Single Guests AND a Plus One??

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, I totally disagree. People who are in long-term, committed relationships should have their SO invited. But people who are just in a fling or truly single–I don’t want the rando at my wedding. In my social circle, there’s a lot of relationship turnover. Dating someone one week, someone else a month later. Sorry not sorry, but if you haven’t been together at least a couple months, I don’t need that person at my wedding.

Post # 17
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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impatient1 :  I think she means single as in, not engaged or married.

Post # 18
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

OP is using single as “in a relationship but not married”, I gather, she’s not talking about inviting random strangers.

Post # 19
Member
2737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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singlegal24 :  Quite the tangent you’ve gone on here. I gave plus one’s to everyone that we invited who was in a relationship, the people I know that are single did not get one. It’s my wedding, I don’t have to have random people showing up at my wedding if I don’t want them to. If it’s because I don’t want to pay for them, thats my choice, if it’s because I want an intimate wedding, that’s my choice.

Sounds like you’re insecure about being single, I don’t know anyone who would assume they are being judged about their lifestyle choices because they didn’t get a plus one when they aren’t in a relationship.

 

Post # 20
Member
5872 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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holisticbabe : 

pinkglasses :  

I’m not sure she is, her OP says she feels invites should be addressed to OP “AND GUEST” if they were in a relationship but just unmarried you would expect the partner to be listed rather than an anonymous +1.  An invite addressed to ‘and guest’ is an open invite to anyone, not a SO. 

Post # 21
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If that’s the case then those people aren’t single. But she’s talking about a plus one, not about inviting half a couple. So idk. 

I think the fling thing resolves itself by having an RSVP deadline. If you were together when I sent out invites for me to know to invite you, and you are still together by the wedding date, then you have stayed together for at least a few months. 

Post # 22
Member
3399 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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impatient1 :  bassed on OP’s update, i’m guessing that she’s confusing the notion of a +1 for single guests, and the idea of imposing some sort of restriction on relationship status of those who are not *actually* single when sending out invitations (i.e. no SOs invited unless married/engaged). these are two things that are often conflated when talking about “plus ones”, both here and elsewhere.

OP, a SO is NOT a +1 (regardless of relationship status). a +1 is a truly random “brring anyone” guest. +1 ones never have to be invited, but some people choose to extend +1s to their guests, especially when that guest would otherrwise know no one or very few other people at the event (this was the case with the 4 +1s we extended to guests).

One SHOULD extend an invitation to any SOs (again, these are not the ssame as +1s). They should be invited BY NAME, and not as “and guest”. Traditional etiquette – which many of us will agree is woefully outdated in this matter – allows for a host to differentiate between relationships (that is, you must invite the SOs of any couple that is married, engaged, or living together, but do not need to invited the SOs of anyone else). Modern etiquette, on the other hand, recognizes that hosts should not be evaluating other’s relationships, and an invitation should be extended to the SO of any adults (note that you do NOT have to accommodate the boyfriend of your teenage niece, for instance).

Post # 23
Member
2723 posts
Sugar bee

To me plus ones don’t have anything to do with one’s “social status.” (at least in terms of social prestige) You invite people’s significant others because they’re sharing their lives. But I don’t understand why everyone at the wedding needs to bring an extra person if the person they’re bringing isn’t even a big part of their life? I’ve gone to LOADS of weddings single, it’s way more fun than having to entertain a date and introduce them to everyone if you’re not even sure you have a future with them. 

But are you talking about people not giving plus ones to people in serious relationships? Or people not giving blanket plus ones to everyone? 

Post # 24
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

we’re going to have like 5 people at our wedding and its likely going to be a backyard wedding so thank Christ I dont have to worry about that lol 

Post # 25
Member
4633 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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lyfe_girl :  Yeah, I agree about dating turnover.  We have a friend who slept with 3 girls on Christmas Day.  I categorically told him he wasn’t allowed to bring anyone.  (He’s a great friend to us but a lousy date)

We extended plus ones to anyone who was dating someone.

Post # 27
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

Disagree. Dates are for being who are DATING. If you aren’t bringing a boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, or husband/wife then NOPE. You’re not bringing a stranger to my wedding. And that doesn’t go for just single people. If your husband travels for work and isn’t around much, your invite is still addressed to you and your husband. If he can’t come, doesn’t mean you can bring somebody else in his place. A date is for your date, not a random.

(I have a friend whose husband is never around. A few times she has brought a female friend as her plus one to weddings. Not happening at my wedding! No one is using a plus one to bring a friend along — not what it’s for!) 

Post # 28
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

I have seen what my single friends do with a plus one, including:

  • Bringing a random friend/brother/sister/cousin that doesn’t know the couple at all but wants to drink and eat for free for a day
  • Bringing a mutual acquaintance, who the bride and groom made a conscious decision not to invite because they didn’t want them there, because said acquaintance had FOMO that other mutual friends were going to a wedding
  • Bringing a person that they’ve been on one or two dates with and could barely tell you their last name
  • Bringing a crush with unrequited feelings under the guise of friendship and hoping the spirit of love in the room would convince her that they, too, should be married

The list goes on. I wasn’t cheaping out or putting more money towards a fancy cake and more flowers. I just didn’t want random people at my wedding who I didn’t know or, worse, didn’t want to be there for that special day.

There are definitely two sides to the plus one story. You’ve explained how it feels as a single person and I hope you are hearing what it’s like as someone planning a wedding. 

ETA: I agree that any guest who is in a relationship should be invited with that SO. It’s rude and hurtful to judge how serious their relationship is.

Post # 29
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

Maybe they just don’t want randomers at their wedding?

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