(Closed) Sing Happy Birthday at Rehearsal Dinner?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010


I don’t think it’s a big deal, but we sang for my Brother-In-Law (who I met two days prior) at our reception.  We got him a surprise cake and had the caterer bring it out at the end of toasts.  It was fun!

Ask yourself if this is really worth fighting over, would be my advice.

Post # 18
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Your stepmother is out of line.  It is so rude to hijack a party that somebody else is planning and paying for.  I’d understand the request if we were talking about a young child on her actual birthday.  But this is a woman in her thirties, and it’s not even her birthday.  She’ll feel “left out”?  How immature.  She has to work on her birthday?  Boo hoo, welcome to adult life.

Post # 19
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m going to go against the grain and say I don’t think it is such a big deal. It doesn’t hurt anyone to plug a name into the song and sing for 30 seconds. I’ve certainly sung the song to plenty of people that I don’t really know simply because someone popped up with “it’s so and so’s birthday.” The attention is on the “birthday girl” (even if it is not the exact day) for less than a minute, you look selfless, and that side of the family is happy. On the flip side (to me at least), “I don’t think it’s appropriate” doesn’t seem to be backed by a whole lot of reason except to keep the spotlight.  

I understand that she’s not a kid and it’s not her real birthday, but everyone likes to be acknowledged. Besides, it gives you the chance to look *extra* gracious if you announce it. “We’re so happy to have everyone here, it’s so amazing that so many of our nearest and dearest took the time to be with us. . .blah blah blah, wanted to take a second to sing happy birthday to “Jane.” Afterwards you can transition into toasts or giving gifts to parents/wedding part. 

Post # 20
45 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have to side with @jldown2. It won’t really throw off the whole night to sing a quick song. Before you commit to anything, however, make sure you clear it with your mom as she is paying for it.

We’re having a cake at our rehearsal because my BM’s birthday is that day and FI’s GM’s birthday is the day of the wedding. I don’t know that we’ll sing, but I want to make sure they know we aren’t forgetting their birthdays in the wedding commotion. It’s also a way of saying “thanks for spending your birthday at my wedding.”

Post # 21
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh.  I’d do it at the very beginning to keep the peace.  People will have forgotten about it by the end of the evening.

Post # 22
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If the rehersal dinner actually fell on her birthday I would think it would be nice and considerate.  However, since it’s not, I don’t think it’s appropriate at all (unless she was 3 and not 33). 

Post # 23
14 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

Honestly I would just have a cupcake brought out and sing Happy Birthday. Its going to take 2 minutes tops and will provide a layer of goodwill. If you don’t you are going to have major family drama, and seriously its not worth it for something so small. Bottom line its your choice, be happy and enjoy!

Post # 24
44 posts

@pinkdiamonddolly:  I agree.  A simple cupcake and a quick Happy Birthday song may go a long way.  After all, sister or step-sister…she’s your sister.  Long after the wedding day has past, she will be your sister.  I agree that she may be trying to steal your moment; but perhaps she’s doing so simply because she wants to be your sister. 

Post # 25
356 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t really mind doing it except for this ‘Yesterday, my step-mom asked me “for a little favor which I know won’t be a problem.” ‘

My response would be, “Actually, yes, it is a bit of a problem because you didn’t ask nicely; you just tried to guilt me into doing it.”  But that’s just me and I might be a tad cranky.

Post # 26
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

this is from a year ago… they probably resolved it.

Post # 28
44 posts

@HisIrishPrincess:  I was figuring (hoping!) they probably resolved it; but I was thinking some other bee may have the same sort of dilema and thought another opinion might be helpful (especially coming from a step mom).  Ya know?

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