Post # 1
So I am about to be newly single at 30 and am weighing my living options. I’ve been saving for a house and am ready to pull the trigger, but if I buy a house / condo, it would be outside of the city. It would provide lots of quiet, lots of peace, and lots of space, which would also benefit my active Siberian Husky.
However, I’m afraid this would also dampen my chances and limit my dating options. I’m no longer in my 20s so time is of essence and I don’t know how critical it is for me to consider living in the city to increase my odds of meeting more men. City would mean I would most likely either rent or downsize to a teenie tiny condo, if that. Commute would also be a factor for my job and I would be looking at getting a new job in the city long term.
I’m torn and scared for obvious reasons. Has anyone here had experience or have known others in a similar bind and what did you / they end up doing? Advice?
Thanks in advance!
Post # 2
There’s certainly a fun vibe in living downtown in the heart of the city, but it doesn’t even sound like that’s what you want. You don’t have to restrict yourself to dating in the city of your residence if you live in a suburb. You can easily drive to a neighboring area to meet people.
When Darling Husband and I planned our first date, we met downtown but then realized that both of us lived in the suburbs. He lived even farther in the burbs than I did! After that, most of our dates were in our suburbs, which were both pretty cool places to begin with. Location isn’t necessarily limiting. Choose your new home based on your own personal preferences.
Post # 3
MadamMiko : I think it depends on the city. For me city living is a no go. Hate the city and never meet anyone in the city that I dated. Also, for me, I don’t live near a big city. If you are talking NYC or Chicago, then okay they are more active, but can’t you meet up with people that live/work in the city?
Are you secure in your job now? Do you want to get a new job in the city?
What are you going to do with your poor dog if you move to the city?
Surely there are festivals and such that are on the weekend in the city that you can go to with friends.
Where are you living now? Apartment? Renting a house? You mentioned space. Its gonna get mighty tight in an apartment(if you can find one that rents to a dog that large) with you and your husky. Do you truly want to give up your space?
Eh, this isnt 1850. It doesnt take days to travel. If you want to go into the city it’s not a huge affair.
Post # 4
VictorianChick : Thanks for your response and all of the considerations you’ve pointed out.
The city I live near is Boston, currently about 40 min – hour north. I work and live within a 5-10 minute radius, it’s a secure job but if something was to happen, I would need to look for a job closer to city. I am living with my now boyfriend who I’m looking to leave, so weighing in all my options.
If I was to face city life, I would need to walk my dog more often or hire a walker. When I compared with the amount of space I would be getting by living close to where I live now vs. city it boggles my mind – but again, maybe that is a necessary sacrifice to expand my social network as well as add to the activities I can partake in around the city on my down time.
I agree about it not being 1850 anymore. Sometimes though people who choose to live in the city opt out of having a car because public transportation is good, so I would be doing all of the driving if it comes down to it.
Post # 5
I have watched all my friends go thru this issue and 99% of them ended up back in the suburbs lol I’m like “Hey, kids! Welcome home!” (I’m the uncool one who never left, I’d rather commute when necessary)
Dating in the suburbs was hard, I always had to drive to the city because guys thought my area was boring. But this helped me prioritize and only date guys I was really into, no wasting time&gas on guys I saw no future with.
Post # 6
MadamMiko : Hey bee,
You could also have added another option in your poll “Rent in suburbs“.
That way, it would provide the quietness, peace and space that you seem to seek for the both of you. It also gives you the possibility of moving out quickly if need be. I also guess that the rent will be cheaper than in the city.
Indeed, because if you were to buy right now a home or condo, thus making a financial commitment, you may have to sell it within a year or two, in the scenario you meet the man of your dreams, and want to move in together elsewhere.
And regarding your “Single-to-be” status : I can understand the presumption that living in the city would give you more options in the dating scene. However, living in the suburbs will not dampen your options, IMO! It will only mean that you have to commute when you go out downtown. And guys can be found in the suburbs too 😉 It really depends on the type of activities you’d like to do I guess.
As for me, I’ve never been in such situation, but given that I’m a suburb gal, I would rather rent in the suburbs (besides, the rent in the city (capital, here) is crazily expensive, and let’s not even talk about the purchasing prices!)
Hope it helps 🙂
Post # 7
Ooohhh, in my younger days–my 30’s, I lived and worked in downtown San Diego while I was going to law school. I loved it! Of course, I’m from Chicago, so big city life feels normal to me. I got a little Sheltie, nice apartment dog. We lived literally across the street from Balboa Park, so he had a lot of fun.
I’ve gone from one extreme to the other–living downtown to living in the boonies. Today we’re in a lovely suburb in a house with a yard. With three German Shepherds, a condo doesn’t sound like the best idea.
How great that you have a choice! My advice would be to rent a place close to work for awhile. Maybe try condo living, if you haven’t done it before. Just take some time before you buy a place. It’s not good to make real estate decisions when you’re feeling time pressure.
Post # 8
Why not start out by renting in the city? That way you can get out of your current situation sooner rather than later, not have to wait on finding and closing on the right spot, AND spend some more time looking into your options. You can get a feel for the city and start out your new single life a bit closer to some potentially nice distractions, and in the meantime look for place while getting a feel for what city life would be like (since it sounds like you live in the suburbs now). You are about to make a pretty massive life change. Purchasing a home is also a big decision. You don’t have to do it all at once!
Post # 9
I think you should do what you want, dating life and finding a man aside. Put yourself first, and the potential man second. If the only reason you are considering living in the city is dating prospects, then live in the burbs. You can still drive into the city and have dates, you can have dates outside the city, men can be met anywhere.
Post # 10
When I was single and dating in Boston, no one seemed interested in even going on a first date with someone they’d have to travel more than 20mins for (me included).
Post # 11
- Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion
MadamMiko : Sorry to hear that you are going through a breakup! I also live in a suburb of Boston, so I can relate. Do you live within 10 minutes of your current job? If so, I would think you would want to stay closer to there. On the other hand, if you move closer to Boston or in Boston itself (maybe Medford?), there are more opportunities for socializing, and communting north from Medford or Malden or something like that wouldn’t be too bad. I used to live in Cambridge, and it was great when I was single, but I wouldn’t want to have a long commute. Also, as you know, Cambridge and Boston are insanely expensive. PM me if you want more ideas. Also, FYI, I broke up with a live-in Boyfriend or Best Friend when I was 34 and met an awesome guy on Tinder about two months later and got married a year and a half after that. Keep your chin up! 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion
MadamMiko : P.S. The condo market in Boston is insane right now, so I would not recommend buying a condo right now. I’d try to find an affordable apartment and keep saving instead. Good luck!
Post # 13
You dont have to live in the City to not be part of the city if you know what I mean. If I were you, I would totally do suburbs with the peace and quiet. When you’re done going out in the city, you can retreat to your peace. TBH, I feel like most people in their 30s meet online anyway so I would not make this decision based on meeting men.
Post # 14
Sounds like the suburbs would be great for you and your dog. Any man worth dating will be willing to travel or meet halfway. Maybe you’ll meet someone at a dog park in the ‘burbs!
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
It seems that suburbs would be beneficial for you in several aspects. It is less of a financial burden, you get more space which is awesome for your dog, you get peace and quiet, and you don’t need to find a new job. If the ONLY reason you would live in the city is to meet men, I wouldn’t do it. You can meet men anywhere and now there are so many other dating resources that I wouldn’t change my lifestyle for the sole purpose of meeting men.