(Closed) Since when is there a time limit on engagements???? vent!!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
4344 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re having a 2 year 3 month engagement. I told every person who asked for a date or asked why the engagement was so long that we were ready to get married, but had to save up for the wedding. If they wanted us to get married sooner, we would gladly let them pay for the wedding. Most people shut up after that one. But honestly, 2ish years isn’t *that* long. We started figuring out the guest list and venues within a couple months. I bought my dress, and I’ve been taking my time nagging people for their addresses. Its better to gather the information over a couple months than personally calling 200 people in one day to find out their address.

Post # 63
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think some people give long engagements a bad name. Right after high school, a girl I went to school with got engaged to her bf of 6 months. They said they were having a long engagement since they couldn’t afford a wedding. Both lived at home and neither had jobs. They split up after being engaged for three or four months. She has since been engaged two more times and is barely 21. Her current fiancé proposed after two months of dating. They’re thinking about getting married in 2015. 

Ridiculous stuff like that gives long engagements a bad name. She just wants to call herself engaged, I guess. There isn’t much interest in actually planning a wedding for her. 

Post # 64
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@agirlwithdreams7:  I loooooove long engagements, actually.  Unless you’re waiting to do the deed (wink nudge), I see no reason to rush into it.  There is nothing wrong with taking your time. I’m almost at 2.5 and we’re getting married this summer.  Anything sooner would have felt rushed, to me.

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@tuscanbride:  “However, when the 6 month marker hit, we realized we had been preparing for the wedding the entire time, but not the marriage.”  TOTALLY.  Its like once you’re engaged, take the time to reaquaint yourself with your partner now that you two know how seriously you’re taking this.  It’s kind of a whole new world.  A a lot of shit to unwind (finances, family planning, role expectations, etc etc).  So excited for you and the new wedding – it will mean so much more!!  🙂

Post # 65
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For me, I did not see the point in getting engaged until we were ready to actively start planning a wedding. We’ve been committed for years, so w/o planning, it would not have felt like any part of our relationship status had changed.

Post # 66
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Okay, so… this is my take:

You don’t start planning a wedding until you’re engaged, right?  We got engaged in June 2011 and our Wedding will be March 2013… almost 2 years.  When we first got engaged, we toyed with the idea of trying to get a deal and getting married that same year.  We were “ready” to be married, afterall.  Then, we started putting together the list of people we’d like to invite and crunching numbers and realized we’d need a lot more time to save up since we were paying for the whole thing ourselves.

We didn’t have an Engagement Party.  We waited until the end of 2011 to announce our Wedding Date and Save the Dates went out last week (past the 1-year mark). 

We want to start looking for a house right after we get married, so I decided to try to pay off my Student Loan before the Wedding date.  I am saving for the wedding and paying off student loan debt at the same time, so of course it would take us a little longer to reach these goals together.

Either way, we’re not mooching off family and friends for ANYTHING.  No money, no gifts, not even for the Wedding.  We probably could have gotten married right away, but we would have had to drastically cut our guest list to do it, which we ultimately decided we didn’t want to do. 

I don’t know how anyone expects people to know exactly what’s involved in planning a wedding BEFORE they begin planning the wedding – especially for people who haven’t had anyone close to them plan a wedding before.  We had no idea how much things would cost.  As we started to figure it out, we set a date based on what we could afford.  What’s so irresposible about that?

Post # 67
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Fun facts!

Engagements: Northeast brides have the longest engagements (15.5 months), while brides from Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky and Mississippi have the shortest (12 months), on average.

Average for the US is a 14 month engagement.  

Ours is 17 months, and no one batted an eyelash (though we had graduation, the bar exam, and starting jobs to work around).

Post # 68
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t worry girl!  Although my fiance had the means to get me a ring for when he proposed…two days ago is 1 year of engagement for us, and our wedding is just over a year from now.  We are saving a TON of money so when we do move out together, we’re comfortable and can get a place we want to live in and also afford some wedding luxuries we wouldn’t normally do with such short time.  

 

Don’t stress it everyone has their opinion and always will with everything you do.

Post # 69
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My fiancee and I were engaged in 2004 – we are now just getting married in April of 2013…. Life happens and sometimes a wedding just isn’t in the plan until later – I am actually glad we didn’t get married right off… a lot of things have happened in the last 9 years to us and we had to sit back at one point and evaluate our relationship and decide if it was really meant to be – luckily we both thought it was and were willing to figure out what to do in order to make it to this point… Had we gotten married right off – we would probably have gotten divorced during that time…lol… Congrats and best wishes to you both 🙂

Post # 70
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Fiance and I have been engaged for a year, but are not getting married for another three. And people always tell us things like we aren’t ready to be married, etc. It gets old. We are getting married on our 7 year anniversary. and he proposed 2 days before our 3 year ann.

Post # 71
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@apex:  Fiance and I know a girl similar to the one you’re describing. She can’t be without a guy and to us it seemed like there was definate pressure for some sort of ring. Promise ring from one and an engagement ring from the next guy after about two months. She gave off a vibe that her relationship was better then everyone else’s because she had a ring and they didn’t. If you asked about a wedding she’d change the subject quickly and only referred to her Fiance as fiance, not his name.

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@Roe:  Fiance and I have similar views as you and your Fiance. We’re using the time (14 months) to save up for a wedding, for Fiance gets his associates degree and my dad to come back from overseas.

Waiting for a graduation, saving money, wanting to get married on a certain day, postponments, vendors book up really early, etc…these I understand as reasons for a long engagement. 

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