10… we have somehow invited 35?!) that are actually coming, we may become less enthused – the more kids, the more nannies, the more $$. Fingers crossed that lots of people can make this a romantic, childless weekend!
Post # 7
thanks piper and enmoore. I will definitely be hiring a sitter or nanny service at the wedding so that parents can check in on their kids.
Enmoore66 I’m in your same boat, I was thinking it would be 12 kids and now it’s way more than my original calculation!
Post # 8
I’m cutting out all kids besides my two flower girls and the infant of one of my bridesmaids. I crafted an email for my mom to send to the entire family (so no one feels singled out), that said "have been getting a lot of questions about the wedding, and wanted to let you know that x and y are having an adults-only wedding (no kiddies invited). There will be a few kids there (the flower girls and infant of one of the bridesmaids), and while x and y love you and your kids, they hope you can find a babysitter for the weekend". This worked well! the wedding will be a destination for most, and I understand that it is tough for people to leave their kids for a weekend, but I had to be tough. The responses we got were "awesome!!" and "can’t wait to have a weekend alone!" nobody had a problem. If we invited kids, it would be THIRTY extra guests. No way, jose.
Post # 9
We had a childfree wedding…listed "Adults Only" on the RSVP and detailing that it wasn’t a child-friendly venue. (Which it wasn’t.) The fact we were getting married at 8pm and following it with cocktails should have been a clue. The three invited children were over 12: my cousin (in the wedding), my husband’s cousin (the only one under 12 and from out of town) and my cousin’s "date". That’s it.
We only had one couple break the no kids rule: they brought three. They also showed up in the middle of the ceremony (which started 15 minutes late), were rude to our family and guests and didn’t even give us a card. So, not much you can do, I suppose. (The husband of the couple was my Father-In-Law & BIL’s business partner. Rude people.)
I found that spreading the word verbally really works. So, get your mom, aunt or grandma to talking about "how nice it is that glittergrl and her fiance went to all that trouble for the nanny service! Children are so bored and unruly at ceremonies, so they are really thoughtful to provide this for the family!" People will get the hint; your planner can intercede with the rest.
Post # 10
We are havign an outdoor wedding and have decided to set up an extra tent (small) for the kids. It will be close to ours and supervised by babysitters. We will have crafts, some toys, juiceboxes and extra kid friendly snacks there. We will also have a few blowup mattresses with pillows and blankets so the kids can snuggle down. We want to have a TV and DVD player so they can wathc a movie if they want. We will have a kids table or two in the main reception area so that they can join in the aprty and eat with the adults. I love watching little kids dance and there is nothing cuter than a little girl slow dancing with her dad. Since ours is a destination wedding for half of our guests and we are having 8 (4 each) kids in the wedding we want it to be fun for them. We talked about havign a kid free wedding but my youngest brother is only going to be 9 and between us we have 7 nieces and nephews so 2 of which live with us. It would be too hard to exclude them. Also, 2 of my bridesmaids are currently pregnant with thier first children, one has 2 kids and my sister who will probably be in the wedding as well has 3 kids. On his side, one his brothers has 2 kids, his Bridesmaid or Best Man has 1 and one of his other groomsmen has 3. We figure if we handle it right and buy some of the newer movies that the kids haven’t seen yet they can be entertianed as the night wears on, maybe even sleep on the mattresses and the adults can still have agrand time.
Post # 11
In my experiance, the sitters at the hotels are normally registered sitters, who’ve been trained and are insured by the hotel itself, and do this job everyday. Most require they have a teaching degree for the pre-schoolers and under and pass many certified classes before taking the position.
The hotels, especially resorts that expect kids to be on their campus run day cares (after school type of programs if you will) programs same as you would have at home – I think it’s very resonable priced as well, in some cases free for people staying at the resort for a certain amount of time. As a mom myself, I’d rather an adult who’s works for someone and is certified to watch my child for a few hours then a 12-15 year old who could very well have several kids to watch and not yet have the experiance to handle the situation. Even up here sitters arn’t allowed to watch more then a certian number of kids at one time for safety reasons….so you’dneed more then one babysitter for sure.
Resorts that allow kids are normally very prepared for the fact the parents need time out too….IMO – go professional, and save the hassle of flying in 2-3 teenagers. Besides if you were 15 – would you want to be watching a bunch a rug rats, or hanging on the beach getting a tan and cheking out cute guys? Though the destination is great – when would they have their time off???
As for the toddlers, my kid is 4 and if I was invited to your wedding the last thing I would consider is bringin her, even if you allowed it. The cost of travel is huge these days, and plane seats are the same if you’re 2 or 20. I think that the parents of younger kids won’t bring them, but maybe start a word of mouth that the resort isn’t really toddler ready and that no one else is bringin their toddler. Moms of younger ones won’t want to bring theirs more then likely if there not going to be another for them to play with.
Post # 12
Ohh I hope by destination you meant like tropical….lol otherwise I feel silly talking about resorts! LOL.
Sorry if I’m way off base!
Post # 13
we’re also having a "destination" wedding (as in not where either of us are from) and therefore all the guests are traveling in for the wedding. it’s over labor day weekend so we know some families will be traveling together but we are noting that the events on the wedding day (ceremony and reception) are reserved for adults only and clearly noted that there will be baby sitting services available.
we’ve got other events going on over the weekend where everyone and their kids are invited 🙂
we think that’s pretty fair!
Post # 14
We are doing the same thing, tberry 🙂
Since being pregnant is the new black..I know that saying no to kids wouldn’t be very friendly to our guests, but we also have children of our own. So for us, a kid friendly zone with sitters (my sisters friends) is the best thing…
Kids dancing is priceless..and I think children make the evnt a little lighter and less serious..but thats me 😛
Post # 15
What I feel bad about is that the location HAS A KID TRAIN that takes you on a tour around the estate during cocktails and an exact replica of Snow White’s Cottage. So I feel weird saying no to kids. Should I just get over it?
this is my location : http://www.nestldown.com
Post # 16
for the ceremony.. ohh thats a toughie…
is there a "cry room" at your venue… maybe you can make the parents "aware" of it… our church does not have one so basically I’m just keeping my fingers crossed… we’re having a mass ceremony so its gonna be hard for the little squirmers to stay quite for an hour….
maybe supply something for them to do during the ceremony like have a basket of books off to the side?