Single mom bees: how hard is it?

posted 7 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 16
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

Whilst I can’t imagine the stress she is under, she’s had free labour and $50k from your parents, $100k loan from your brother so I can see how it’s hard for them to hear that they don’t do enough. You say her ex has his son every other weekend so does she get some downtime those weekends or is she non-stop working? It really really sounds like a 9-5 job would be better for her but $8k expenses every month is a hell of a lot of money so I’m guessing that’s been ruled out as shed need to a very high paying job.

I feel for her son and I’m not surprised he is sensitive. Is he getting any therapy? It sounds like quite an unhealthy environment for him.

Post # 17
664 posts
Busy bee

Your sister sounds like an ungrateful awful person. It wasn’t your choice for her to have a child and it’s her repsonsiblity to deal with the consequences she’s in now. None of you should have to pay for her or give her time and help with a child she chose to have.

It’s great you have been helping and your family financially. Don’t you ever think you are a horrible aunt or person for not doing more.

Is the dad paying child support?  It’s also not like the kid is a toddler, he’s 11 and I’m sure quite independant in many things as opposed to a toddler who needs 24/7 care.

She also sounds quite irresponsbile considering she is borrowing all this money and struggling and not out there looking for a better paying job. Her business if failing, time to let it go and be responsible.

Post # 19
812 posts
Busy bee

breatheandrelax :  Maybe it would be wise also to speak to a financial planner. Given her earning potential, it may be more financially feasible and fulfilling to sell the practice, seek employment at a nearby hospital, hire help, and, if she has time, also volunteer. As virtuous as her clinic may be, she shouldn’t be supporting it on the back of her parents and siblings.

Post # 21
833 posts
Busy bee

breatheandrelax : I think your sister needs some help. Perhaps it is not practical for you to do anything physically, but it seems she is calling out for attention. Could see be depressed or suicidal? Please do not be distracted by her complaints it could be a cry for emotional help.

Your sister’s son is older than I would imagined. However, he may need additional attention if his mom is so busy. Perhaps your sister would be less stressed if she hired someone to take care of collecting the payments. That way there would be more money coming in. It seems like your sister tries to be a doctor and debt collector. This advice might be better coming from your mother since your mother actually worked with her and saw the work first hand. What did the other doctor do before that?

Post # 22
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like your sister needs to make different choices, but doesn’t want to. Sacrifices need to be made, she’s not in a position where she gets to have it all, all at once (but when is anyone, ever?)

She could move to an area with a lower cost of living (maybe by your parents?), either right now or even when your nephew is in college, so she won’t need $4.1M in retirement nor even $200k+ a year to live right now. 

She could get a “regular” doctor job at a clinic or hospital, and know that it’s only for another 7-8 years until your nephew is in college, then she can make a different career choice

She could make different business decisions, since a business went from $700k a year to apparently in the red, all within a few years? 

She could use that $1000/month towards a high school student to hang with your nephew after school still she gets home, with the student helping with homework and starting dinner.

Lots of different choices, but what isnt’ working for her is digging in her heels, and refusing to make NO choices and NO changes. 

 EDIT: So her expenses are $8k a month and she can’t afford it being a doctor? Even after she gets $1k a month in child support? She could be pulling in just over $100k (low for an experienced doctor) and meet those expenses, after tax. is she really budgeting well?



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