Single and considering a sperm donor

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

WAIITTTTTTT!!! I know the feeling of wanting to have a family, of wanting to have child but you’re still so young and have plenty of time to find a great man to settle down with and have all those things with. It’s a different story though if you have issues that make fertility a problem, and are worried about future chances of a successful pregnancy. Perhaps book an appointment with a fertility specialist or your gynecologist and have a chat with them about fertility. 

Post # 3
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

OP- I’m your age.  We have years of fertility left!  Is there a specific reason you are planning on the next 2 years?

Post # 4
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’ve got a friend whose mother went the sperm donor route  (the old fashioned way) and they’ve been a happy little family, just the two of them.

I would say, though, very bluntly, that getting pregnant by a sperm donor at your age just because you want a baby within the next couple years is probably one of the best ways of knowing that that is not a choice you are really ready to make right now. You still have time to find someone and fall in love. Parenting alone is really hard (not as hard as doing it with a deadbeat but still really fucking hard). You need to spend some time really thinking through what this would mean for your life. Talk to some people who are doing it, start thinking about who your support system would be. You have no idea what it means to NEVER get a break until you become a mother and doing it without a partner just means that much more pressure on you. 

Seriously, think very very hard on this. For your sake and the sake of your child. If after you’ve thought through things like finances, possible future relationships, what happens if you die before your kid is 18, etc. and it’s still on your spirit, then it might be something you need to do in your life.

Post # 5
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bree90 :  You have plenty of time to meet a wonderful man. 🙂

 

Post # 6
Member
6332 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

bree90 :  Normally I would say more power to you… but you are only 26/27 (as am I).  You do have time.  Maybe reconsider when you’re around 32?  I feel like most women that go through a sperm donor are in their late 30s.  I could be wrong.

Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I am mid 30s and have a few friends who have recently gone the sperm donor route and they are happy. But I would say you are very young to consider that now – give yourself time to meet someone and if it doesn’t work out you can always become a single mother by choice.

although my friends are happy, it is a lot to have a baby on your own and you really need that family and friend support to help you through. Plus having a baby on your own is a big financial responsibility. Just give yourself more time and know you will likely be able to get pregnant in your 30s (in my friend group there are currently five mid 30 year olds who are pregnant including me!)

Post # 8
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t understand why you should wait just because you have years of fertility ahead of you. It sounds like you want to be a mom sooner rather than later so who cares how many years of fertility you have left?

If you have the resources available to raise a child on your own, I see no issues with moving forward with a sperm donor.

Post # 9
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

First, get your fertility checked. All the PPs are assuming you have normal fertility, which may or may not be the case. Get your fertility hormones tested and get an ultrasound of your ovaries and uterus done. If everything is indeed normal, then I would wait if I was in your shoes. If your ovarian function is low or you have other issues, then weigh your options. If your doctor thinks you will have trouble conceiving if you wait, a sperm donor may be a feasible option. There is a huge difference in having kids now for the sake of not having to wait and having kids now because it may be your only chance. At least take this first step to give yourself a peace of mind. From there, consider your financial resources and what it will take to raise a child on your own. There is no right answer because this is such a personal choice. 

Post # 10
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

Oh my gosh, you are so young! I’m 10 years older and just got married at age 36 and am TTC with my husband. My doctor said I’m about average for my area of the country (Boston). I would advise you to wait. 

Post # 11
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My SIL is 37 and recently did this (her daughter is now 6 months). It’s definitely a viable option but I will note that she has an expansive support network and has been making 6 figures every year for the past decade. Good luck with your decision. 

Post # 12
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You’re only 26, I would put the breaks on this plan. 

Post # 13
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

I think sperm donation should really be the last resort, to be used when you’re approaching 40 or so and you’re still single. Kids need and are entitled to having fathers in their lives.

I didn’t even meet my Darling Husband until I was a few days shy of 31!  

Post # 14
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

While I agree you could totally meet someone at 32, no one is stopping you from having another child then too. If you want multiple, then it absolutely makes sense. It makes even more sense if you have any fertility problems at all. It gets harder and harder as your age goes on.. if you’re 32 and just start trying, end up having a hard time and then need IVF, that could be as much as 2+ years later! No one can make this decision for you, but I do think it’s smart to think of all your options. Doing it now versus waiting to find a partner versus waiting to find a partner and then having fertility issues. One way to protect yourself would be to have your eggs frozen, then you could wait and easily do a FET when you meet the right person. Not the cheapest option though. Good luck bee!

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